Raise your hand if Barbaro broke you heart. Why is that?? I'm not even a horse person. I took one riding lesson and said, "Not for me." I just really didn't want Barbaro to die. And he did. Damnit to hell.
Well, Finney and Buddy are healthy. Here is Finn, making it impossible for me to work. I had to move the computer off the desk and onto my lap because he kept trying to snap off keys. Note the tail action.
This is normal.
This is with "vivid" turned on. Great word, vivid. Vivid, vivid, vivid. I have to put it in my book somewhere. I honestly don't see using this effect a lot either. Maybe when I take a picture of a Christmas tree. You know what -- now I'm not sure which one was the one with vivid turned on.
I found this letter written to J. B. Rhine, the director of the Parapsychology Laboratory, and it was a rundown of the mediums in New York at the time. I want to track each of them down, not for the book I don't think. I'm just curious. I didn't have a lot of luck yesterday, but I've just started. They are:
Beulah Brown. Fact I turned up: she was a reverend for a Spiritualist church called Little Cedar.
Mrs. Tellier. Fact I turned up: her husband was a professional golfer who HUNG HIMSELF while away at a tournament.
Miss Barit. Turned up nothing.
Eddie Mackay. Turned up nothing.
Thorne. I think he was famous, but the letter doesn't list his first name so my first google pass didn't turn up anything. The woman writing said he was totally a fake.
This is kinda pretty, isn't it? I don't see using this a lot, but still. Nice.
Movie update! The Departed. Completely engrossing. I had to go to the bathroom at one point, and I was so mad, but I ran there and back, and didn't miss much. Leonardo Dicaprio -- I always think of him as someone I'm not wild about except when I see him in a film, he's always riveting. And I remember I always think that. I like him in everything I've seen him in.
I had a little problem suspending my disbelief. I didn't research this kind of operation, maybe it's more plausible than I know (I don't really believe that) but part of me couldn't help thinking the whole time that the whole thing never would have gone down like that. People are stupider, generally. Except at times I remember thinking they are not that stupid. Ha! Apparently I just disagree about how people are stupid. Doesn't matter. This was great.
I can't decide what to see today. It's between, Children of Men, Pan's Labyrinth and Catch and Release.
... in order to stave off Alzheimers. I learned how to use the macro function on my camera. His eyes are closed because I didn't want to shoot this close with a flash with his eyes open. (I had to wait, oh, two seconds, for him to nap.) My camera has all these functions that I never use, so I'm going to go through and learn them all.
I'm also going to learn how to play the banjo I bought. My plan was to learn enough to play a Christmas carol last year, but I never got around to it. This year is the year!
Movie update. Dreamgirls. I'm sorry, but I didn't like it. In fact, I found it excruciating. I don't know why, everyone did a good job, and it had a few good moments, but otherwise I couldn't wait for it to end, and of course it took freaking FOREVER to end.
The Painted Veil. Ah, this one I wanted to go on and on and on. My favorite movie in a long time. Tragic love story, absolutely incredible acting, scenery that made me want to move to rural China, I could have stayed in my seat and watched it again.
Failure. Photographing snow. It's hard, it turns out.
Success. Coming up with a beginning, middle, and end to this never ending chapter. Now I have to go back and clean up, pare down, and tinker.
Failure. John, our choir director, complained that we're not spending time at home learning the pieces. He complained again in email. The sad truth is, I spend about an hour a day working on the pieces (I have to, I'm a slow learner). The really sad truth is -- athough I spend an hour a day on them, I don't think I did any better than the people who didn't even look at them.
Success. Okay, there has to be another one. Give me a sec. Okay, this is embarrassing.
Failure. The Miami police can't find the case file I need. Still waiting to hear from the San Francisco police about the other one.
Success. Great. Back here again. Hmmm. It's a really good chapter. That will have to do!
I am feeling seriously uncreative today. Just can't get motivated to work. Here is Finney, who loves our HDTV as much as me, but only because it makes a nice bed in the sunlight.
