dreaming@echonyc.com

from lileks.com, a celebration of the song-poem:

The American Song-Poem Anthology, vol. 1, was released a few days ago, and if you’re interested in off-beat, unusual, idiosyncratic music - you know, all the words that usually spell “Unlistenable ear-shagging tripe” - then you need to get this disc. I’ve mentioned my love of the Song-Poem here from time to time, but let’s revisit the basics just to prepare you for the audio clips.

The song-poem companies put little notices in magazines, offering to set your words to music. You sent them the money. They sent you back a record. The end. No song-poem ever hit the charts; no song-poem ever made it on the radio, because they were some of the most uniquely wretched things ever created, an unholy intersection of bad words and bad music. But it wasn’t just the overall badness that makes this work stand out - the bargain bins are stuffed with banal crap shoveled out by the major labels. No, it’s something else, something quite special. The lyrics were written by people who actually thought a song about eating duck eggs daily would make a great top 40 hit. [...]

A few highlights:

1. Do You Know The Difference Between Big Wood And Brush - Gary Roberts & The Satellites

I’m guessing you don’t, but you will by the time the song is over, which is sometime next Tuesday. The genial, lumbering beat is elastic enough to accommodate those stanzas into which the lyricist poured a surplus of syllables.

3. I Like Yellow Things - Bobbi Blake

Inspired perhaps by Tom T. Hall’s famous recitation of the banal objects that gladden his heart, this tune is perhaps the only song-poem devoted entirely to manifestations of a primary color.

4. I'm Just The Other Woman (remake) - The MSR Singers

One of the more famous song-poems, and certainly one of the most painful. It’s a first-person account of the life of The Other Woman, and of course it’s sung by a man. To call this performance a falsetto would demean the fine traditions of doo-wop and the castrati; in fact, this song actually sounds as if the singer’s apparatus was being sawed off as the tune was recorded. And remember: the original was worse.

7. Beat Of The Traps - Rod & The MSR Singers

A case is often made for Rodd Keith as some unheralded genius. Unfortunately, most of the evidence seems to testify for the prosecution. “The Beat of the Traps” is one such song, a testimonial to percussion that’s the aural equivalent of chewing on a mouthful of glass. But it’s such tasty glass you just can’t stop chewing.

9. Jimmy Carter Says "Yes" - Gene Marshall

Why this wasn’t a number one, I can’t say. It’s the finest soul-disco song about governmental competence ever written.

17. The Moon Men - John Muir

The party-killing song to end all party-killing song, “The Moon Men” has no verses as we understand the concept; it’s just a description of the Apollo Mission with no rhyme or meter. Setting it to music was quite the task, and Muir created something quite unique: a song that cannot be recreated. It could only be done once.

18. The Palace Roses - Todd Andrews

Note to lyricists who want a good song-poem: it helps if you send in more than eight lines. If you only send eight lines, they’ll be repeated over, and over, and over again. The C & W treatment here is perfect, but you have the feeling that the author intended this as some sort of Old-King-Cole medieval song with lutes and drums. Lucky for us, we have this version, which cannot be improved upon. Wait for the end, when Mr. Andrews realizes he forgot some words, and jams them in double-time before the song ends.

19. Gretchen's New Dish - Dick Kent

There are two versions of this song, and this is the original. Mr. Kent sings in a German accent - why? Because the heroine is named Gretchen, of course. “In the merry month of May / Gretchen six years old today / brings from school a little dish / and a card with happy wish / from a boy across the way / Gretchen full of doo-doo.” In the remake, such by Bobbi Blake, the line is changed to “Gretchen full of dosie-do” - which is probably how it was originally intended. None of which detracts from the fact that it’s a song about a dish.

21. Song Of The Burmese Land - Cara Stewart

So this guy spends some time in Burma, hates it intensely, pours out his bile in some lyrics about how the government requires permits for making noise after 10 PM, but the Chinese and Indians always have noisy feasts that keep him up all night, but hey, they have permits. I tells ya, it’s like monkeyland! Naturally, the lyrics are set to a dreamy, romantic beat and sung like a Polynesian lullaby.

23. Listen Mister Hat - The Jerrymanders, vocal Wm. H. Arpaia

It sounds like a Little Rascals score performed by musicians in their 80s, but what really sets it apart is the cranky, drunk-at-the-end-of-the-bar vocal by William Arpaia. He doesn’t have much to work with here - it’s mostly observations on life’s difficult nature, but each verse ends with the inexplicable command “Listen, Mister Hat!”

27. Run Spook Run - Rodd Keith

Best song-poem ever. Call it the “Hot Rodd Lincoln” of song poems - catchy beat, great vocal, nutball brass, perfect chorus hook. I think they were all mighty proud of this one, and for good reason.

28. Blind Man's Penis - Ramsey Kearney

Let’s say you were on to the whole song-poem racket, and thought it would be fun to send them strange rambling incomprehensible lyrics about Stevie Wonder’s genitalia. Would they record them?

Why, yes. Yes they would.