If you're going to be in New York on June 15th, 16th or 17th, go here now and buy tickets for the Loser's Lounge Tribute to ABBA. I mean it. Do it now before tickets sell out. You'll thank for the rest of your life for insisting, it's that good.
Are you still here??? Go get those tickets. It's the most fun and entertaining musical thing in New York. You'll be dancing on the table tops, even if you're not a dancing on the table tops kind of person. By the end of the night you will be.
I've done everything I wanted to do before beginning to write this book. I've still got tons of research to do, but it's all the kind of research that needs to be done as I write.
It's always a little scary, beginning. But exhilarating. I feel completely ready and absolutely the right person of all the people alive to write this book. A group of people came together from around the country to Duke University, driven to answer questions that science would barely acknowledge as legitimate questions. For a time the Parapsychology Lab was on intellectual fire -- it was the place at Duke to meet interesting people and it was one of the most popular places on campus among the students. But for the scientists there, it was was also a battleground. While they tried to understand their findings, it was one fight after another, getting their peers to accepts the results of their experiments. And the whole world watched. Books that came out of the lab were best sellers and that made scientists outside the lab NUTS. They had trouble getting grad students to work on their research because no one could compete with the charismatic Rhine and the kinds of questions being asked over on the second floor of the West Duke Building.
I'm going to begin in Boston, with a woman who claimed to be able to talk to the dead. She was investigated by Harvard, people from Scientific American, and then by J.B. and Louie (his wife) Rhine. All hell broke loose. The Rhines knew how to make an entrance!
AND -- and I know I'm making such a big deal about this -- this week is also the count down to my birthday, which is on Saturday. Everyday this week I am going to try to do something pampering for myself, and, as per a suggestion from someone I knew in high school -- everyday I will also try to do something I've never done before.
It's a big deal week for me! Wish me luck!
2:13PM
It's a gorgeous holiday weekend, but I'm not holidaying much today. I'll feel better if I get things done. I'm missing a picnic with my drumming friends, but I'm going to see them all soon at a few drumming events.
So far today:
- Updated The Restless Sleep blog so I don’t have to tomorrow.
- Emailed the contact for Bill Roll about what to read. (One of the Duke guys.)
- Worked out at the Carmine Street gym (which is actually on Clarkson and is now called something else).
- Emailed Det. Tozzi's relatives. He was the Nassau County detective who investigated the poltergeist with Gaither Pratt and Bill Roll in 1958.
- Listening to more of the tapes made 30 years ago of the Duke scientists, while I do all my need-to-be-hand-laundered laundry. Two tapes down today, five more to go and I'm done!
3:55PM
- Hand-laundry done.
- Nice email exchange with Joe Tozzi's daughter.
- Me and Finn listen to tapes. Rhine is venting to the historians, because he doesn't agree with their representation of him. Four more tapes to go.
4:34PM
- My friend Liz was in a car accident! She's okay though, and she went on to LI.
- The Rhines are really letting the historians have it now. (The historians, by the way, did an astounding job. The Rhines didn't like the book at first, but after some time they decided that the historians had done a good job after all.)
- Another friend, Janet, gets a new puppy, Lily, who sleeps on top of her other dog, Tuscany. I'm trying to beat Just a Little Guy and Cuteoverload to the punch. I mean, come on. Look at how cute these guys are.
5:42PM
- Very boring dinner eaten (broccoli, cottage cheese, bread).
- Cats fed.
- On Echo, my friend Joe gets mad because I never laugh at his jokes, only Howard's.
- Three tapes to go.
I know this is boring. I'm sorry. I'm entertaining myself while I listen to these tapes, and it gives me a sense of progress. I'm also looking at kittens who are up for adoption on the Animal Care and Control website.
6:13PM
- Told my friend Joe that I was mocking him here and it took him 15 minutes to find the address of my blog. Joe is search-challenged, poor thing.
Here's Joe. We met when we were grad students at NYU. He works at Stanford University now.
6:56PM
- I'm on the second to last tape now. I don't think I can take much more of this.
- I'm half listening, and half reading about the Spook Light in Hornet, Missouri. I read about this when I was down at Duke, and wanted to go there and do a piece about it for NPR. Alas, they thought about it, but decided to pass. It's such an interesting unsolved mystery. The Army Corp of Engineers looked into it and couldn't figure out what it was. They called it a "mysterious light of unknown origin," and gave up!
Here's an old picture of the Spook Light.
