RELATIONSHIPS ARCHIVE
Shannon. I was in a long term relationship that was perfect, at first that is until horror came along. I am a very nice person and I had to break things off because I took too much from her. We did evrything together. I like to take my time before having sex with people and I wanted to wait until we got to know each other. She was cool with that until we got alone and started getting physical. She wanted me right then and there. I had to do something so I told her no and we need to go slow. That worked up until she got tired of waiting. After 1 month she was fed up. So one night when I was on my way to her house another girl was coming out. I don't make conclusions I ask what is going on, So when I got in I asked who the girl was She told me it was a friend. I needed to know where she knew her from and how long did she know her. She told me it was her exgirlfriend and they meant off the internet. I was alittle angered because I never heard anything about this girl. I told her i t! trust her and love her but i had to know have you cheated on me with her or anybody. The trust sent her free alright. She told me yes and yes and yes to all. I was again angered by her. I walked out on her and she tried stopping me and explaining. I was still sweet and stupid and forgiven. I told her to promise me nothing like that won't ever happen again. I was in for a nightmare of hell. It happened again of course and I know it was going to. So I let her go because she couldn't respect my wishes.
mandi. I came to London hoping for the gay frindly atmosphere of Cape Town, but have found this place to be anything but!Where are all the gorgeous lesbians to brighten up this grey city?
mamboh. my story might anger some and frustrate others, and give hope to some.. i'm takin my chances..you see i was a young girl of 16.. and from where i come from(singapore) at that time, lesbianism is a joke.. we never thought of girls going out with girls.. it's always hangin out with the guys and flirting and having boyfriends. countless i might add.. then i entered my next phase of life..a new school, bigger than high school, new people and, soon to find out, new experiences.. i joined the woman's rugby team in my school.. and i got to know that lesbianism is closer than i thought.. then curiosity took over me.. what do girls do when they are together? i mean sexually?.. how far can girls go?.. so i decided that the only way to find out was to be with one.. so i started on a ploy, a cruel and selfish one i might add to manipulate a close new found friend into liking and 'teachin' me about sex, the lesbian's way..
i played with her feelings.. i made her like me.. i am not good at looks but i believe god as blessed me with the gift of gap and understanding people.. so she feel for it.. that was when i was 17 and she, 22..
first few months of my journey of exploration, i was deceitful in many ways.. making her think that i liked her.. and she fell for me .. hard i might add.. but sumthing happned.. sumthing beautiful..
i fell as hard.. i started to love as she loved me.. i realised that i was fallin for her when, everytime i see her, i smile and my heart races.. tho we kissed.. i never went to bed with her until 7 mths later because i realised that no matter how deceitful i get, to take sumthing form sumone so precious to them witout feelin the sloghtest for them is jus wrong.. so i fell for her like i neva have.. not with any of my 7 boifriends.. it was a feeling that transcends everything beyond my understanding.. i love her so much.. we are going into our 2nd yr now..
and it's weird how sumthing that started as a game , fortunately turned out to be the love that i neva had.. being 19 now..i do feel that urge to be scandalous and play my games with other girls that i have crushs on or have crushes on me..but everytime i think of that, the very next moment something deep inside me reminds me of the eer growin love i have for her..
its something i thught i could stop, being a game and all.. but it's gone deeper..you'd think that all's well.. but u have to understand, from where i come from, it's close to impossible to liv together.. i love her so much and everyday my heart weeps cause i know one day i have to let go.. because even tho the love is deep.. one must not hurt and shatter the dreams of the people who depend on u like family.. family honour is of highest regard in my society ..
altho i've decided to take it slow, day by day enjoyin her every smile and dancing eyes.. i sometimes think of the uncertain future and tears well in my eyes.. because sacrifices are to be made ...
we both decided that it's better to have love and lost den to lose the love and always wonder what will happen. and i know it'll hurt even more later but i am willin to take the chances even tho how slim..cause thats wat love is.. FAITH..
bless u darling.. always..
Jersey Hernandez. It all started when I was in the first year highscool, I met this lesbian at the corridor & a basketball player & start to smile at me. I don't have any idea having a relationship on the same sex..until I feel that I'm falling with her because of the things she has been showing me & that would be her personality, it really made me different because of the love she gave me until the time that I answer her that I'm ready to be her girl. She was in the Philippines when she's a little & she grew up in California, she was sent in the Philippines by the year 1997,after a year she came back here to continue her studies & now she's in California living with her new girlfriend. This person really trouches my life, sometimes I think that I want to spend my whole life with her but I don't think she love me that much so I have to let it go & move on.Our relationship lasts a one year & 7 months. The second one is that I really don't like her at first & after a month I started seeing her, she's quite jolly person, not that sweet & this character tries to challenge me & afterwards I make her change but then after one year & three months, I decided to broke up with her because I find it difficult on having a long distance reationship. I met this lesbian who has a girlfriend so long, she's a basketball player also & I don't know why I get attracted with her, I let her choose between me & her present girlfriend & eventually, she chose me, we're in a relationship just 1 month, I think & the last one for this time is a basketball player also, we have that same university. We have a practice on the gym because I used to dance & i saw this lesbian sitting on one corner & watching us.. I really find her so cute, that's why I feel attracted withn her so after my break up just for a month, I committed my self to her, I can't sy anything about her because she did everything just to see me happy but I realize that this is not what I need & as I can see, she would not survive without me, we've been girlfriends last year & that was august 29 & I just broke up with her on the 16th of may 2004, because I know that it will be hard not only to her part but to my part also, I don't want to see her suffering.. and now I'm living by myself.. Many things might change but the memories remain & nothing I would regret because having relationship with them make me learened & that was the very essence being a part of them.