So yeah, la-la-la, sitting around, being unproductive ... tap, tap, tap ... isn't it great to have American Idol back? Isn't Finney gorgeous? Don't you wish you could marry him? Well, you can't.
Okay, so that took up five minutes. How can I not-work next?
Before I forget, I'm trying to find the version of "Hello Goodbye" that's playing in the current Target commercial. Using google I was able to find out that it's a cover by a singer named Sophia Shorai, but I haven't found an MP3. If anyone finds it, let me know please.
Now I want to talk about movies. I haven't been to the movies in a while and there's a bunch I need to see before the Oscars. The Oscars are more fun if you've actually seen a movie or two. I used to go to the movies all the time when I was younger. Like three times a week. I saw everything, good or bad, I saw it all. Here are the movies I'd like to see before the Oscars. There's one or two that don't relate to Oscar-viewing, but I want to see them anyway.
The Departed
Dreamgirls
The Queen
Children of Men
Letters from Iwo Jima
Freedom Writers
Catch and Release
The Painted Veil
My choir's next concert is all Ralph Vaughan Williams (Ralph is pronounced Raiphe, our director reminds us). I go hot and cold with Vaughan Williams. Sometimes the music is so beautiful it's hard to get through it without crying. Sometimes, I don't get it. When one piece we're doing didn't immediately grab me, I got a little worried. Then at rehearsal last week I started warming up to it. Even better, the alto next me to me said one of the pieces we're doing she can't sing without crying. YAY. I don't remember which one she said, but yesterday I started working on "Toward the Unknown Region," and it made me cry!!!
I was so happy. I have to find the alto and ask her if that was the one she was talking about. I'm begging you, find this song and download it. The lyrics are from a poem by Walt Whitman titled Darest Thou Now O Soul.
I'm one of those people who almost never reads poetry unless I'm depressed, and I know the whole world already knows this and I am the last to find out, but Walt Whitman was one fucking great poet.
The words will destroy you. (A good destroy.) I wish I could look at death like this. (I was just thinking, would I have rather written these words or composed the music, and I think I wish I had the talent to have composed the music.)
Darest Thou Now O Soul
Darest thou now, O Soul,
Walk out with me toward the Unknown Region,
Where neither ground is for the feet, nor any path to follow,
No map, there, nor guide,
Nor voice sounding, nor touch of human hand,
Nor face with blooming flesh, nor lips, nor eyes, are in that land.
I know it not, O Soul;
Nor dost thou—all is a blank before us;
All waits, undream’d of, in that region—that inaccessible land.
Till, when the ties loosen,
All but the ties eternal, Time and Space,
Nor darkness, gravitation, sense, nor any bounds, bound us.
Then we burst forth—we float,
In Time and Space, O Soul—prepared for them;
Equal, equipt at last—(O joy! O fruit of all!) them to fulfil, O Soul.
Still sick, but definitely on the mend today. God, I'm so behind in so many things. Plus, I still have to see all the main nominated movies before the Oscars. It's not as fun to watch if you don't have an opinion. I don't think I've seen any, but for some reason cannot work up the energy to see Dreamgirls and at least ten others that I really should see in order to properly enjoy the show. That's all kinda backwards, it just occurred to me.
I think I'd rather just wander around the Met. This picture is from a current show about American fashion. I love the dress on the right! I hate shopping, so I don't have a lot of great clothes myself, but I love fashion. They've also got an exhibit titled "Glitter and Doom: German Portraits from the 1920's." Who can resist??
That reminds me, I watched an interesting show about mummies during my sick week of TV and books. It was about the history of deciding if a particular mummy was a royal mummy. After many decades they decided it was and the German guy who first proposed that it was and who had been shot down was still alive to be vindicated. That part was really nice, seeing him get the satisfaction of having been right all along. (I was so pleased for him, I had to wonder what I'm waiting to be vindicated about.)
I love mummies. Why isn't there a mummy channel?? All mummies all the time.
