don't look, grandma
if my grandmother is reading this, i hope she'll go no further — not only because she'll weep at the current state of my garden, but because i'm about to use some very bad words.
okay.
you'd think i'd feel better after such a cathartic string of vulgarity...but no.
i went outside today to check the burning bushes under the dining room bay window. last year, inexplicably, they did not burn, so i wanted to take a close look to see if any conflagration was imminent. what i saw made my hair stand on end.
(okay, it's the lack of conditioner that did that. but work with me here.)
exhibit a. the chokeberries. i planted two chokeberry bushes a couple of falls ago, one on either side of the front step. they're known for showy fall foliage and tasty-looking red berries. they've been doing okay, growing, leafing out obediently if not exuberantly. here is one of them — you can see the bright red berries down by the ground.
and here is the other, now shivering naked in the coming chill:
exhibit b. the hole. i cannot swear in a court of law that the deer did this, though i am not above perjury if that's what it takes to send those goddamned deer to the motherfucking electric chair. there is a big hole in the ground, from which several fall bulbs, lovingly planted, have been cruelly extracted. the carnage is highlighted in yellow.
here is a longer view of the same hole, including the displaced bulbs left on the walk.
exhibit c. hydrangea "annabelle". imagine my surprise when the hydrangea bush i planted in the spring actually bloomed. true, it didn't bloom until the beginning of september, but it had three pretty lacecap blossoms still on it...until the rampage of terror. here it is stripped of its glory, never to regain its onetime splendor:
(i admit that "splendor" may be too grand a term for a bush that is, after all, only about 18" high.)
exhibit d. the peony. what? you can't tell it's a peony? well, peonies have foliage you'd recognize if...oh. what's that? there's no foliage left on it? say it ain't so, joe!
i'm afraid it is, kid.
exhibit e. sedum "autumn joy." it took me a while to warm to sedum; their dusty-red color when in bloom doesn't do a lot for me. but it grows reliably, requires little care, and, in winter, sports these wonderful seedheads that gather snow into cheerful little caps. i like sedum now...but now my dreams are dead.
in a few days mom will be here. we'd planned to work a bit in my garden. but dare i revisit the scene of the massacre? i'm not sure i can take it. the ground will be sodden with the bitter, bitter tears of my regret.
Comments
Oh the botanity!! Argh! I feel for you, despite my nickname in the houseplant community of "She-who-kills-without-mercy." Also, I believe my father has described the carnage wreaked on his garden by woodchucks and deer in much the same terms.
Posted by: Cori | September 30, 2003 03:05 PM
Well, now the only question is what kind of deer rifle I should give you for Christmas.
Posted by: paul^2 | September 30, 2003 03:14 PM
If Paul gives you a rifle, may I give you the new Ted Nuggent cookbook? mmm... Kill it, then Grill it. I would also be gald to include shooting lessons!
Posted by: Tim | September 30, 2003 03:21 PM