Stephanie F. I am 16 year-old in my junior year in high school and I recently came out to my family that I'm gay and at first I thought that my family will not accept me because I have always tried to be the person that they've always wanted me to be. I had to tell them since I started seeing a beautiful black girl at school. Since met me had an attraction towards me but never wanted me to know. She though I would never lay eyes on a girl, the whole time I've been attending school, I have only dated boys. She let out her true feelings at a party at her house that she invited me to resently and ever since that day we've been inseparable. Her mom does not know because if she finds out, she will never let me spend the night at her house. That's the only chance that we have to do everything that we want to do. It's the only time that we have any type of sexual intercourse. My parents support me for who I am and soon as I came out of the closet, at that moment I felt alive. I will! never forget that moment for the rest of my life. Now I can live my life how I've always wanted to live it. I love being who I am and I will never change it for the world.
I LOVE BEING A PROUD LESBIAN!!!!
cupid's bow. My first experience with a woman occurred last year. I'm so in love I hope it lasts forever if not I'm gay for the stay.
cupid's bow.I'm twenty, i know i'm gay and have only alluded to the fact to certain close friends. I'm in college now in a very liberal city, and find myself entirely smitten with a girl in my geology class. She's seventeen and sits across from me...i have never felt such magnetism towards another person. I can feel her looking at me sometimes, i'll glance up, and she quickly looks away (and vice-versa). I've hinted at my sexuality, in hopes that she'd understand and tell me something similar...but the fact is, we're both on the verge and scared. Or she's straight, and i really freak her out. We're thinking the same thing, i'm sure. I wish this were easier..but it's not.
anonymous. I've known that I'm a lesbian my entire life. I'm twenty years old and have never really had the courage to come out. I was an awkward tomboy with a natural affinity for softball (figures..haha) people used to think i was a boy, and when i started developing breasts, they just started thinking i was a lesbian. I was always so afraid that these people who teased me were right, so i have repressed it for all these years. My best friends are queer friendly, if not queer themselves...yet i still can't bring myself to say to them (or anyone) "I'M GAY!"..this is really the first time, and damn, it feels good. Thank you all for contributing your stories, you've given me courage...something i need for what i'm preparing to do.
jessica.
i met her at a store,
i was so shy,
-she was working-
unsure about the feeling that was taking over,
"maby its nothing"
i went home and couldnt stop thinking of her,
it was crazy,
*************************************
i saw her again a fair,
-she didnt know who i was-
we met for real;
it was magical
i loved her fire for life,
her courage overwhelmed me,
unsure feelings were replaced by the love i had for her,
it was if everything in the world just stopped.
we were the only ones still moving.
every time i look at her i see the gurl who has changed me for life,
and helped me to fall in love again,
after fighting and struggling for it,
i found love.
Feet through the post.You will wonder why I have taken this name. The person who I am writing to will understand this and see that this is only for her. I actually don't know which language to write you in, but I think I will take English, so we can share our experiences with other people. I have read some of the stories here and some of them actually could be one of yours. Have you written some of them??? I don't think I can tell you something new which I've never told you as we speak everyday and I have the feeling that you know me completely and that I have told you all the important things from my life.
Although we know each other for only about 1 year, I've told you more than I have to anyone else in my life! Maybe even to myself. I think I have told you and still tell you many things which I didn't want to think about because they are painful or embarassing. I am also very very thankful that you told me all these things from your life and I feel so honored that you told them only to me! But I like the feeling, that I still find out so many other things about you, your childhood.
Where it all started...we have spoken to each other for the first time while being thousands of miles away from each other and in different cultures. There was at first this language problem and we have spoken on the internet. We have become quite good friends and then, after a few months you came here, to our town, so it was our first real meeting live. Here comes one thing, which I have never told you: the night before you arrived, I haven't slept at all and was so nervous, so I got up at about 3.30 am and walked around the streets. It was very unusual for me, as I have never done this before, but I couldn't explain it to myself. I haven't known you before very well and many people visited us before, also those who I didn't know, but until now, it was only one time in my life, when I experienced this feeling. My heart was beating so fast, I trembled all over my body, I was like I had drugs and I was very confused about that as I couldn't explain it to me. When you came, I was very tired, as I haven't slept the whole night. The nearer the time of your arrival, the more nervous I felt. I thought it was very strange, but I had forgotten about that afterwards.
Now, I think that perhaps already then I felt that your coming will change all my life completely. I am so happy about it now!!! I have no idea why there was this charisma between us, I just felt it. At first, we were just interested in each other, which is normal when you meet new people, but, you know...can you remember this moment when we both sat on my bed? I was reading these poems and pronounced them completely wrong and then I asked you if we could read it together. When we were reading, we had to be close to each other, as it was only one book, it was really wonderful! I don't know why I liked this moment, but it was just perfect! I had the feeling that I want to hug you, I felt so comfortable!!! But of course I haven't hugged you, as we didn't know each other very well, and it would be just without any reason. The most important reason though - I was so afraid of being lesbian or bisexual, always when similar fantasies came into my mind, I stopped them, I was so horrified by them, so I said to myself, no, you're not thinking and wanting it, you're not lesbian, you're not allowed to, never! But during this short time you were here, I often felt the need to hug you. When you were out with my sister I felt sad and jealous. I felt as if you're mine. Perhaps it's a little egoistic. I don't know. I wanted to spend every second with you while you were here and when you went back home I felt so sad and lonely! I couldn't stop thinking about you! I had such a great time with you here! You became one of my best friends and after a few months more speaking on the internet I realised that YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND!!! It was so special, everything you told me about you, I recognized that you are the best person and the best friend from this whole big world!!! You are my soulmate, my other half, my universe!!!