Here's a picture of the Spook Light Museum. It's gone now, I believe. Someday, I want to go to Missouri and re-open the museum. Doesn't it sound like a fun, end-of-life occupation? I want to see the Spook Light!
7:58PM
- Officially going out of my mind with these tapes.
- Cats fed their evening snack.
- More email answered.
I'm going downstairs to photograph the sunset from my street. There's supposed to be a spectacular sunset because of how the sun is lining up with the east/west blocks.
8:11PM
- Seeing two fighter jets in the sky. Is it still Fleet Week, or should I be grabbing my "go" bag?
8:34PM
My view of the sunset was blocked by trees. That's a good thing, I think. Plenty of other views of the sun.
Looking West on Perry Street:
Looking East:
8:57PM
- Last tape started, it's an interview with B. F. Skinner this time. He's kind of a dick when it comes to Rhine. He sounds very smart, but also SO smug. I want to reach across time and smack him. When I was in college everyone repeated a rumor about Skinner raising one of his children in a box, (he was famous for something that was later referred to as a Skinner Box, which he used for animal studies) but it was completely untrue, I've read online. Still, he doesn't seem very warm or generous.
9:29PM
- Just read that Skinner lived in the Village for a year (that's where I live) and wanted to write fiction. Reading his bio on Wikipedia. Well, dick-ishness aside, a very interesting life. He died in 1990.
- DONE. I'M DONE. And now my holiday resumes. I will stop boring my friends now. Who are probably not actually reading this, thank GOD.
- Oh fuck. Missed one.
In the morning I saw Over the Hedge with Jonathan. It was okay, I love Steve Carell, and apparently even the sound of his voice is entertaining.
And in the afternoon I saw Poseidon at the IMAX theatre with Jim and Cori. That was a lot of fun. I think it was mostly due to the IMAX experience, it's hard to say for sure how good the movie really is, but still. This is what holiday movies are about. This is me and Cori behind Lincoln Center, waiting for the movie to begin. There are lots of nice spots to sit all around Lincoln Center, although I do miss sitting inside. But the opera and the ballet are SO expensive. (Later, we had dinner at Tartine, which was fabulous. It's only a couple of blocks from me, on the corner of West 4th and 11th, it's delicious and reasonable.)
Not only have they not aged but Josh seems to be going backwards. This is Sue (Grady) Fitzsimmons and Josh Chu aka Slacker. They used to work for Echo, and back when Echo was run out of my apartment.
Here's an old picture that shows what a wreck my place was while that was going on. Sue sat at the desk to the left, I sat at the desk to the right (Josh sat on the couch). Modems were piled on the shelves, computers under the desks, and wires all over the place.
Sue, if you scroll down to May 18th, you'll see what it looks like now. I got rid of the desk. It's still a little cluttered because I've got books, tapes, and boxes of papers from Duke piled around. You'll appreciate this - I had the air conditioner taken away and overhauled and cleaned. The pigeons still use it for a home, apparently.
In any case, Sue and Josh, it was great to see you again! You both look gorgeous. Lunch was fun!
On Wednesday I went to see my friend Chris Hegarty read with her fellow students at Fontana's. Her professor said great things about her work, but I didn't write them down. I do remember my favorite comment of his, however. He said reading her work was like going on an "existential roller coaster."
It looks like Chris has decided not to go to her own graduation, if you can believe it. To me that's like, "Hey! Let's do all the work and skip the party! Whadda ya say?" Still, CONGRATULATIONS, CHRIS. Oh look! I just noticed Chris's sweater matches the Fontana's sign. Nice touch.
Someone I went to high school with left a comment here yesterday! I love getting email from people that I went to high school with. Thanks to Echo and my books, I'm easy to find on the internet so I do hear from people from time to time. So fellow Huntington High School grads -- email away! I love hearing from you.
PS: I'm trying to be all subtle about how old I am and people keep saying, "Oh, don't worry about turning FIFTY," and, "Hi Stacy! Happy 50th!!" Or, "Yeah, FIFTY is not such a big deal." And so on. (Denial-busting meanies.) Okay. FIFTY, FIFTY, FIFTY. I surrender. I am as old as the hills and getting older as I type. Imagine that scene from about 50 million horror movies where the character suddenly ages to their true age, then turns into a skeleton, then dust, and then is blown away until there is nothing left. THAT'S ME. (In 12 more days. For now, I am still technically "in my forties," which doesn't sound as bad ... as that other age.)
ME: Right this very second Finney is curled up and warm on my lap, as I drink my coffee and Echo.
My Friend Cricket: Right this very second Bean is curled up and warm on my lap, as I drink my coffee and Echo.
