public enemy #1
our next-door neighbor has a beautiful yard and a gorgeous garden. she and her husband spend countless hours making their property lovely — they actually mow the lawn at least once a week, imagine!
they seem to like mirrored gazing balls, ornamental birdhouses, and those wooden wheelbarrows you put big pots of geraniums in. they also like this cow.
i, on the other hand, hate this cow. it is perched merrily right near the property line, where it is impossible to ignore as we drive down our driveway. i loathe this cheerful menace.
normally, being a cantankerous sort myself, i might suspect they'd put it there just to piss me off. but, no, i know they actually like it. how do i know? because the cow has a security device through the end of its tail, to keep the roving youth gangs of montpelier from making off with it.
Comments
You need spray paint.
Posted by: EJ | August 10, 2004 01:59 PM
Oh wait - you need a big bull with an enormous erection standing behind the cow!
Posted by: EJ | August 10, 2004 02:42 PM
here is a friend for that cow. he'll fix her up good.
Posted by: terry | August 10, 2004 04:12 PM
Your neighbors wouldn't happen to be over the age of 60, would they? Or perhaps, they live in a trailer? Because, honestly, gazing balls? Wheelbarrows? Do they have little gnomes too? The cow has got to go. Seriously. right now.
Posted by: Reader | August 11, 2004 04:25 PM
I second EJ's suggestion. Or maybe get one of those "bending-over old ladies" to put in front of the cow's nose....
Posted by: Cori | August 13, 2004 10:22 AM
true story: alan and I were driving to dinner the other night when, suddenly, he whacked me in the arm and shouted, "LOOK! It's Julie's cow!" Sure enough, some people had that very same cow on their hideous little lawn. And it also was locked down. I think that the theft-prevention device comes standard.
Posted by: terry | August 16, 2004 07:14 AM
its true - and very scary. i can't really imagine why anyone would mass produce these. no, strike that - why anyone would produce them at all!
Posted by: alan | August 16, 2004 11:46 AM