... I get the look of love. Except, there's still a bit of the devil in that face, isn't there? I've asked my friend Jackie to modify the blog banner to say: Satan's Fur Puppets. That's one of my favorite nicknames for Buddy and Finney.
The MRI was unnerving, I have to say. Two things made it okay. 1. They didn't put me all the way in. From the knees down I was sticking out and that was enormously comforting. 2. I'm teeny. That space inside is VERY small. A lot smaller than it looks on TV. I got through the unnerving bits using MBSR which I have learned and I really have to post about.
Most people are braver than me, it seems. Life would be so much easier, I can't help thinking, if I wasn't afraid of EVERYTHING. (I saved a baby spider yesterday, but then later killed a big one because it was too scary. Felt terrible about it.)
Afterwards, I asked the MRI guy to show me the part of my arm where it hurts, because where it hurts is different from where the doctors says I'm injured. They say it's my shoulder, I say it's my arm. They say I feel it lower because pain radiates, but for me it hurts in a line across the top third of my arm.
Sure enough, all is darkness in the MRI until you get to spot where I say it hurts, and then there are two bright white lines going around the front of my arm, surrounded by a cloud of white and white spidery-looking veins. The guy says he isn't really qualified to interpret and I say, "Could you just tell me, does everyone have two white lines there," and he said no.
I'm worried that the people reading the MRI won't look there. The prescription said to do the shoulder, and when I expressed my concerns about the location to the MRI guy he said, well, you're so small we're going to get that part in any case. But they might not look there.
In other news: The moth I photographed the other day is now dead. I felt terrible. (Again.) Maybe I should have tried to catch it and release it outside.
Poor monster moth. Tomorrow I'm getting an MRI for my hurt arm. I've never done this before. They always make MRIs look so scary on TV, and everytime I think, 'but that doesn't look particularly scary.' Tomorrow I will know firsthand. Scary or no?
I came across this walking downtown. You can't really see it in my picture here, but there's a picture of Eric holding a bike over his head with this joyful expression on his face. Every day there seems to be a story of a hit and run. I don't know if Eric's killing was also a hit and run, but the hit and run aspect just takes these things into a whole other category of evil, doesn't it? Someone can't even be bothered to stop and help the person they just hit?? What if stopping could have saved them?
There is a tolerance for lawlessness from drivers in the city that is criminal. I know how insane and assholish pedestrians can be. I've been in cars in the city and I see how they just walk in front of cars, and then not only do they cross when they don't have the light they take their freaking time about it, and so many bike riders act like the rules don't apply to them period, but bottomline, the corresponding assholishness from drivers kills people. I walk all the time everywhere, and therefore have almost been hit by cars more than most. I'm not surprised by the number of hit and runs at all.
I would be happy with a general crackdown on all sides, but I wish something would be done about it already. It doesn't have to be like this. I've been in other cities where everyone follows the traffic rules.
This is my nephew Christopher who is graduating from high school. Yesterday I noticed he's like, a guy. To me, he's always been a really cute kid, but to girls his age, I mean, look at him. He's got a bit of a Prince William thing going on there, don't you think? Same with my other nephew Greg. All of a sudden not cute kid, but cute GUY.
I only talked to him for two seconds, and I'm so mad. I meant to ask him what he planned to study in college and what he thought he was going to do with his life. (I'm so easily distracted.) Karen, what does he think he will be?
I recently asked people on Echo what their dreams/plans/goals were back when they were 18 and just starting out. Then I added a part 2: what happened to that dream/plan/goal, what changed your mind? (IE, I decided I liked X better, or working in Hollywood wasn't as fun as I thought it would be.)
I made up my mind to be a writer when I was 9, but I knew that making a living that way was going to be a longshot. As to what I might do in the meantime however, I didn't have a clue. I only went to college because the alternatives without it were so grim. Picking my major was only a little more planned than picking a number out of a hat. I picked oceanography because I had grown up not far from the water, and had watched a bunch of Jacques Cousteau specials and going to the work out on a boat instead of an office looked like fun.
Then I was introduced to reality. Endless science classes! What the hell? Plus, it was the seventies and I learned that Jacques Cousteau wouldn't hire women for the fun jobs.
So what does Christopher think his future might look like?
I handed in a completed first draft of my book to my agent this week. It's missing the epilogue, but the narrative ends with the final chapter so the heart of the book, the story part is done. I'm way ahead of schedule. By the time my editor sees it, it will be six months ahead. I'm sitting pretty and should be happy, but here's what's going on inside my head:
They're going to just cancel the book it's that bad, no one will ever pay me to write a book again, no one else will hire me, pretty soon I will be homeless, my cats will die, I will die, but not before realizing that I've let everyone who helped me write this book down. I'm an idiot. I did a bad job. I suck. Etc.