ME: Prove it. I want pictures. [So she sent me a picture of the most adorable Bean.]
So I had to send her a picture of the most adorable Finney. Note that Cricket is wearing a blue tshirt and I am wearing a pink!
Finney's favorite new spot -- where the air conditioner was. It's coming back soon, though. It's just getting cleaned. I'm sorry Finney!
Meanwhile, as some of you know, I run an online BBS-type place called Echo. We're upgrading to a new machine, and as always happens, things are not working quite right. I can't go anywhere in the meantime while the wonderful people working on it continue to tinker and try to fix all the bugs.
So I will be inside again all day today (we started yesterday) going a little nuts. More voices of the dead. Is there anything really great on TV today? Oh! How is Barbaro (the favorite for the Preakness who was injured right at the start)?? I was crying and crying. Please tell me Barbaro is going to be okay.
I've started listening to tapes of the Duke Parapsychology Lab scientists I'm going to be writing about. They were made 30 years ago by Sy Mauskopf and Michael McVaugh who wrote a history of parapsychology called The Elusive Science.
These tapes are a godsend. All of these people are dead now, so they're great for getting some sense of their personalities. But listening to them is maddening at times. Mauskopf and McVaugh were after very different information than I am (not a better or worse thing). Something will come up and I'll be screaming, "Yes! Ask them more about that!" And Mauskopf and McVaugh will let it drop and go off in another direction.
While it rained and thundered and stormed all day yesterday, I stayed inside and listened to the voices of the dead.
Bizarrely, that reminds me, I didn't post about our choir's performance of Elijah. It was one of the best experiences of my choir life. What can I say, we were just on. And when you hear how good you sound it's so exciting you try even harder and it keeps spiraling upward, getting better and better and better. I cried twice during the performance it felt so great. The audience jumped to its feet the second we stopped. The soloists, who were great in the dress rehearsal the night before, were sublime.
Robert Gardner, the baritone who sang the part of Elijah, sang "It is enough" with such apparent genuine emotion it was like he was channeling all the world's grace in the face of despair. He sent us the nicest letter. I don't know if a soloist who has ever done this before. Here is his picture (which, by the way, doesn't do him justice -- I don't think I exaggerate when I say every man and woman in the choir had a crush on him -- you had to have been there, you would have developed a crush on him too, trust me).
Here is the letter he wrote:
Dear John,
Thanks for this opportunity to bring Mendelssohn's Elijah to life yet once again. Every time I revisit this piece it grows and develops. However, I can't imagine this getting much better than the reading we gave it Friday night.
The crowd energy, by its sheer mass, but also by the attention we received from every individual from the back aisle standing room to those seated on the floor in front of us made it an incomparable night to remember and cherish. Elijah munched on their energy!
The chorus's preparations were truly, truly world class ("evident" doesn't even come close!). There is no question that, after singing with some of the best choruses in the world, that this Choral Society of yours on Friday night ranked among the best in the world in its tonal quality, conviction, clarity, versatility and strength. Every sung note until the very last was exactly as it should have been, giving the community you serve something tangible and honest. In so doing, we all have achieved that which any musician sets out to do. We served. Most choral environments are not able to give this piece its due attention, and your success in this is duly noted and has already been commented on in other circles. The Choral Society of Grace Church is invariably an environment where the world's musical masterworks can be clearly heard without dishonest affectation or impedance. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for that.
All my very best to you and the Choral Society,
Robert Gardner
I know I’m not saying anything new, but I keep noticing this: kids want to be famous, but just for the sake of being famous. Fame has always been attractive, but it used to be you wanted to DO something that you'd be recognized for in a big way. Like, "I want to be the first woman president." I want to write the great American novel. I want to discover a new planet, etc.
The first few times I heard some young person say "I want to be famous" divorced from any accomplishment to bring them fame I assumed they just misspoke. "Famous for what," I'd ask and then I'd learn that they just wanted to be famous. That was it. They didn't want to do anything at all.
Maybe nothing has changed much. When I was growing up, only a few kids seemed to have a burning desire to do something in particular. A few more found something they wanted to do as we grew older. Those that never found their calling couldn’t hope for fame without accomplishment because that just didn’t happen then so much. So they went on to whatever job they eventually found, but it's not like they loved their job. Being famous would be a lot more fun than some marketing job, or any one of a billion boring jobs.
So now that it’s possible, why not want it, if you don’t have a burning desire to do something in particular? Accomplishment is better than fame, but if you don't have it in you, maybe fame is not so bad, if that's what you want. Not everyone wants that.