I also watched a sad sad sad documentary about a failed British expedition to find the northwest passage. They got stuck in the ice and actually lived for years waiting to be rescued and trying to get out. They ran into a couple of Inuits here and there, but not one of the explorers made it out alive. It's weird what you remember, but it reminded me of a comic book about pirates that I read when I must have been only 7 or 8. I will never forget the end of it. A woman was either ship wrecked, or left behind on purpose on an island, and I remember staring and staring at the final panel, horrified. She's looking off to sea, hoping, but the text lets you know that there was no rescue. Was there a panel of her skeleton on the beach, or was that something I projected for her future? No, there was definitely a drawing of a skeleton. But now I'm not sure if she was alone. Maybe there was a couple. But I only remember her. (Not too hard to see the unconscious identification there.)
That just gave me an idea for a project. Make a list of the things I think I will think about on my death bed. What images, memories, I think will pass through my mind at the end of my life.
I didn't leave the house at all yesterday, or do a bit of work. I still feel sick, so I'm going out for supplies, and then I'm coming back and curling up in this. Buddy is already there, warming it up. I'm considering doing work-related reading at least. But I'm also considering reading something escapist and watching TV. I wonder which will win?
The work-related reading is kinda fun. I'm reading about early UFO sightings in the 1940's, when they still called them flying saucers.
Once again, I really thought this book was going to be a snap compared to my book about unsolved murders. I'm working on a small passage about a letter to the editor of Life Magazine that Rhine wrote in 1957, right after pictures of the Little Rock Nine appeared in the magazine. (The Governor had brought in the National Guard to block de-segregation, and prevent nine black students from entering Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas.)
Rhine wrote a moving letter, and most people responded positively, but one person in Georgia wrote to say that the word "nigger" wasn't so bad, and scoffed at what he called Rhine’s "emotional tizzy," and said, "... there's a good chance, actors that children are, they maybe [sic] enjoying their roles ... As a psychologist, Dr. Rhine should be interested in the white children, particularly girls, with a deep seated (and justly so as Mississippi and other cases prove) fear of integrated rape, forced a bayonetpoint to closely associate with negro boys. Are not their souls scarred?"
Was he referring to Emmett Till, the 14-year-old who was murdered in 1955 because he whistled at a white woman?
I looked the person up, and sure enough, he's still living in Georgia. I want to call him, to ask him to comment on this letter. Perhaps he might welcome the chance to take these words back, but I might get an equally ugly response, 49 years later. Ugh, ugh, ugh.
But I should call him, right?
I've got my usual awards show dinner lined up: potato chips and onion dip. I'm set. This year I actually know someone who is nominated, and for a big one! We're not good friends or anything, only acquaintences, and barely acquainted, haven't seen him in years, but still. It will make it more fun. He was nice and I will have someone to root for.
Okay, back to Bridey Murphy research. Although it's not as interesting as I originally thought. I think I will only include a couple of paragraphs about it. Does anyone know this story? A woman in Colorado was hypnotized in 1952 and a past life came forth, a woman named Bridey Murphy who had lived died in Ireland.
I love when I find new music in movies (new to me, that is). This is a scene from the movie, Junebug, which, by the way, is a sweet movie, worth seeing. They're singing a hymn called "Softly and Tenderly." It's an incredibly beautiful little song. I downloaded a bunch of versions, but my favorite is by someone named Josh Turner.
I also watched Remains of the Day for the billionth time. That movie is like my theme movie. After, I downloaded the Schubert song that was sung by the German woman, (a Nazi--not the song's fault) "Sei mir Gegrusst." I don't know what the words mean. Schubert wrote so many beautiful songs. Song is probably not the right word.
So, this week I went to a couple of parties and discovered that I have lost any gift for smalltalk I might have had. It was excruciatingly awkward for me (although I had fun talking to Teresa at both, and her son Andrew who came to the second). But what an ego pounding. At the first one, it was loud and crowded and everyone knew each other, the kind of situation that I find just impossible. The second was less crowded, but also loud, people standing around in small, tight clusters. Who is good at negotiating that?? Still, I'm happy that Steven invited me to both. Not his fault I clammed up.
