dreaming@echonyc.com

today we took lunch to the cat specialist in burlington, the closest person the state has to a veterinary neurologist.

she put lunch through his paces. here are some highlights.

• stupid pet flicks. the cat is made to lie on his side, while the vet flicks his haunches briskly, checking for a reflex. (paul is made to hold the cat, while julie clucks sympathetically.)

• lord of the dance. the cat's front half is held up so that he's standing on his hind legs, with his back feet just touching the examination table. as the vet drags his top half along, the rest of the cat is made to follow by walking along on his hind feet. (paul and julie snicker.)

• is this bugging you? i'm not touching you. the vet waggles a shiny instrument within the cat's peripheral vision. the cat's only job: look annoyed, flinch occasionally.

• is this bugging you? i am touching you. the vet brushes the cat's whiskers and ears with said shiny instrument. the cat displays an impressive array of upper-body tics.

• wheelbarrow races. this one is the best. the vet puts the cat on the table, then lifts his hind legs far into the air. the cat sensibly tries to run away. hilarity ensues. julie wets self laughing.

the upshot of all these exercises? the vet said very definitely that she doesn't believe he has a brain tumor — she said that even if the steroids had reduced the swelling of a tumor, he would still have some residual neurological effects. but lunch has none. he is "perfect" neurologically.

i mean, he's not smart, but that's different.

the vet seemed entirely confident that the whole espisode was the result of a bad reaction on the part of his immune system to the thyroid drugs. not common, she said, but she's seen a couple of similar cases before. her advice was to cease the thyroid drugs immediately and to get him zapped full of radiation as soon as possible.

so the upshot is that the cat is entirely pissed at us for letting this stranger do the wheelbarrow with him and laughing about it — but we are immensely relieved and appreciative.