It seems like many best friends fall in love with each other:). So did we and recognized a few months ago how much we love each other and what our real feelings are. I visited you 4 months ago and this was probably the time when I noticed that I also have sexual feelings for you. Of course I didn't admit it to myself and kept thinking: No, you're not lesbian, you're neither bisexual! It's only your best friend and you're not allowed to ruin this great friendship with these wrong feelings which come and go. But these feelings were so wonderful! I also felt later, at your house the same as when you were here, just much more intense, of course. We were best friends and to tell you the truth, I was afraid of us being in live not the same, as on the internet, although we have seen each other before. Of course we were even more close than on the internet and I enjoyed it so much. Neither of us told the other about the feelings although we felt the same. I think we were too embarrassed by these feelings and didn't want to test our friendship. It wasn't the time yet, probably. That time I never thought that I would ever speak to you about these fantasies and what I felt and still feel for you. When I was there, I had the same need to hug you all the time, but now I could do that as I had an excuse - you are my best friend! hehe Do you remember when I came in the night down to your mattress, it was probably the best time of my life!!! I felt your warm body beside me and then you touched my head with your head. I have never told you that I was very errected this time and my slip was wet. It happened also a few times when you were in bed. But this one time when we were on the floor, so close to each other as there wasn't enough space for both!!! So wonderful!!! Of course I had an excuse because you were cold and I warmed you up, but I didn't want to go into the bed anymore!!! I wanted to stay there forever!!! Why did you let me go into the bed!!! I was hoping so much that you would say you were still cold and I should stay, but you didn't. I had to go into the bed again and then I wanted you to come, but you didn't. When you did I wouldn't come so close to you of course, as I thought that you don't have the same feelings. I felt wonderful when I warmed up your feet though!!! Also, I have to tell you that I noticed your strong breathing when you laid there quite close to me. I felt it on my face and I was also very errected, but I kept thinking that you don't have any sexual feelings for me. Perhaps it would have been too fast, if we had done something then, also it would be unpossible because of your parents, but now I think, it would have been so beautiful, so unforgetable! But even without anything else, this moment down on the mattress with you, these few minutes feeling your body, your breathing, your warmth, it's all so unforgetable, so wonderful and I see it in my fantasies again and again!!!
The next 4 months will be very hard for us because we can't wait to see each other and to feel our bodies and to do all the other beautiful things. I am so afraid though! So afraid because of my family and all the other people! Already now I have the feeling that they know about us. I don't know if they do, but I hope not. I still can't let go my imagination of the future life with a house, husband and children. I think I really want it, but it's only what I'm supposed to be, and what will mean respect towards me and mean that I have achieved something. Now I want only you for all of my life. I would really love to be together with you for all of my life. It's even difficult if we came out and let everyone know about us because of the distance, but I don't think we will ever be strong enough and come out. Is there a solution? Can we live in the same town later? I hope it so much! I want this beautiful love to stay forever!!! I really don't want anyone else, but you!!! We will have a wonderful time together in summer!!! I hope that I will be able to take my hands off you when people are there!!! OHHHHHH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!! You are so great!!! I am so happy that I have found you!!!! What would we be without the internet!!! Thank God that we have it and that we can do all these things like kisses and hugs on here!!!! We would never be what we are now without it!!! God, thank you for everything and that you sent me my soulmate!!! It's a very beautiful thing to have the best friend and the lover in one person!!! We are only 18 and 17 now, so I hope that everything will work out well for us and we will find the right way!!!! Thank you for everything my love!!!!!!!! I can't wait!!!!!!!!
from 'straight' to 'crooked'. ok.. here goes.. well i am 17 and frm singapore ait.. and all my life i've only been interested in guys..and lesbianism was totalli outa the way...cos of the stereotyped society i am in, it was not given room.. i always thought it was normal to think as a guy cos i was pretty tomboy wen i was young.. part of growing up i thought.. how wrong i was?..i met her when i joined my new school..she was 22 yr old..we hanged out.. we had fun.. then i started having crazy thoughts about her.. wondering how'd it be if we were together.. then i always thought it as stupid, after all i had 7 boyfriends in my life and lesbian talk was usually a joke..but everytime i think of her or see her.. my heart raced..and it still does..i mean i still cannot accept the fact of me being a lesbian.. i guess i am a bisexual.. but i realized that i truly do love her..i mean it's crazy and all but i have never felt this way about anyone.. sometimes i ask myself 'what the hell are you doing to your life?!'.. cause i come from a really orthodox family and my parents will kill me if they ever found out... and in a country like singapore..one day it's got to end.. so i am soo worried about the end..or the fact that will i ever.. and since i am bi and had guys all my life, i fear one day i will fall in love with a guy then what do i do?.. like now my ex boyfriend is comin back and he was the guy i took 1 yr to get over.. but i love my girl friend like always..ours is beyond just sex, ours is all about connection.. the love we share is not all mushy mushy.. it's like there and we both know it..oh an the best part is since we were friends before, and i used to tell her about my ex boyfriends and how i was straight.. she did not tell me her feelings about me cos she thought i'd laugh it off.. but i still can remember when that night she walked me home.. that was when i realised i was fallin in love with a gerl, this wonderful person.. and so did she.. that night she told me.. and i have never been happier..though sometimes it bothers me about being a lesb and gettin into something soo deep but with an obvious end..but i have never regretted being with her.. she is just this nice person..funny part is my family knows her cause they know i hang out with her but the idea of their daughter being a lesb did not even cross their mind.. i just want to share my experiance with all those who have been straight all their lives and just realised that they like a gerl.. and also with the lesb from a very conservative society like mine... it's simple and true what wise man said.. it's better to love and lost than to never love at all.. and every good things come with risk and pain..thanx
nycole. i was with my last girl friend for two wonderful years. we were a story book love. Our mothers had been good friends since we were about 9. She had been my best friend and the object of my desire since I was 10(she was my first kiss),in high school she moved away and after awhile we lost contact. Having come home after my first year of college i was happily surprised to find out that not only had she moved back into town but she was also a lesbian! Go me! We had our ups and downs but we were committed to each other, we were everything to each other, we were the couple that was so perfectly in love they make everyone sick. On valentines day she asked me to marry her. It scared me i freaked and didn't answer. It was the biggest mistake of my life so far. One night not long after that she told me she wasn't in love with me any more. I thought I would die, but i didn't. I still love her and will always love her. She was my very first all those years ago and I want her to be my last. I can tell by the way she looks at me and acts with me that she still loves me but I'm dieing inside waiting for her to see it. I don't know how long i can hold on or even if i should. I love you Zepeda always and forever no matter where we are or what we're doing.
