HELLRAISER: BLOODLINE

         HELLRAISER: BLOODLINE, the latest in Mirimax's
 moribund scare-series, was originally directed by ex-
 effects whiz-kid Kevin Yeager (he of CHILDS PLAY and
 Chuckie fame) to be an epic tale tracing the Cenobites
 through the Victorian era, present day and the Future (in
 space, yet). For this Lean-esque scenario, 36 days were
 allotted with a budget you could balance on a pin.
 Yeagher was quickly shelved, with director Joe Chapelle
 (HALLOWEEN 7 or 8) ushered in. The poor shnook did
 what he could, but the Guys in Suits kept asking for
 changes, then looked for people to blame once the
 changes were shot and turned out to cost Money.
         Enter Smithee, and more testimony that our hero
 can do anything, as he took this myopic mess and
 fashioned a releasable (if not watchable) film out of the
 cans of moaning celluloid cluttering editing rooms from
 North Carolina to La-La.
         And when the critics snarl and froth over the
 massive suckage of this one, again, the original works of
 the Master will be shunted to the side, leaving only us
 faithful to keep the light of truth burning during yet
 another dark night of the Smithee.
         Worse, we will never see the (now cut out footage)
 Smithee revenge ploy on his least favorite actress--the
 ever-squatting Karen Black--whom he'd cast as a
 restoration-period Cenobite trollop hoisted by her own
 fleshy petards (efx courtesy KNB Group).

-- Grey Zone 1