Because of my MBSR classes, I'm freaking out, but I'm freaking out mindfully. Big difference. (Kill me now.) Here's a list of things I want to talk about when I'm not freaking out:
- MBSR.
- So You Think You Can Dance.
- The guy who slammed into me on the street today. (Jerk. No, jerk to the infinity power.)
- My Stupid Un-Healing Arm.
- The Echo financial stuff that's stressing me out.
- Chihuahuas, as in "I want one."
Tomorrow I've got an MBSR thing from 9 - 1, then I’m going out to Long Island for my nephew Christopher’s graduation party. Hopefully I will be feeling better by then. (It's almost guaranteed that I will.)
(That picture above is of Travis Wall, the guy I wanted to win So You Think You Can Dance last year.)
This is my friend Marianne's dog Schlomo in hydrotherapy. The poor thing is struggling to walk and so Marianne has him in hydrotherapy. Go little Schlomo go! Oh God, look at that face. Who can not love animals?
I'm having a crisis of confidence today, and I'm thinking the best thing to do might be to stop working. I've been writing, editing, day in and day out. And I think I've come up with good solutions to some problems that were brought to my attention. Even today when I thought I was done I got a cool idea which I just implemented. But now I look at it and I can't tell what I have anymore. Step away from the book, Stacy.
My band has a great gig tomorrow night, just a couple of blocks away from where I live, in a park. Playing outside is my favorite thing in the world. And here's a gig I just have to step out the door to play, but I don't know if I can. My doctor said to practice and see what effect that had. He said I might cause more damage, and I might not. So, I'm going to do the heat/exercise/stretch/ice thing and see.
I might as well do that now ... instead of mess up my book. Step away from the book, Stacy!
I've completely exhausted all the take-out food places in my neighborhood, so I broke down and took a cooking course. It was great!! I'm in the best mood now. I went to the Institute of Culinary Education on 23rd Street, and the experience was wonderful from beginning to end. Everyone who works there was very nice, and the person who taught this class, Jackie Newgent, picked such perfect recipies, for my needs anyway. Healthy, easy, and all were vegetarian except for a couple. And she taught me how to use a knife and I feel like I just learned a whole new language or something. I know that sounds crazy, but learning how to chop things up easily and quickly and well was amazingly empowering. I CAN RULE THE WORLD.
The name of the course was Superfoods: Summertime Fresh and Flavorful and my group made: Organic Mexican Layer Dip; Basil-Walnut Pesto Pasta Salad with Baby Spinach; Lebanese Tabbouleh with English Cucumber; Heirloom Tomato Caprese Spaghetti; and Natural Cocoa Smoothie.
Of all the dishes the other groups made, these were the two best: Mesclun Salad with Goat Cheese and Fresh Raspberry Dressing; and Avocado Huevos Rancheros Torta.
Seriously, I am just so excited. Maybe I can cook myself once in a while. Who knew?? That cooking didn't completely suck, I mean. KAREN!! You should have told me!! You are the cooker in the family!! But I will need easy dishes like this for the winter, too, now.
Part of me always regrets not taking a Keith Haring drawing when they were everywhere, all over the subway and no one knew who he was yet. But I felt that would be wrong. They were there for everyone to enjoy and I shouldn't be so greedy and grasping about it. So I didn't. Little Miss Goody Two Shoes that I am. (Mostly.) Except few would have cared and one of those drawings would be worth a fortune now. Poor Keith Haring though. Life is so unfair.
I just came across this on 1st Ave. between 3rd and 4th. I think it's by the same guy who did the peace one on 14th Street. Like before, I wasn't really tempted. I still think whoever puts them up is putting them up for everyone. I liked the peace one better, except it has since been vandalized. "Everyone" can be such a jerk sometimes.
Should be editing again today, but I'm a little burnt out. Too lazy to go out and do anything else though. I took the long way back from the dentist. I went by way of the lower east side to pick up some moisterizer by Christine Chin. This is the place to go for facial and having your eyebrows done, by the way.
Oh GOD, could this be a more boring post?? Proof I need a vacation. Which I never take.
Thank you Don Vassallo for the choir pictures! This is from our last concert.
Did I mention that I hurt my arm and have been going to physical therapy? Well, it keeps getting worse and worse and worse and so they are scheduling an MRI. Of course it's Arm Cancer. I just get over the Bleeding Face Cancer and now this.
Here's my plan for the day:
- Coffee and blogging and Echo.
- Start reading book again (I've tinkered and now I see what I'm left with.)
- Shower.
- Mediate (who would have freaking thought I would turn into a meditator??).
- Gym. (A little backwards, I know, showering before the gym.)
