let us play
now lego lovers can go to church and read the bible in their brightly-colored plastic medium of choice.
October 14, 2004
June 13, 2004
i guess reagan wasn't evil, after all
Here's something you may not know, a little Ronald Reagan trivia for you, his entire life, Dad had an inordinate fondness for earlobes. Even as a boy, back in Dixon, Ill., hanging out on a street corner with his friends, they knew that if they were standing next to Dutch, sooner or later, he was going to reach over and grab hold of their lobe, give it a workout there. Sitting on his lap watching TV as a kid, same story. He would have hold of my ear lobe. I'm surprised I have any lobes left after all of that.
And you didn't have to be a kid to enjoy that sort of treatment. Serving in the Screen Actors Guild with his great friend William Holden, the actor, best man at his wedding, Bill got used to it. They would be there at the meetings, and Dad would have hold of his earlobe. There they'd be, some tense labor negotiation, two big Hollywood movie stars, hand in earlobe.
— Ron Reagan, Jr. on his late father
June 04, 2004
portrait of the blogger as a thirtysomething woman
hey, this is cool.
make your own! click on "part selection" to choose each part of your portrait, then click "create" to...create it. if you'd like to keep it, save it to your computer. if you send them to me, i'll post them here and we can have our own little portrait gallery.
i love the internet.
update: hey! look at...
 |  |  |
| betty | sarah | Betsy |
 |  |  |
| paul | cori | Mom |
 | ||
| terry |
...now why haven't you sent me a picture?
April 27, 2004
i feel good. insane, but good.
james brown has lost his mind.
February 04, 2004
attention: betty
i have visited all of the red states and none of the green.
we'd better get cracking.
January 26, 2004
oh boy oh boy oh boy!
today i found this in the snow by the mailbox:
so if there's anything you like that's in danger of being cancelled, let me know and i'll do my best to sway the networks. i am that powerful.
January 14, 2004
bright red granny panties
so that's what i've been doing wrong.
November 11, 2003
a snack for mom and betty
i think dr. atkins would be tickled to death — if he weren't already dead, that is.
November 10, 2003
i bet disney is seething with envy.
in the little town of fort ann, new york, there is an attraction i have longed to visit for years.
we pass it about twice a year. it's usually closed when we're there, either because it's too early or late, or because it's locked up tight after the busy summer season.
it is called
not only does it offer an ice cream shop called the milken parlor, it features a miniature golf course: hillbilly holes.
i do not know what other wonders it offers. museum of regrettable dentistry? jailbreak jamboree? greased cousin races?
i may never know. but at least this time we stopped long enough to get a picture. (click the tiny image above.)
October 23, 2003
too bad i'm already married.
October 18, 2003
my new favorite superhero
bet you don't know who this bulbous, smug-looking fellow is. i do, thanks to the american cancer society:
Polyp Man, a larger-than-life, red-suited colon polyp — a nuisance of a character who pops up unexpectedly in people’s lives, stars in a national public service advertising campaign sponsored by the American Cancer Society and developed in association with the Advertising Council. Polyp Man grabs viewers’ attention and, with the use of humor, cuts through barriers often associated with getting tested for colon cancer while getting across the simple truth: Colon Cancer: Get the test. Get the polyp. Get the cure.October 12, 2003
while we're on the subject of leaves
Spring and Fall
to a young child
MÁRGARÉT, áre you gríeving
Over Goldengrove unleaving?
Leáves, líke the things of man, you
With your fresh thoughts care for, can you?
Áh! ás the heart grows older
It will come to such sights colder
By and by, nor spare a sigh
Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie;
And yet you wíll weep and know why.
Now no matter, child, the name:
Sórrow’s spríngs áre the same.
Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed
What heart heard of, ghost guessed:
It ís the blight man was born for,
It is Margaret you mourn for.
— gerard manley hopkins
September 23, 2003
i bet they got a good deal on the refreshments.
from houma, louisiana, my ancestral home:
Wal-Mart wedding draws crowd to garden center
there but for the grace of god go i.
HOUMA -- Marriages are made in heaven, but sometimes they are assembled at Wal-Mart.
Lloyd Forsythe, 41, and east-Houma Wal-Mart employee Mary Halford, 47, are now planning their honeymoon following a packed wedding ceremony Saturday in the garden center of the Grand Caillou Road superstore, the place where they met and became engaged.
September 17, 2003
i can't help it.
August 27, 2003
grace note
emily is being raised right. she sent me a homemade thank-you card for the quilt i made her. (click to see the full view.)
but the really hilarious thing is the inside of the card. terry said, "she did a crappy job on the first one she made, so i made her do it again."
enigma
as mysteriously as it vanished, my letter opener has reappeared. i blame thieves in the night, whose conscience finally plagued them.
August 24, 2003
long green
when my blog bores you, feel free to check out the hulk's.
Hulk not welcome in The Hamptons, Hulk found out. White people hate everyone, even green people!
August 20, 2003
queer eye, take two
here are some quotes from an interview by the advocate:
The Advocate: There’s nothing explicit [in the show]. Friends is more sexually explicit and out there. Will & Grace has Grace in a threesome.
Ted: Well, we did braise a jockstrap, you have to admit.
Carson: That’s good times.
Thom: But jockstraps do not qualify as sex. I know that surprises you.
Kyan: Besides, what’s so unnatural about that? You find a dirty jockstrap. What do you do? Of course you boil it.
Carson: Make it clean and puritanical.
Thom: Amish.
Kyan: Our Quakers love us. We’re big with the Quakers. It’s all about cleanliness.
