POLITICS ARCHIVE
I am 21, a malaysian chinese. I've always known deep inside me that I'm gay. Since school days, I've always been attracted to girls. But our relationships have always been platonic friendships, never more than that. I've had my fair shares of infatuations, but it always ends there, cos I've never been able to admit that I'm gay, I've always been in doubt, always had identity crisis. i'm a coward, yes, but in the society I live in, no one can accept gays or lesbians. I do not have any gay friends, do not know any1 who is gay. So I've always portrayed myself as straight, I've had relationships with guys. But they never work, cos the feeling is never mutual. They loved me, but I cannot return those feelings. I'm writing this cos I want out from this fake life that I'm living in. I want to come out gay. i'm currently on my uni semester break, and I'm working part time in a mall. I fell in love instantly with a colleague of mine, but she has a boyfriend. I couldn't do anything, but just hide my feelings for her. She treats me as a friend, nothing more. She, as with everyone else here, do not believe in gays or lesbians. I know that I'll never be able to have her, to be with her, to declare my love for her. Just like many other times when I fell in love. All I really want in life is to be with the one in love, to life in a society that accepts us. I dream about it every night. I can't wait to graduate, to start work, and to migrate to some other country, where I'll be able to start anew, and be true to myself, and find someone who will love me as much as I her, who I can declare my love for publicly. And I also dream of making the girl I love very happy, wrapping her in my arms, falling asleep with her, waking up with her... and maybe one day, one day, I'll be able to tell my parents, and they will be accept me, and be happy for me. Maybe one day...
Georgina Edwards from the UK. I'm with the girl of my dreams. We have been together 3 years and before I met her, I had always seen Men. She changed everything and, although it was hard to adjust at first I feel totally comfortable with my sexuality. I really miss the way I could be naturally open with a man in public. Although I try, I have to admit it is still hard as people do stare and it makes me feel like a freak. I love my girlfriend dearly and I just hope people will accept us one day.
I am a community college student in Missouri. Since I am only 20, the college demanded that I provide my parents' income information on my Pell Grant form, even though I haven't lived with them since I was 18 and they don't pay for my college or any of my other expenses (I don't want them to). They refused to accept my wife's (partner, significant other, etc) information because we aren't "married". I lost over $2000 in grant money I could have received based on our joint information. My parents' business closed last year and they haven't gotten their taxes worked out, so I couldn't even ask them for information. The school basically accused me of "picking someone off the street" and using their information just to scam the system. They didn't care that we'd been together for two years and I am a "dependent" on her taxes. If we had been able to get married, none of this would have happened. That simple piece of paper means more to people than genuine relationships do.
I am a 64 year old lesbian. About a month ago I lost my mate of 26 years in an automobile accident. For all my life, my sexual orientation has been a non-issue. I'm neither out or in. I lived my life the way I wanted to, and let people think what they wanted. Until now.When Marilyn died, I not only lost my world; but I found out what the quest for equality is all about. I ordered her cremation; I paid for it. But when it came time to pick up the remains, I couldn't do it because I "am not family." Furthermore, the funeral reimbursement that will be made by OUR auto insurance will go to her estate, not to me. Neither her pension nor a little life insurance policy she had at work will honor her selection of me as the beneficiary. It has to be either spouse or children. I am now considered a "renter" in the house we bought together because it was in her name; and so far we haven't found her will. Within the next two months, I will have to buy "renter's" insurance to protect "my valuables." How do you assign valuables when everything we have purchased and paid for in the past 26 years have been done jointly?
What is happening is that gay and lesbians are being punished for our lifestyle in the guise of "not singling us out for special treatment." We are not asking for special treatment; we just want equal treatment. From the outcome of the recent election, that goal is getting further away instead of closer.
I have had expressions of sympathy from politicians from the state capital to Washington because Marilyn was running for the state legislature. And maybe they are sincere. But are they doing anything to change the discrimination against a large minority in our country? Not nearly enough.