This is the kind of thing that restores my faith in humanity. To see more by this artist go here.
Finney: Oh? Was this your seat? [Pausing the self-cleaning process.]
Finney: Well it's MINES now. (Actually, he was just yawning.)
I'm backing up my computer right now, as I type. I wrote this morning, went to the gym, sent tax stuff to my accountant, found ways to cut corners this year, and I'm feeling virtuous, on top of things and in charge of my life. Clearly the universe is winding up to throw me my next curve ball. That sounds so pessimistic, I know. But in reality I'm a realistic optimist. The world sucks, but I will manage to have a decent time anyway.
Want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want.
Why oh why must I be poor?? I spent a whopping $815 yesterday at the dentist, so no iphone for me, alas. It's okay. There are always miracles. Oh god, though, if you haven't already you have to see this thing. You can go to Apple's website. The interface is just amazing. Perfection. The things you can do, just tapping around. You have to see it, it really is a marvel.
I've got a book party to go to tonight that I'm looking forward to. Normally these things can be surprisingly tedious, but it's a subject I'm interested in (that time of life) and I like the people.
I'm in a good mood today, for a poor person. I think it's because I went to the dentist. Ever since seeing the movie Castaway, I live in fear of being stranded on a desert island with dental issues. Whenever I get a cavity or something taken care of I think, "Good. Now if my plane crashes, I won't have to knock my tooth out with an ice skate." (Nevermind the fact that I won't get on a plane in the first place.)
It's not just me.
I've been smelling gas this morning, and it's been freaking me out. I smelled gas before once, and called the Con Ed number you're supposed to call, and they sent the fire department who didn't smell a thing and seemed very annoyed about it. So I was feeling hesistant about calling anyone again. What if it's just me again?
But it's all over the news. I keep hearing that they found a leak at W. 4th and Bleeker, which doesn't make sense because those streets are parallel. I also heard 10th and Bleeker. In any case, I live at Perry and Bleeker, so hearing Bleeker, Bleeker, Bleeker is not comforting. The NYPD is denying that they've found a leak.
I closed the windows, brushed my teeth and got out of my pj's (I'm home writing today). It's my version of the whole putting on clean underwear because what if you get into an accident thing. If we all blow up in some gas explosion, at least I won't be found unclean and still in my pj's at this hour.
Update: The OEM is not confirming the source of the odor. The Mayor is supposed to address the city in a few minutes.
Update 2: The OEM is now saying there is something going on at W. 4th and Bleeker. Have to find this intersection, I thought they didn't meet, but even though I've been living here 30 years I still get confused.
I keep hearing emergency vehicles going by, though, so it's around here somewhere.
Update 3: The sound of emergency vehicles is increasing.
Update 4: Either I'm getting used to it, or it's because I closed the windows, but I'm smelling it less. The news keep saying W. 4th and Bleeker, which is bugging me. I keep hearing sirens. Where is the Mayor?? (It's hard not to think "terrorism." Not to be alarmist. It's probably not.)
Update 5: Here's the Mayor. They found a small leak at 6th and Bleeker (thank you Mayor, for at least knowing the geography of the city, unlike everyone else apparently). But it's a small one, so that can't be the source of the smell. Ah. Just learned a new fact. Natural gas does not have a smell, so what we might be smelling is ... I missed it. An additive. So, they don't know what it is yet. Con Ed has not found a drop in pressure that would identify the source of a gas leak.
Update 6: That was a reassuring press conference. I mean, they still don't know what's going on, which is not ideal, but nonetheless, I feel a little calmer.
Update 7: Now everyone in New York is an expert about mercapton and thermal inversion, and what not. Actually, I love all the little factoids we pick up whenever the news latches onto a story. It's noon, and I don't smell the gas anymore. The story about all the birds dropping dead in Austin is creeping me out now.