Ted: Yeah, we’re huge amongst the Pennsylvania Dutch.
Carson: Those of them that have cable, yes.
The Advocate: Which is very few.
Kyan: Both of them.
July 18, 2003
it was a dark and crappy novel
this year's bulwer-lytton winners (or losers, as the case may be) have been announced!
some of my favorites:
Mac was the crustiest ex-LAPD homicide detective with three ex-wives, two mortgages, a greedy daughter wasting time at college, a gay son playing acid-blues punk in some Sacramento dive, and a liver that had been bitch slapped by cheap vodka so many times it looked like a bag of yellow fat, who ever walked into my floral and gift shop.
The sun rose over the horizon like a great big radioactive baby's head with a bad sunburn but then again it might just have been that Lisa was always cranky this early in the morning.
When the time came for Timothy to fly the nest, he felt the best years of his life were ahead of him, if only because he had spent the childhood ones living in a nest.
The sun rose over the horizon like a great big radioactive baby's head with a bad sunburn but then again it might just have been that Lisa was always cranky this early in the morning.
When the time came for Timothy to fly the nest, he felt the best years of his life were ahead of him, if only because he had spent the childhood ones living in a nest.
June 13, 2003
scattered, smothered, and six feet under
contrary to my lifelong plan, paul and i didn't get married there, but i can always have my funeral at waffle house, like this lucky gentleman did:
Lawrence ''Tuna'' Clark called the Waffle House on U.S. Highway 129 his ''office,'' ate there at least once a day for years and earned the love of dozens of employees who gathered in the parking lot outside the restaurant Thursday for his funeral.
[...]
Clark's cremated remains lay on the hood of a nearby Chevrolet - parked in his favorite parking space - next to a ceremonial signature book. Large boards displaying decades of family photos were propped on the sidewalk covered in funeral wreaths and loose flowers.
Inside the restaurant, his niece set up Clark's favorite chair at the counter: his jacket slung on the back, his black coffee, milk and cigarettes sitting side-by-side as they did every day for years.
it brings a tear to my eye.
May 21, 2003
the american south: no, really, do we need it?
thank you, louisiana, for this.
the mug shots alone are reason enough to evacuate, betty.
May 18, 2003
a reality show for the rest of us
Blue tits get their own show
A new and rather different version of the Big Brother reality show is drawing large audiences in Norway.
The show's contestants are not young or famous people, but a tight-knit family of birds.
And they are proving to be the saviours of Norwegian reality shows.
After repeated runs of the Big Brother competition, audiences here were bored and uninterested.
But now this couple of blue tits have left thousands spellbound with their antics in a birdhouse designed like a living room.
The aptly named "Piip Show" allows internet audiences to watch everything the birds get up to in their one-room flat, 24 hours a day.
i'm watching the birds at my computer even as we speak. (you'll need windows media player and flash mx to do it.) right now they're not up to much. i think they may be sleeping in.
May 14, 2003
ready for my close-up, mr. de mille.
in honor of my new haircut, today you can watch me on the webcam. if i'm not there when you check, you can see it here.
what can i say? i was getting tired of looking at the birch tree in the rain.
March 09, 2003
first day of college, 1989
March 01, 2003
i guess "the old ball and chain" was too long to fit
seen today on a license plate:
it may intrigue you to know that the car in question was being driven by a burly guy who looked a hell of a lot like kenny rogers.
February 19, 2003
found object: dust off that resumé
February 07, 2003
found object: conspiracy theory
from the abcnews.com message boards about martin bashir's interview of michael jackson, broadcast on 20/20 last night:
Its also obvious that the man conducting the interview is of West Asian origin. Can we be totally sure that this was not another plot to destroy our great American society form within by tearing down our cultural icons? Has ABC been infiltrated? Who can we trust now? And why doesn't Disney sue MJ for stealing their "Majic Kingdom - Main Street USA" train station architecture for his home? All questions to be answered, hopefully, by the next episode of 20/20.
February 03, 2003
found object: spiderman
found object: unmentionable
January 27, 2003
found object: abcnews.com
from the abcnews.com message boards, in a discussion about balsamic vinegar:
Subject: Re: Balsamic vinegar
Date: 01/27/2003 01:38:19
the first time i heard of balsamic vinegar-Emeril Lagasse was
useing it on his cooking show. that was in the mid-90's. some balsamic
vinegar will cost alot of money-i think it is thick when it is expensive.
i use a store brand $5.00 for 16.9 fluid oz.. it is a watery type. it is
better than regular bottled vinegar.
I don't think I would "cook" it down. you may be createing a cancer
causeing compound in it. use as "directed"!!!!
i'm sure the american cancer society is working on a bulletin about this hazard even as we speak.
found object: "li'l chesty"
in the brochure rack at the grocery store today:
He's always faithful... to the dream of being a Marine!
It's a big dream, but he's up to it: to someday join "The Few, The Proud, The Marines," just like his Dad and his Granddad before him. One look at this little "Devil Pup," and it's clear he's already got what it takes! He's hand-painted porcelain sculpted by artist Titus Tomescu, dressed in camouflage trousers and a USMC cover (cap). His sweatshirt features the "Semper Fi" motto and "Chesty." And his bulldog pup, "Li'l Chesty," has his name embroidered on his collar. Celebrate the proud legacy of the Marines for just $79.99 plus shipping and handling. Order today!
fine print:
Neither the United States Marine Corps nor any other component of the Department of Defense has approved, endorsed or authorized this product.