Megan. My girlfriend and I broke up last year. A few months later we ended up at a stage where we were together but not together. It was my fault. She was the first girl I had ever had interest in. I was not comfortable enough with my sexuality to give her what she deserved. I spent a long time coming to terms with who I was all along. I realized it has been and will always be her. But I have a problem. She has started to see someone else. I want only for her to be happy, but I have every confidence in the world that I can make her happier than anyone else ever could. No one can cherish this woman as I do. I feel like I cannot breathe without her. I never knew true love until she came into my life. I would spend the rest of my life apologizing for not being ready when I had the chance. I would do anything she asked just for the opportunity to show her what she means to me. She is everything to me. She opened my eyes to life. I had not truely felt passion before her. I knew the second I saw her sitting on the edge of that table in front of the gym, that I loved her. I knew right then. I will regret for the rest of my life that I needed time to understand who I really was. I was scared...and I am so sorry. I wish she could understand that it had nothing to do with my love for her, that never changed. I just did not have the confidence to be true to the person I am. I have never loved her less than with all my heart. With every breath that I take, I adore her. I love her so much it fills my every thought. My dreams consist of images of her face and gorgeous body. I miss her touch, her lips, and the way we made the most unbelievable love that could ever be made. She has taken me to places I never thought possible. She is what I never knew I needed so badly. She is my soul. I want nothing more than to spend every day for the rest of my life with her. She is my sweet Katie girl and I will love her for all eternity.
Edna Royston and Ruth Parker. Photographs sent by Jean Bleich.
anonymous.Two women in love or friends are wonderful, sometimes a friendship is better then a bed mate.
anonymous.I ONLY WISH I COULD FIND A NORMAL WOMAN THAT DOESN'T KEEP CHANGING HER MIND ABOUT BEING A LESBIAN!!! ALL I WANT IS S/ONE LOVING,CARING,FUNNY,AND TRUSTWORTHY--- I BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT-
anonymous.I wanted her before she was ready. She had just gotten out of a relationship that broke her. She wasn't willing to trust anyone. I told her that I would wait for her. And I did. I waited for 2 months before she finally told me that she wanted me too. We started dating on Christmas day. Being Jewish, I never had a reason to celebrate Christmas -- but now I will celebrate it most festively! We have been together nearly four months. For many people, this seems like nothing, but to me -- it's so long in coming that it feels like forever. Due to some problems, she had to move in with me and we are planning on getting a new place, just ours. Waking up with my arms around her ensure that my day will start off well. Going to bed curled around her gives me the most peaceful, beautiful dreams. She truly is my reason for breathing.
anonymous. well my first real relationship with a girl was when i was 15, and she was 14. and we went for a year and a half and we did lots of stuff that i had never done before. but then again, neither had she...;) it was a very meaningful relationship in which we really loved each other, but perhaps we couldnt really get along cos we had this major character clash. shes really hot-tempered, so am i. so whenever we quarrelled, it was me who gave in and she was quite bitchy at times..(but then again, i hope she doesnt say the same abt me!) after we broke up, i was hibernatin for a while and abt 6 months later, i went with another girl...shes even nicer than my first and shes really understandin but i guess i was kinda like a jerk cos i liked someone else and our relationship came to an end after 6 months. now im still hibernatin and waitin for the RIGHT person to come along. im totally infatuated with this girl that i met recently while playin in a tournament. she doesnt even know i! exist but i think shes really appealin and breathtaking...*drool* well im not sure whats your purpose of askin people to write abt their relationships, but i think its a good thing and i feel better that ive told u these, though what ive mentioned is an extremely short summary. and i definitely would like to hear from u, whoever u are...thanx for readin this seemingly uninterestin account of my love life so far...by the way, im a butch from singapore. then again, ive kinda "soften" and stopped being a butch, so now ive no label and im just kinda floatin around, findin the RIGHT person as ive said..so thanx for your time...;)Maggie and Grandma
by Sargina Adams
Mary Ellen was about 7 years old and the year was 1913. She was with her mother and father and siblings in a covered wagon heading west from Kentucky. By day, the wagon teams traveled and only stopped to rest the animals and to eat quick meals. At night, the wagons would pull up for the night and a campfire was built. The adults would talk about the day and plan for the following day. The kids would play, staying near the adults. quilts were there beds and they would fall asleep listening to the grown-ups talk.There were many wagons headed west at that time, filled with homesteaders heading for free land. Their heads were filled with dreams of the new life awaiting them and the old one that they had left, along with family members that they may never see again. Along these wagon trails they would meet other families headed west for the same reasons, to homestead. Often they would camp at night with these other families, gathered around the campfire talking.
One night they found a river to camp beside in Tennessee. After long baths and dinner, the families were tired and settled down for the night. Mary Ellen noticed a little girl about her age sitting over in the bushes. She had dark hair and eyes and was dirty. The two girls sat there staring at each other for awhile, Mary Ellen with the impression that the little girl looked "mean". The little Indian girl look at Mary Ellen and thought that she looked like "an angel with blue eyes". She didn't notice any family around, or anyone in the wagon train that she had been traveling with. She went to her mother and told her about the little girl. Her mother looked and saw her and told Mary Ellen that the little girl was and Indian girl and was probably hungry and maybe lost. She told Mary Ellen to take her some food. Mary Ellen was afraid of the little girl and walked slowly toward her with the warm bread and butter. The little girl didn't move. When Mary Ellen got closer, she noticed that the little Indian girl was shivering and looked more scared than "mean". The Indian girl took the food and ate it very fast, never taking her eyes off Mary Ellen. Mary Ellen went back to the campfire to her quilt and fell asleep looking at the little Indian girl.