I should start a new blog: What is Creeping Me Out at the Moment. (Sirens all over the place again. Okay, they're gone now. Heading away. The emergency is elsewhere.)
I had a bunch of good writing days in a row so I treated myself to a performance of Amahl and the Night Visitor at Grace Church today. I teared up at the end! Here are three snippets.
Everyone has read about how having a pet lowers your blood pressure, lessens anxiety and depression. Well, it gets even better than that according to study after study cited in this article.
Some highlights:
- The long-term survival rates of heart attack victims who had a pet have been shown to be significantly longer than for those who did not.
- Having a pet may decrease heart attack mortality rates by 3 percent, which translates into 30,000 lives saved annually.
- Pet owners have lower triglyceride and cholesterol levels than non-owners.
Thank you little fur-dudes. For the record, it goes both ways, they benefit from us, too. I'm sure they'd thank us if they could.
Finney if he could talk: Thank you for helping me live longer. For this, I will not bite you today.
I made some progress writing yesterday, so I'm going to get back in there again today to see if I can really get a grip on this chapter in order to get to the fun part -- tinkering. <--- I will try not to write sentences as bad as that one.
I forget where this was exactly, maybe just before I hit the 20's. I thought some people might be surprised to know WE HAVE BEACHES.
Today is another write-write-write day. I'm having a little trouble with this chapter, which I expect to be one of the best chapters in the book. Right now it's kicking my ass. The thing is, whatever was the hardest to do turns out to be the best thing done. Just because you had to work so hard at it, I guess.
But it's about EVP, and there's no way a chapter about the voices of the dead shouldn't be riveting, moving, atmospheric, sad, regardless of what you believe. Right? Okay. I'm going back in there.
I took this picture at the heliport on the Hudson, while out on my walk today. At some point in the 90's I developed a fear of flying and haven't been on a plane since. I never miss it except when I see helicopters. Helicopters make me want to fly. Which brings me to my New Year's resolutions.
1. Try not to be a pussy (stolen from a friend's brother resolution). The fear of flying made me think of this one.
2. Do more freelance writing.
3. Take a vacation. Outside New York. And some place you've never been before.
That's all I can think of.
Here's the picture I took of a line of fireman on 8th Avenue the other day. See? Out of focus.
Today it's once again: write and go to the gym. It's getting so that if I don't do one or the other or both I am filled with self-loathing! So unfair. I was going to put together a list of resolutions for 2007, but then I thought, "nah."
I am just so happy not only for Chris and Charlie, but because I didn't screw up!! I experimented with the video option on my camera and got a little bit of Charlie's vows and a little bit of Chris's. This is compressed for YouTube, and the quality is a better without the compression. In the first one, Chris laughs at the end which gets mostly lost in the compression.
So, here are Chris and Charlie getting ready.
This is my personal favorite. Charlie is leaning in for a kiss and Chris has this great smile, full of mischief.
I liked Charlie in this one. It's so hard to get shots where both people look good. Usually one person looks good, but the other is blinking, and Charlie in particular, turned out to be quite the blinker.
Here they are, at the altar.
Another altar shot!
It figures that at the moment of truth, IT'S OUT OF FOCUS. I remembered that the "night" option is flattering, something about the coloring, so I switched to that at the end. But every one with that option came out out of focus! It doesn't matter. I got a lot of shots, this is just a taste, and Charlie's brother was taking pictures too, so I'm sure between the two of us they're covered.
Chris, I've got hi-res versions of everything for you, so you can do what you like with them, make prints, and so on. And there are more shots than this.
It was great to be there on your wedding day, and thanks for coming back to wait with me at the train station. (The train was late and Chris and Charlie and his brother Danny came back to wait with me. Chris threw the bouquet, and I dropped it so we did a do-over. It still counts. Universe, you are on notice.)
I raise my coffee cup to you both!!