- Finish reading book.
- Look at myself in the mirror and obsess about my eyebrows.
- Oh, eat! At some point I must eat. At two points, really.
- Spend a few minutes expounding on the wonders of Finney's belly.
- Perhaps take pictures of Finney's belly.
- I hate the word belly when it comes to humans by the way, I prefer the word stomach, but with animals, belly is the proper word.
- Look at my own stomach/belly and go back and forth between "it's cute" and "uh-oh, you have a stomach."
- Call father at some point.
- Worry about something (dying, the cats dying, never finding love again, Joss Whedon never doing a TV show again, world cluster-fuck getting worse, our current government ... oh I shouldn't get started about that, I will implode, a spider might walk over me while I sleep, my cats might eat a spider, my hair is going to take forever to grow long enough to put in a ponytail again, the apocolypse. Just kidding about the last one.)
- TV TV TV TV TV. The 4400 starts up again tonight!
I love spanish moss, but this is over-kill I thought. I shot this on Morton Street, and you're not seeing the piles and piles of it that is laying along the outer edges which I cropped out. Also, the color seems wrong, although for the life of me, I'm not sure what color I think it should be.
I've been working like a dog, editing editing editing, and for the past two days I've been wrong, apparently, about what day it is. It's freaking Saturday, it turns out. How did that happen??
Howard and I went down to the river to work, and it was an incredibly nice thing we discovered. We want to do it again. At a certain point a storm came up and we got to see a fantastic lightening storm over in New Jersey. It was beautiful. I felt energized. Looming darkness. Flashes of bright light. Possible destruction. I feel reborn. Go figure.
I walked by this cop and his horse on 11th Street, on my way to the gym. Doesn't this horse look way too small for this policeman? I thought, 'well, maybe he's a baby horse in training, out on his training run, on the quiet streets of the West Village,' but still. He looked too small to carry that guy (not a comment on the guy, who was an average sized guy). The horse loved those kids though.
I found this absolutely adorable YouTube video of a mounted cop, I think I read it was made by the guy's daughter. Very cute.
OH. I almost forgot. I found the most perfect song. The number one most perfect pop song in all the universe. I didn't find it, my friend Aly told me I'd like it and he was right. It's called Couldn't Be Done and it's by Tim Finn. I have to make myself stop listening to it over and over. Everything about it, the words, supported by the most perfect, mood-lifting, everything's-going-to-be-alright melody. Go find it and listen to it. You'll thank me. No seriously, go find it now. (Excuse me, but are you still here?? GO. I mean, please go.)
Last night I went out to Huntington to a dinner to honor my brother who was named the Man of the Year by the Kidney & Urology Foundation of America Inc. Most of my pictures didn't come out so well but here are a few, such as they are.
This is me and my friend Chris. It looks like she's squirming to get away from me, right? That's because I have Bleeding-Face-Cancer. (A blood vessel broke and bled out into my face.)
The party was held at the house built by banker Otto Kahn because bigots in another location on Long Island wouldn't let him live where they lived (because he was Jewish). Here are the grounds behind his home. I kept thinking, 'this is a beautiful place where I don't live."
Here is the house that Otto built. Here I'm thinking, 'too much to keep clean.'
This is my father introducing my brother. I have to say, I was terrified when my father got up to speak. 1, because my father is not an expressive man, so there's the no-experience-expressing-his-feelings thing and 2, because he never expresses his feelings, he's a complete mystery, so God knows what he'll say. "Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to take this opportunity to discuss capacitors." (My father's degree is in electrical engineering.) And 3, because he was following the guy who was honored before my brother, Dr. Zelig Frischer, who spoke about the years he spent in a Siberian concentration camp. Good freaking lord how is my inexpressive father going to follow that?? Cringe, cringe, cringe.
Thankfully, he realized there was no following that, and he was brief and gracious. Good job, Dad!
This is my brother Douglas, who is public speaker extraordinaire, so I had no worries when he got up. He was great and moving as always. I wish I had gotten a picture of his friends Jon and Kat. We all took out pages in the program to congratulate him, and I was so sure mine was going to be the best (it was a snippet from the television show Angel) but Jon and Kat blew me out of the water by congratulating him on winning man of the year which was great considering the women's clothes thing. (God it was perfect. Jon and Kat, I learn from you.)
Buddy: Look at that.
Finney: I know. It's right there.
Buddy: Right? But does she let us get at it? No. For she is evil.
Finney: She is most certainly evil.
Buddy: I depair sometimes.
Finney: Look, I'm going to just sleep. It's just too depressing.
Buddy: Okay, dude. I'm going to keep watching. You know, like, what the hell. Fuck it.