The following morning, the camp was busy getting ready to travel on and Mary Ellen noticed the little girl still in the bushes, and mentioned this to her mother. Her mother made inquiries around the camp and after some talk, it was decided that the little girl had been separated from her family who must have been traveling also. Mary Ellen's mother and father decided that they would take the little girl to the next town or settlement and surely they would locate her family. Her mother washed the little girls face and fed her and put her in the wagon with the other children. Along the way, at the settlements, camps and villages, they tried to locate the little girls family but were unsuccessful, so they decided to keep her with them. Mary Ellen's mother liked the little girl and felt sorry for her, and called her by the name of "Maggie".
When the family reached Arkansas, they stopped and homesteaded some land near relatives. It was all pine forests and trails had to be cut, trees cut for a cabin and Maggie and Mary Ellen became fast friends. Maggie was learning to speak English from the family. A few years went by and Mary Ellen would bring things home from school and teach Maggie. At that time, Indians weren't allowed to attend the school that was built for the towns white children. Maggie worked and helped with all the chores and the animals and the garden, and would be at the end of the trail everyday waiting and watching for Mary Ellen to come home from school.
On Sunday's, the family would load up in the wagon for the five mile ride to Church, where Maggie was allowed to attend. No one said much to Mary Ellen's mother about Maggie, because she had a sharp tongue and would promptly put them in their place. The years went by and both girls became teenagers, met young men in Church and married at about age 14. Mary Ellen and Maggie lived across the road from each other and still worked the gardens and tended to the animals together. Maggie's husband left to go to find work somewhere else and didn't come back. Mary Ellen got pregnant with her first child and Maggie delivered the baby girl - who Mary Ellen named "Maggie". Her next pregnancy produced a set of twin girls, with Maggie up all night with Mary Ellen, and they were named Pauline and Pearlene. Mary Ellen was pregnant with her last child when her husband left to go to California to work in the ship yards. Another girl was born and Maggie and Mary Ellen named her Margery.
Maggie built a grist mill and people came to her to get their meal ground. She also added on to Mary Ellen's house (which they both were living in ) and took care of Mary Ellen and the girls. Mary Ellen sewed and made Maggie shirts and coveralls that she liked to wear. Maggie did all the "mens" work and Mary Ellen did all the "womens" work. The people in the area never said anything out loud about these two women or to their face, but it was just "known" that they were much more than just friends.
As time went by the girls grew up and married and moved away to begin their own families. Maggie and Mary Ellen stayed in their house and lived a good life. . During the years that they were together, I spent time with them, watching them laugh and work, watching as Maggie killed a bear and made a rug. Watched as they took walks in the woods, listened as they told stories about how they met and what their lives had been like. Maggie never found her Indian family, but she said she found Mary Ellen who gave her more family than she could handle at times. Maggie was butch, tall and strong and broad across the shoulders, while Mary Ellen was slender and much shorter and wore only dresses...Maggie used to buy her dresses in town and bring them back to her. If Mary Ellen mentioned something that she would like to have, Maggie made sure she got it. When it became known that I was lesbian, they felt like they were at "fault", but never gave me too hard a time about it. They had spent almost 76 years together when Mary Ellen passed away in 1998. Maggie placed fresh flowers on her grave everyday, until she herself passed away in 1999. Mary Ellen was my grandma and Maggie ...well....she was "My Maggie". Because of them, I know that true love can last a lifetime.
A poem written when my lover asked me why I was being "so strong" in the light of her Cancer diagnosis...THE CIRCLE OF FEAR
The circle of fear
Is as wide as you make it
Do you hold it near
Or do you smile & cope & fake it.Or let it go as you drop
Your black fantasy frights
Into a pool of deep concern
And wake-ful angst-filled nightsThe circle of fear
Can extend it's ripples out
Into a spiral of panic and loss
A fear-filled anxious shoutThat leaves you small & alone
A support that's poor and weak
Or you can contain your indulgence
And think "strength" before you speakThe circle of fear
Is as wide & deep as you allow
So hold rein on the bleakness
And focus on the here and nowWe have a love & power
Which grows within each kiss
WE shape and control OUR future
And we will overcome this.
anonymous. I've read several poems in these archives...i'd like to add one myself. My GREAT LOVE lives in another country. I want to be with her so badly. We have never met...we met on the internet. But nonetheless (and to hell with other people's perspective that love found that way cannot be real)we are madly in love. I know her. And she is beautiful. And this is how I feel without her:Like a vessel
waiting to be
filled
They are wanting
aching from the
chill
Desperation
desiring all your
charms
Reaching forward
finding only
empty arms
anonymous. I was going out with my girlfriend for over 1 1/2 years. She entered University about 2 months ago. yesterday she suddenly said she wanted to be free and that she wants to break up. I just don't understand her... She said that she loved me and that she'd never change, but ever since she entered Uni she started to change. I never expected this.
anonymous. i found much of the writing here very emotional... i am crying... my girlfriend does not want me to move to massachussetts, but our 4 year r-ship has been so intense... she left me to walk home last night from a restaurant and didn't look back... i guess i gave her permission to do that the time before last... heels and a dark highway not well traveled i found not amusing...4 years... i know she is angry, but with the distance we cannot hurt one another physically and emotionally... hard to tell who is who intellectually these days and that is frightening- love should be a total acceptance of one another not brainwashing... she has left me alone without transportation as well.. sold my car, the control issues have stretched beyond measure... despite everything we have endured, the thought of letting go makes the computer screen blurry.... thank you for taking the time to read my experience(s)... i am sad and scared and angry and frustrated and still in shock that she will! not see me off...
anonymous. A friend came over one summer to stay for the night, since she was traveling and all. When I was bathing, this friend came in, pulled back the shower curtain and reached for my crotch. She was naked and she climbed into the tub with me. Without saying anything, she leaned forward between my legs and sucked my pussy. I couldn't say anything for shock, and it felt so good and reminded me of the past times. I then had a great big fucking orgasm. The woman slurped it all up and then kised me on the lips, first softly and then harder. While she was doing this, She studk her fingers into my pussy and gave me such a fucking, I had another orgasm. She pulled me onto the bathroom floor and did so many unspeakable things
anonymous. I had been seeing a women 6 years my senior and she became highly attached she was extreamly good at her sexual ways and I loved spending time with her. Then one day i found out she was married and 2 months expecting I ended the relationship (sadly) and I have never seen or heard from her since.
