Local residents, church-goers and members of Holy Reach Mercy Hospital are up in arms at the recent release of director Alan Smithee's latest shock-fest, "Last Possession on Mandroid Street". Besides the film's blasphemous plot-line featuring a disrespectfully-etched insane cleric (played by John Saxon) and even more odious material in this Hollywood quick buck Shockeroo, there are the unsettling questions as the the venue chosen for this trash, and the man responsible, as "Last Possession" includes scenes featuring various mutated humans, mentally unstable Americans and Jeff Fahey.
As all Simperton-ites know, Mercy Hospital is the leading home for the mentally ill, as well as having its own wing for local victims of thalidomide poisoning. And the hospital is only two doors down from the Mid-Town Rivoli.
"Maybe this crap plays in the sin-infested, rot-souled cities," said an unusually poetic Reverend Marcus Pinkerseed, "but out here in God's country, it's a no-go. I got this personal from the Lord himself."
But it was Simperton's Mayor Orlof Bundle who hit the issue square on the head, noting, "Mercy Reach is here to help good Americans blighted with terrible fates. This film--I wouldn't go so far as to call it a God-fearin "movie"--spits in the face of human compassion. Good folks who don't need no trashy movies like this. And I wanna know why Bubba Jay booked this crap--you can quote me--right next to Mercy Reach!"
Mayor Bundle was referring to Ibsen "Bubba Jay" Jenk, owner of the Mid-town Rivoli Theatre. Said Mr. Jenk, ""Well, the mayor--he's good folk but I got a business to run. People like freaks and stuff, and this movie has 'em aplenty. To be honest, it never even hit me that the freaks--I mean, those unfortunate souls over at Mercy Reach--would take umbrage. I mean, heck--it's just a movie. And a Smithee movie at that: people should know to expect something a little, y'know--off-center-like."
Still, to assuage the group's demands, Mr. Jenk said he would cut the more disturbing Fahey footage. "Mainly the close-up stuff with his eyes," the theatre-chain owner clarified. However, last Wednesday, Mr. Jenk used the mayor's own words, posting the words: "SPITS IN THE FACE OF HUMAN COMPASSION!" on the theatre marquee.
When asked about this, Mr. Jenk blushed and said, "Well, heck, it's just good ol' fashioned showmanship."
"Last Possession on Mandroid" street will play a special Sunday double-feature with "The Wiz", with children admitted free.
-- Grey Zone I