And a note to Virginia La Gasa who wrote about the AFL-CIO. It is the Laborer's Union insurance that will not honor Marilyn's chosen beneficiary. Be careful.
anonymous.How many times have you heard recently that it's "more accepted now to be gay"? By who? Sure...my friends couldn't care less that I prefer women. But politically...it SUCKS! I have the misfortune of having fallen in love with a young woman in Canada. I am American. And I was naive, to say the least, when I began to think about having her move down and live with me. Finally...I surfed onto an Immigration webpage to see "what kind of paperwork" of we'd have to complete to get some kind of visa or card so she could work and go to school here. slap in the face. I have only recently "come out" to being bisexual, or gay, or whatever you want to call it. Labels...labels are just more political and social garbage. I have sexuality. I love women. I have been married to a man for 14 years and am currently getting divorced. What am I? A human being. And as a human being, I deserve to be able to love whomever I wish. And I deserve to be able to put that person on my hea! lthcare if I chose to and am willing t pay the premiums. I deserve to be able to marry that person if I chose, and to apply for a family visa so that we can be together. If I were a man, i could be processing paperwork RIGHT NOW to bring my love to me. But because we have the misfortune of being two women, we fall between the cracks. We are not allowed to be together. The fact that we are 3,000 miles apart, or that I am 15 years older than her, all have proven to be insignificant. what matters is some imaginary line that men have drawn that says "this is the United States and THAT is Canada." It's "more accepted to be gay"? by whom? It appears that the only acceptance that matters is politically...and in that arena...we are less than human. We are a scourage in society. We are discriminated against...for loving. I am outraged. And I am alone. Because an imaginary line has been drawn.
anonymous.I'M A 25 YR OLD WOMAN W/A 5 YR OLD SON AND EVER SINCE I STARTED LISTENING TO INDIGO GIRLS IN '95 ---THEY'VE ENCOURAGED ME TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF AND COME OUT OF THE CLOSET!!!..AND I WAS LUCKY ME "KINDA" PREJUDICE FAMILY ACCEPTED ME AND NOW I LIVE MORE FREE THAN I EVER DID!!!...I'M PROUD TO BE A LESBIAN AND WE DESERVE MORE RIGHTS!!!!..I'LL HELP IN ANY WAY---LET ME KNOW!
anonymous from London
Will people ever understand how im feeling inside? Will people ever understand when i need a place to hide?A place that knows how much i care?
A place where sexuallity is aware?I know that not everyone feels how i feel, but you can't change, not for anyone, however much you love them.
And if anything, follow your feelings, dont be afraid to show your emotions. They are what make you, you.
anonymous.Living each day to the fullest and being who we are is the most important thing we can be.
anonymous.It strikes me that people may not be "lesbian-identifying" because they don't want to be put into a box. I believe in freedom, which includes freedom from having to live by someone else's definition of what a lesbian should be. Coming out I found to be problematic not because straight people rejected me, but because I was then expected to fit into a box that was not of my own design. And this non-identity politic that you're talking about could very well be a reaction to that.
However, to have that freedom- to choose how one will live- there needs to be queer-positive organizatons and a movement. Every day I am reminded that we have a long way to go. It still is not *safe* for everyone to be out. We, as non-hetero people :-), need to stick together. So I'd say, "Call yourself whatever you want, but don't forget that our work isn't done... and that even if you don't call yourself a lesbian, your neighbor may."
anonymous.I too worry about cultural studies, gender studies, etc., making women and women's experience invisible. Misogyny has deep roots in this culture. I'll believe that gender is socially constructed when men get beaten, raped, and killed by women as often as women are by men. The fight for women's full rights and dignity as human beings is far from over!! I'm an old-fashioned feminist and proud of it!!
Sarah-Samayra Filley. It is significant that very few other lesbians have chose to discuss politics. Is it because politics is not a separate issue for us and separate from the fact that we are navigating through a landscape with increasingly ephemeral bounderies of what the self could become that being a strong woman is politically subversive - that being an artist is subversive and that loving other women is an intensly political act and it is hard for me to separate these actions choices and passions as either biography or politics or art. I can't make a distinction -- to live deeply is a political act and to commit to my own voice as a sculpture-performance artist is saying fuck you to the expectations of my pig farmer family and fuck you to the lack of expectations of this country for bad ass women everywere. If we talk to one another -- If we become who we are truelly we will be making revolution accross the flesh and smiles of one another!