anonymous. Being with women has been the most beautiful but also the painful thing I have ever endured.
anonymous. Same girl, 2 years. On and off, off and on. Can't change the fuck-ups and the times when we cried. But it is always worth it when I realize how much love we share. And all the shit that families and society deals us, it's all made worth it by one night with her.
anonymous. i met D. 2 years ago and we dated for a year until I broke up with her. I realize now this was the biggest mistake of my life. For months afterwards she begged me back but for some dumb reason I said no. Then something happened to where I realized that maybe i was just scared. Scared of everything scared of love. But by this time it was already too late. She's also my best friend maybe things should have stayed that way. Maybe the lines of friendship should have never been crossed. I'd do it again if given the chance though. She's moved on with her life and I wish I could do the same. But everytime i sit down I think about her and everything we ever shared. I guess what Im trying to say is, dont be stupid, dont be scared, love doesnt come easily and when you finally find it dont let it go. hold on for dear life. dont make the same mistakes that i did.
anonymous. We met November 26, 1999, and I feel as thoughI was born knowing her. Our story is one of a fairytale, each time it is told is gets better and better. The love we share is so tremendous. We have discussed things that would blow peoples' minds. I have told her, "I have never wanted a child, but now that I have found my soulmate, bestfriend, lover, confidant, my missing piece of the puzzle, that's all I want. To give you something no else can, a piece of you and me, a child". And she said, "I would have a sex change if they could make so that I have sperm, so we could make a child". Jennifer, you are my one and only, God truly placed you here for me and me for you, maybe one day ALL our dreams will become a reality! Te Amo Siempre
anonymous.my ex girlfriend"marissa".... well she wasn't my ex at the time, we were going out and we were having a good time at our relationship I gave her all the love I could give her...but then I had another friend"Bri" who she had a crush on but of coarse"Bri" ahd a girlfriend of her own "Rockelle" I never really knew her very well ... anyway Marissa told me that she had a small "crush" on her and that it wasn't a big deal..so I believed her..but when "bri" dumped Rockelle,Marissa went behind my back and asked out Bri(of coarse bri told me ), but Bri said she doesn't go out with her best friends.But I acted like I didn't hear anything...but that just made it worse.Then all of a sudden she just dumped me...and so we called it quits....then a few months later I got to know Rockelle a lot better and I found out that she was a very nice, intellegent, beautiful person in the inside and she asked if we could go out to dinner together just the two of us...so of coarse my natural instinct is to say yes but then all of a sudden marissa comes out of nowhere and says she wants me back...and I still love marissa...but I'm gettting to like Rockelle too .
anonymous.I'm not going to say much because i'm not very opinated.But i will say this.For whom much is given,much is required.For it is with much hope and love that we venture on not wanting to fall behind on stray to far ahead.Let's stay true to our beliefs and our thought's.
anonymous. I am really in a problematic situation. Married with 2 wonderful kids I got in love with my best friend. I deal with it about 2 years. A few months ago, I told her that I feel like having sex with her without telling her all the deep feelings, love and passion I feel to her. I decided to break the friendship but she wants to overcome and to continue our huge, great friendship. It is very very hard for me. I suffer on one hand but on the other hand I love her so much and I cannot stop thinking about her. She call me as like she cannot imagine the complexed situation in spite of the fact that I told her I need a "time out". HOW MUCH PAIN AND SUFFER THIS LOVE MAKES TO ME !!!
anonymous. we just celebrated our six month anniversary together. it doesn't seem long enough to know this, but i want to spend my life with her (second-date lesbian u-haul jokes aside). my home is in her arms.
anonymous. I'm sitting here full of thought. I'm actually here missing my ex-girlfriend and i need to get it out some way. My love for 4 yrs. Actually my first love my first kiss. I can't explain how much i'm missing here right now. It all started when i was 16 about 4 in a half years ago. I saw the most amazing person. I swear the first time i saw her i knew i was in love. I still to this day remember what she was wearing. What she was doing where she was standing. The look on her face. After that day i couldn't keep that face out of my head. That beautiful image of a person. It was months before i knew her name. I was so determined to find out. I was so determined to find out something about her.
I saw her once and months after that i still thought about her. I got lucky i actually knew someone who knew about her. And that's were it all started. I finally knew her name it was the most beautiful name i ever heard. "Joy" I sit here and that name still makes me smile. I remember the night she called me. I was so scared and nervous. I was just a little kid 15 she was 20. I still think about our first kiss the first time we held hands.I miss her so much. It's been a month since we stopped talking. No matter what i do i can't seem to get her out of my mind. We actually haven't been together for almost a year. But we always seem to get back together. We sometimes don't talk for months but we always seem to talk again. Share those special moments once agian. Moments i can't seem to get out of my head. I remember how we use to talk on the phone till the next day i had to get up and go to school. I use to miss sleeping next to her so we would sleep with each other on the other end. I would wake up in the middle of the night and hear her breathing. Soothing to my ears. I use to hold her so tight scared if i let go might lose her. We just fit so well when we would sleep my arms were magnets to her. I would kiss her face. There were so many nights i couldn't even sleep. I just wanted to lay there and feel her next to me all night watch her sleep. Not wanting to miss one moment. Her smell she use to leave me and her scent still lingerd in my nose for hours. All these memories in my head
one day i think i'm over it. I don't want to be with any one. She is my other half. She is a part of me. With out her i feel like the biggest part of me is gone. I feel empty. She just completes me. I could be with her forever i would of married her if i would of had the chance. I wanted to have her children. Why do i have to feel this way. Why did i have to go through so much and it ended any way i don't understand. All i want to do is love her. Why can't it be easy. It seems so easy for her. Why do i want to keep loving her. I've been with other people but no one has ever made me feel the way she did. There hasn't been anyone that can keep the thoughts of her out of my head. Since the beginnig all i wanted was to just have her to myself. I never understand why i couldn't. I would of gave up anything for her. I did at one point. All i ever wanted was for her to be happy. All i wanted is to always there for her. I tried my hardest to be there for her. I did i was.