My preparations for my BIG birthday coming up:
- Thorough Spring cleaning, including getting the windows washed. Done.
- Go through all my clothes and donate everything I no longer wear. Done. I love how pared down and ordered my closet is, with only the things I actually wear, or need to wear for certain occasions.
- Do all my yearly doctor appointments, check-ups, etc. Done.
- Schedule facial and pedicure and dentist appointment. Done.
- Take cats for check-up and dental work. Done. (They need to get spruced-up, too.)
- Do all the things you've been putting off. This includes upgrading the blog software I use to do this, in fact, all sorts of software upgrades, AND, making a decision about my air conditioner. I had a guy come in to take a look and tell me if I need to get a new one. The one I have is 10 years old, and don't they make them better these days? He said I actually have a great unit, even if it is old, and he suggested I just clean it. So he took it with him to clean.
I LOVE having the air conditioner out of the window. Having the window all clear with nothing in it blocking the view makes the whole place seem lighter and more open. I wish I could live without the air conditioner. One thing -- the guy said they can take it out and store it during the winter and I am definitely going to do that from now on.
For most of the year I'll have this light open view. The next snowfall, I will have this view. (Ha! Check out Finney luxuriating in the down comforter.)
Within seconds of the air conditioner guy leaving, Finney was up inspecting the new view and a new windowsill to sit on.
And here are Aly, Jeff and me, friends for 30 years so far.
Incidentally! Someone didn't believe my story below about all the guys having sex in the warehouse on the Hudson. These are the guys who were with me and I asked if they remembered it. Aly said "yes," Jeff said, "vaguely."
Today I am having lunch with Aly and Jeff. I posted their pictures a couple of days ago, from when they were in their 20's (or 30, tops). I should mention that today, Jeff is the editor of Parabola Magazine and Aly has a book contract, and I forget the publisher. We're all writers!
Many many many years ago, when I was a photographer, I took a picture of the head of the Zoroastrians for Parabola Magazine. I was very proud. Ohmygod. The cross! I'm pretty sure I cropped that out in what I gave them. I think. My then soon to be sister-in-law Carol Zaleski, who was a student in the Department of Comparative Religion at Harvard, was interviewing him.
Zoroastrianism is generally considered the oldest organized religion. The last I heard, anyway. It's from Persia (Iran) and it was the first religion to lay out the battle between good and evil, although maybe I am remembering that from the Nietzsche book, "Thus Spake Zarathustra," which I read in college because it made me feel like a smart person (Zarathustra is the name Zoroaster in another language).
I was looking for an old photograph, and after glancing through decades of photographs of me and my friends I am now completely in the thick of that bittersweet, road not taken, look at how much time has passed, nostalgia-immersed mood.
The nice part is many of my favorites friends are still around and still my friends. I found a photograph of my friend Aly who had a band called The Leisure Units. I took it at either CBGB's or some other club. Minutes later, Aly emailed me and my ex-husband (we're still friends) about lunch on Wednesday.
This is my friend Chris, me and my friend Adrienne (and our dates) on my 16th birthday. I'm going to her graduation ceremony on June 2nd if she has decided on going. She was still iffy about it the last time we talked. She's getting her Masters.
This is Peter. I adored him. He asked me to marry him and I said yes, but then I saw that there was little chance for happiness for us, too many problems I didn't know how to solve, so I took it back. But I still loved him. It makes me sad to look at this picture. I wish I was smarter, or the two of us a little less fucked up. (I was going to post pictures of other guys I didn't marry, but ran out of scanning steam.)
And this is my ex-husband Jeff, looking very tough.
All of this was prompted by my VERY BIG birthday coming up. I hope I am able to make peace with it.
And I'm concentrating on the important things: my outfit. I have a hard time holding the camera steady. But I like the Stacy-ghost version:
But here's a sharper shot. I was going to flaunt tradition and wear a sleeveless top, because it got warm and the top is cute, but I chickened out. We're supposed to wear our least slut-like outfits, and apparently no sleeves = loose woman. Note the totally unsexy comfy shoes.
Wish me luck on the high notes!
Yesterday was traumatic. Both the cats were getting dental work and I couldn't feed after midnight the night before because they were getting anesthesia. Not being able to feed your cats in the morning is horrible. It's their greatest joy and you have to withold it from them. It's just awful. They cry cry cry, and you can't explain it to them.
And then picking them up from the vets! Both cats were shaking in their nooks. Poor little things. And you can't tell them the point of it all, and that they're going home and eating is going to be an even greater pleasure now, with all cleaned up teeth!