Going to see 28 Weeks Later this morning with Jonathan. Now this is how I like to start a weekend. ZOMBIES.
Last night I went to the Loser's Lounge, but I forgot to bring out my camera. It's almost gotten to point where if I don't take a picture and blog about it, it didn't happen. It was great, as usual.
After zombies, it's work work work this weekend. I'm going to read my book cover to cover and see how it holds together and what needs to be done to make it a coherent whole. I haven't read the whole thing through, but this is also the first time I've written a book that was laid out in chronological order. Still, I need to go back and make sure certain things I want to emphasis are running through the book in the right ... strength. At the same time I need to delete things that I thought were going to be important, but turned out not to be.
Norfolk, VA. Born there, while father was in Navy. Left when I was three-months-old.
Rockville Center, Long Island. No memory of it.
Levitown, Long Island. The epitome of suburbia I'm told, but I have no memory of it.
Centerport, Long Island. Loved it here, was unhappy when we moved. We lived across the street from what is now a protected nature preserve. Lots of woods and swamps and streams.
Huntington, Long Island. This is basically where I grew up.
Syossett, Long Island. Lived here after parents divorced.
Jensen Beach, Florida. Went to school at the Florida Institute of Technology to study oceanography.
Athens, OH. Transferred to Ohio University to study photography.
Waltham, MA. Transferred to Tufts University and the Museum School. Also to study photography and fine arts.
Cambridge, MA. Waltham was depressing, so I moved to Cambridge. Loved Cambridge. But my dream has always been, since I was a little girl, to live in ...
Manhattan. Look at the picture! That's my home.
Last night there was a party at Grand Central for an exhibit based on the book Celluloid Skyline: New York and the Movies, that was written by a friend, James Sanders. The exhibit is co-sponsored by Turner Classic Movies and Time Warner Cable. Turner Classic Movies is also doing a month long New York movies film festival on TV. The host, Robert Osbourne was at the party and he said a few words. That was fun.
That's actually a huge backdrop in the background of this shot. None of my shots came out really great, alas. (That's Howard looking at the camera.)
Another friend there said that James called him and said, "This is my dream." And I thought about that. Imagine you love New York and movies (and who doesn't??) and you spend years writing this book about New York movies, and one day a big hall in the always stunning Grand Central Station is taken over to celebrate your book and what your book celebrates, and the TV is also celebrating it at the same time, and there's this wonderful exhibit of films, and stills, and backdrops, it all comes together, and you made this happen.
It's a nice dream, I thought.
These are my friends Cori and Jimmy and they took me to a movie (Knocked Up) and dinner (the fabulous place that we all love and can never remember the name of) for my birthday! We passed by the peace sign on the way so I checked the back for the artist's name this time but no go.
Thank you, Cori and Jimmy!! That was so nice of you guys. OH, and because Jimmy complained to the management about our horrible movie service (they started the wrong movie, 28 Weeks Later, which I'm going to see next Friday so I had to close my eyes and cover my ears and no air conditioning) we got free movie tickets, so I am going to get to see another movie on Jimmy and Cori!
Oh god. Today is my birthday. I am offically freaking OLD. No, oldER than freaking old, because I was freaking old last year. Thank god I'm CUTE.
So today, movies all day I think. Although, I kinda want to lay around and read non-book related stuff. I'm reading Cormac McCarthy's The Road and it's stupendous. It is also, embarrassingly, an Oprah pick, but that's not why I am reading it!! It has a post-apocalyptic setting and as anyone can tell you, I love a post-apocalyptic setting. I'd given Cormac McCarthy a try way back, with All The Pretty Horses, but I couldn't get into it. This I can.
What to do, what to do. Oh! I should go open my e-birthday card. My sister-in-law Karen has been sending me cards everyday for the past few days. Very sweet and funny. Thank you, Karen and family! HAHAHA. Today was kittens singing me happy birthday!!! Ha! Perfect. Have Satan's fur puppets Finney and Buddy noted my birthday in any way?? They have not.
I think today I will see 28 Weeks Later, and then this afternoon I am meeting Jim and Cori to see Knocked Up. Only two more days of boring, obsessive birthday posts!
Okay, my birthday weekend has started for real -- Jackie brought these for me at lunch! They are a little melted because I carried them around with me afterwards while I shopped, but they are in the refridgerator now, and they will taste delicious! Thank you, Jackie. (They are from the Cupcake Cafe, my favorite place for treats, as Jackie knows. Very thoughful.)
We were taking Brett and Erin out to lunch to celebrate their recent engagement. Congratulations Brett and Erin!! Look at Erin -- is my friend Brett lucky or WHAT?? (Okay, he's great too, they're both lucky.)
Here's to true love and cupcakes!