I wonder if she ever appreciated me. If she really ever did love me. Or did she just keep me around because she needed attention the love and affection. I remember how i loved kissing her face. Every morning i would wake her up with my kissses. Kiss her eye lids her cheeks. Her cute little nose. Feeling her warm body next to me. That's all i ever wanted.
Why does love have to end. I close my eyes i see her face. Sweet thoughts loving memories that's all i think of. When i think of joy i think of beauty. Facinating beauty. So breathtaking i will never have the words to express what the thought of her means to me. All the struggles, pain, frustrations, heartache all the those moments i would still go back and do it all over agian. That was the best experience of my life she was the best experience i ever had. I wouldn't take it back for anything in the world. Joy where ever you are i'm never going to forget you. Your always going to have a place in my heart. I'm going to love you forever. I love you joy.
anonymous. When you're a smoker and your girlfriend is one, too, you will find it annoying to walk down to the corner store to buy a pack of Marlboro Lights Menthols and a pack of Benson Hedges Deluxe Ultra Lights Menthols. God forbid she asks you to remember to pick up an order of turkey on rye lightly toasted ("not burnt!"), thinly sliced provolone with a scrape of mayo ("not too much! she screams. "Idon't need all that fucking fat!") from the deli on the way back. You will begin to compromise with her. But, then you remember your girlfriend doesn't like to discuss things the way you do and that she was born under the astrological sign of "my way or the highway!" So, you decide then and there on your own to give up your brand of cigarettes.
After several trips to the store, the hairy old geezer behind the counter already has your two boxes of smokes waiting on the counter. You find this quite disturbing but relieved not having to utter a word and you just put the money on the counter.
"This is only enough for one." he notices.
"I know," you say. "I'm switching to the Benson ones."
You've just thrown the cromagnon for aloop which will now take him a few weeks to remember which brand is yours. Then, for the hell of it, you will wait for the day the greasy animal remembers which cigarettes you want and you will tell him that you just quit smoking because your girlfriemd left you noticing after all this time that your apartment smelled like an ashtray. She also mentioned that your decaying car was an ashtray on wheels and your once too trendy clothes, your dreaded locks all smelled like smoke. After she left, you noticed she had your favorite denim shirt and the bath oils from the Bodhi Tree.
But until that day comes, you continue to smoke your girlfriend's cigarettes and quickly get used to the flavor mostly because she thinks the gesture is a step forward into the relationship and thinks it's cute to see you smoke her brand. Unfortunately, you will realize much too late that she was really a selfish bitch and you an adaptable wuss.
anonymous.I had my picture taken when I was a sophomore in high school. I had had a baby the summer before. The pictures were taken in the library and, there she was. I had noticed her before, and knew myself to be a lesbian for a few years; even had accepted it. But life dealt me another vocation, and those were just dreams. She was my library science teacher in high school. I knew I didn't like her then. I was intrigued, but nothing else.
I remember seeing her once, when I was out of school and she was walking into the school, having been downtown during school hours. She had long hair, and was slim. I thought she was sexy, as the guys in the store did also. Years passed, she as a neighbor, a friend of sorts, and I became friends with her sister. My daughter was near in age to two of her girls. It is plain to see, this woman was a lesbian, but she didn't know it.
Years later, when I was a grandmother and I had walked up by her house, still not too keen on her as a friend enough to tell about myself, but enough to want to visit. I walked inside,and this time, things were different. There was a look between us that passed like electricity, to put it mildly. She had changed. Had it been the St. John's Wort she said she was taking? I don't know. The phone rang and she asked me to come into her den. I had been in there before, watching tv with her, conversing, and also sharing with other family members. She is a cat lover and there were always lots of cats in the house. That day, in that room, the sexual tension was so great. I have never been the same. I had dreamed of her and her family for years, not knowing why. I'd wake up, thinking, "Why would I dream of them?" I feel there is something there, but she would never say so. I was so totally in love with her, and my behavior, almost stalk-like. She no longer has the beauty that she had, but neither do I. I can only hope that life can deal me enough things to keep me from thinking of her. But still, occasionally I dream of her, of her family. I told her about who I am. And I said I was interested in her. She said, "I'm flattered," but then things started to change. She would drop hints, or little things that would make me think she was interested. I'd back up and this would happen, over and over again. Now, we don't talk. The last time I saw her, she was going out to check her mail and I was walking by. She didn't look my way. By the way, she was never married, but her sister says she was a very passionate woman, and had had lots of boyfriends and men friends. Who knows. I won't. If I do, I'll let you know. All I know is when I think of her, I think of the stars,,,pondering what lies beyond, or in between.
anonymous. I want to feast upon your body, taste the rhythm of your soul, I want to love away the lonliness, until we both feel whole. i want to hide behind your eyes, and see your heart's desire, I want to wrap my arms around you, and sear you with my fire.
From Lincolnshire, England.
Dear virgin suicide,
Walks with her vampyre pride, How lucky do you belive you are, Does beauty shine from afar? Stealing dead roeses as they weep, Your memory haunts me through my sleep, My darling,has it come to be, you've put yourself inside of me? And as i slumber,you hover over me like a heavy mist, Do you wait to steal beauty with a single kiss? Oh tear me limb from limb my true and feast upon thy blood, For i have succome to your powers,and let you have my love!
" For Kati "
Sometimes I feel the world crashing down around me And find myself wondering in the dark Hear the sounds of thundering rolling in Sadness tearing at my heart But...
There is one thing That can make it all go away As fast as it came to start...