We're all okay now. Finney has two cavities and has to get medicine though.
Tonight, my choir rehearses with the orchestra, this is the best. It's like a performance but relaxed. And tomorrow is the performance! I'm in the front row this time. You can't fidget if you're in the front row, but it's very exciting. Here are some of my choir friends, that's Miriam, Barbara and Dimitra:
Had a great time out in Greenport with Lisette Coly (granddaughter of Eileen Garrett, the medium I will be writing about) and with Nancy Zingone and Carlos Alvarado. They pointed me to some pictures of Eileen Garrett online. Here's one of her in a trance:
After posting that one I feel like I must post a pretty one of her, too:
Pretty! Thank you, Chris.
I'm going out to the end of the island today to interview people for the Duke Parapsychology Lab book. I can't believe no one has written this book and I get to do it. There is such a treasure trove of stories. For the past couple of weeks I've been going through all the boxes of materials I brought back from Duke, listing the stories, and picking the best. The best = tells the story of what went on inside that lab, and is interesting or weird or sad.
At the same time I'm looking for films and tapes and people who knew the people I'm writing about it, so I can describe them accurately.
I'm bringing a camera and a scanner, and hopefully will have good pictures to post when I get back.
The other night, on the way to choir, I noticed some dead flowers stuck in the grating and on the stoop, next door to where I buy bread and juice on Hudson Street. One of the cards read "To Jane Jacobs - From Here She Changed the World."
Jane Jacobs died on April 25th. I think it's safe to say she saved the city I love. (See her book, The Death and Life of Great American Cities.) It's interesting to think she once lived in this building. When I first moved to this neighborhood it was little iffy this far west. The nearest AA meeting used to be filled with longshoreman who would curse at you if you were the least bit ... non-longshoreman-y. (Meaning show any emotion whatsoever.) And since she must have lived here before I got here, the neighborhood had to have been even tougher.
Oh God, now Bleeker Street over here looks like Rodeo Drive. The stories I could tell of the things I've seen and what it used to be like. The most bizarre sight was when I first moved over here in 1981. There used to be warehouses on the piers over on the Hudson River. I don't know why, but me and a couple of friends decided it would a good idea to go into one, at NIGHT. (Yes, we were idiots.)
We walked about mid-way through, hearing a noise I just couldn't identify. It was night, and there weren't any lights, so it wasn't until the halfway point that my eyes adjusted and I could see around me. Then I saw the source of the noise. Up and down the entire length of both sides of the warehouse, as far as the eye could see, naked butts going up and down. What I was hearing was the sound of several hundred couples having sex.
Anyway, I loved that people remembered her, and that she used to live in this building and left her flowers and thanked her for our city. (New Yorkers are great. And also out of their fucking minds -- see my previous story.)
Goodbye Jane. Thank you from me.
... and I can't move. I take video snapshots. Here's a rare Buddy shot.
Finney and me spot something on the fire escape. What's that??
Nothing worth bothering about. Let's nap.
Better yet. Let's clean ourselves. At this point it became a quest to get an action shot of his tongue.
Damnit.
DAMNIT, DAMNIT. (Nice Speed Racer action thing going on with his ears, though.)
Okay, THERE. Thank God. There's his tongue. Yes, that was a worthwhile quest.
Nothing makes an apartment feel fresher and Spring-cleanier than clean windows. It's such a mood enhancer. You probably can't appreciate the true beauty of them from web pictures.
See how clear the building across the street is??
And my view of ... well, bricks? You can really see those bricks!
When I was down at Duke reading all those letters--thousands and thousands and thousands of letters--I came to like certain people just because their letters made me laugh, or think, whatever. One of the people I came to like was an Irish medium named Eileen Garrett. I decided she had to be part of the book.
First, she arranged for crucial financing for the Parapsychology Lab. She was funny and compassionate. She was also this amazingly entrepreneurial renaissance-type woman. She knew how to get money, she started a publishing business, a magazine, a foundation. She took care of people. Just like Rhine really, but she had a completely different style. She is the perfect counterpoint to J. B. Rhine. They made a very interesting team, although I wonder if either of them would have called themselves a team.
I'm going out to Greenpoint to talk to Eileen Garrett's daughter and granddaughter next week. I cannot wait. Also, I haven't been out to Greenpoint since the 70's. Ohmygod, I just realized. I have pictures -- from when there was nothing out there except an abandoned, decaying hotel. I should find them and scan them. Meanwhile, here is Eileen.