Deep Dish TV - printed matter
Marji. Having lived in two prominantly populated Lesbian areas, Northampton and Chicago, I am noticing a political movement in the lesbian and lesbian-feminist communities to be non-lesbian identified. This appears to be both an anger towards being pigeon-holed by sexuality and a generational change of ideals but usually it instigates itself into making fun of lesbian history or areas of interest, i.e., art and writings that are thematically grouped into women as lesbians. Considering recent cultural studies in gender, Foucault and Butler, etc. who pontificate gender roles as culture-made, I agree with most of their contentions. Younger women are reading this material and missing the point. What do you all think? Is it still necessary to have women-run galleries, women-specific groupings in terms of womens studies, women art exhibits, women and sports, etc.? Judith Butler asks in her essay "Subversive Bodily Acts", Should we still be asking the woman question? I suggest we can't stop asking it until we truly understand its context now politically and socially.
Anonymous. I am a 31 year old lesbian farmer in rural South Carolina. My partner and I belong to the local volunteer fire department and are active in the administration of our community center. We are outspoken in County, State and National politics on environmental issues. In 1995 our local newspaper, The Herald, asked to interview me for a regular Tuesday column call-in. To my surprise, I agreed.
Visible. I'm 33. I 'm active and out and getting louder. I was just reading the archives,, not going to write anything until i saw that there was only 3 submissions in thhis category. I have been thinking of running for a seat on the city council to be the first out lesbian to do so in this homophhobic little town...my political science instructor asked "why do you have to make the sexuality an issue?" I replied that in this area we need to be visible, yeahh, i could put on make-up (which I gave up years ago) and a dress (which i still like to do once in a while) and pass as straight, but that is a privilege??? People of color can't hide their skin in order to get elected and then "come out"...and besides, I'm already out I'm the President of our local lesbian and gay community center and if i tried to hide my orientation, thhhey would just try to use it against me and I'm out, Proud and not going back in the closet for anything.....still she asked, "Why do you have to make the sexuality an issue?" As if my first answers did not explain....did you not hear me when i said how important visibility is? sure i may not get elected but they are going to know I'm here. I believe that my sexual behavior is personal and private but my orientation is not,, I see in my local newspaper on a daily basis wedding announcements, engagements, ...BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENTS... all kinds of evidence that says sexual orientation is not a closeted affair EXCEPT MINE??????? This I refuse to accept,, If someone has a problem withh my orientation it is their problem and I won't change me because they can't deal with their thinking about me.....I may still run for city council, or representative to the state capitol or some other public office and when I do I'LL BE OUT, PROUD, LOUD AND VISIBLE.
Cece W. In the 1997 state election, I ran for a seat, I didn't hide my sexual identity, but I didn't exploit it either. A person running alongside me found out that I was a lesbian and started a smear campaign, then involved the church. Of cource I had to withdraw, not because I was afraid, but because of the pressure on me and my family. It was hard for me to get over this.
milo. when i read the papers and watch tv, i am very thankful that i live in canada. sure, my gf can't be on my health plan, and the college doesnt accept her as my spouse, but things could be worse. I think about countries where it is still punishable by death and forget about the little things. It does not mean that i will ever stop fighting for our rights, because the more we advence, the better chance that other countries will eventually follow. I get very upset when people tell me that today is a good place for lesbians. I wish i could show them the stories of friends put in the hospital for being gay.
virginia La Gasa. Pride at work is a National LGBT labor organization whcih has recently been accpted by the AFL=CIO for affiliation. The AFL-CIO has their convention in Sept. in Pittsburg and Pride at Work will have a 2 day meeting also. This is history and I have been a part of it. I was at the founding meeting at Stonewall in New York. Union District 37 in New York you gave us the space for the founding meeting and gave financial support. One of the goals was to check out affiliation with the AFL-CIO.
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