~like when she smiles at me And I can feel my heart beating faster She laughs her sweet laugh and the world just falls into place To feel the magic of her touch See the beauty of her face ...one touch...one kiss...one moment
.............with her..................
And my life becomes so right" Kati, I still love you! " ~Destiny
"Magnets" by M. L. BridgesYou tread on me with tender ease; break my heart with light but painful geisha feet.
You shake my glance staight on into your glance, afraid to look or look away.
You know my every made up move; I think too much on what I should or should not do.
Magnets, juxtaposed, north on north, remain apart,still cause a tension.
anonymous.don't wait for the rug to be pulled from under your feet - learn to dance on a shifting carpet
anonymous. hello, I have been having trouble dealing with looding my girlfriend of 7 years, Im greiving in my own way but I can't seem to get her out of my head, she didn't die thank god but she won't talk to me and for 7 years she was a big part in my life I feel as thought hshe is my soul mate, but I can't have her right now, I feel I have lost alot this year, My best friend died about a month ago and he used to talk to me about her everyday and now I have all this anger built up inside of me and I don't know how to make it go away, I have been broke up from her for 15 months and I have tried to have a relationship with another women, but my feelings for my ex is destroying me and my relationship we have only been together for 8 months but I don't want to have to live without her but i still have feelings for my ex
anonymous. I swear I feel complete when she is near. When she laughs and touches me softly. Her breath is bitter Ü sweet, I can taste her soul when we kiss. She plays around with my long brown curls, And I with her soft black locks. There are candles burning all around us. I pour cool wine into simple clear glasses, We drink and we talk and we smile. I take another sip from the perfect tasting wine, Then put my glass on a near wooden table. She watches me the whole time with a certain spark in her eyes As if she knows something I donÍt. She then immitates my moves and puts her glass down as well. We then watch each other for a moment, We stare into each otherÍs eyes very deeply. I then get closer to her and she steps towards me, She leans over and then stops. Our mouths are an inch away. She looks into my eyes and then down at my lips. ñWhat are you thinking?î I whisper. She smiles and replies, ñWhat do you want me to think?î We laugh for a moment, but then everything gets intense again. She takes her hand and strokes my cheek. Then runs it down my neck and onto my shoulder and arm. Passion is everywhere - Inside us, between us and all around us. I lean forward and kiss her Ü I want her so much. She kisses me back lustfully Ü She feels the same as I. Our tongues touch and stroke as if dancing a sweet dance. I then take my hands and run them down her back As her hands rest assure on my hips. We kiss, and we touch, and we feel. I unzip her shirt slowly but surely, As she pulls away from my lips and reaches down my neck. As I start taking her top off, she pulls away and stops me. She then turns around and walks away from me - towards the bedroom. She blows out every candle that is in her way. Then turns towards me and smiles - A mischievous and most marvelous smile. She signals me to follow her, and I do. She stops by the door and lets me in, Then follows me inside and shuts the door behind her. I swear I feel complete when she is near.
Sarah.How our worlds melt together still leaves me dizzy. Me, an African-American Army officer. She, a Korean office assistant working in the same building as I. We became friends. Yongha invited me to Seoul to her home. The first night I woke up to feel her snuggled against me, her legs tightly entwined with mine. The soft feel of her skin felt like silk..except warm. I just laid there, not knowing how to handle the situation..or the feelings. Ultimately I just savored our closeness. The next night was a repeat. Again, nothing happened. I was at odds with myself, my career, my perceived prejudices against this kind of relationship. In April she invited me to Seoul. That first night as it was raining I hugged her. She hugged back. I kissed her. She kissed back. Since that weekend, we spent many, many moments together. In the rest room at work, in my billet, at her apartment. We took trips together, her being my guide as well as lover. Unfortunately I had to return to Texas. We are still in contact and hopefully she will be able to come for a visit. I am in the army so I keep myself in the closet. Since Yongha is my true love, I have found I am attracted to Asian partners. Luckily for me, here on the Army post, there is no shortage of Asian (particularly Korean) partners. I have had some successes but none can replace my Yongha.
anonymous.I am currently dating a wonderful man but I am enamored with my best female friend. she flirts with me and eggs me on but is extremely reserved about sex. (virgin) I want to kiss her but am scared by her comment, "if a girl were to kiss me I'd be like Ill you're a girl." We are going to college together so we'll see what happens.
anonymous.I am 18 years old i have been a lesbian for four years now and my relationships come and go. I never knew what love is until i have lost it. I met this great girl and i have poured my feelings to her, and all she could say is thats sweet. right now i am looking for someone who will share the same feelings with and is not too embarassed to express how they feel. I know one day, one day that girl will float down from heaven.
anonymous. I love her... with my heart, soul, and very BEING. When I am with her, I feel beautiful inside and out, like a shining star high in the sky. And I know she loves me, too. She adores me like I adore her, but has a different way of showing it, which I accept. She cherishes everything about me, from my toes to my brain. Autumn, I love you more than anything or anyONE else in all of creation. Please tell me when I can be your only one, my love.
Broken Heart.I first met Her when I was 17, she 15, in 1978. I knew when I saw Her that I would never get over this passion that I felt. Few years later, we were living together, me involved with Her and another woman. We had a wild time together in the old punk/new wave scene, and I can still picture Her with the crazy sunglasses, driving that big old '63 Ford Galaxie. Anyway, it fell apart because of lots of things, and I've never gotten over it. None of my long term Girlfriends can compare, not even my current 8 1/2 year relationship. I still dream of Her, so beautiful, and she doesn't want to be with me.
anonymous.I'M IN COLLEGE AND ME AND MY ROOMMATE IS GAY EXCEPT IM BISEXUAL AND THAT MAY BE A PROBLEM I THINK SHE FELLS AS IF I CANT RELATE TO HER IN SOMEWAYS BECAUSE I LIKE MEN TO BUT THIS IS THE PROBLEM I'M STARTING TO LIKE HER AND I WANT TO TELL HER BUT I DONT KNOW HOW WOULD I APPROACH HER SINCE SHE FEELS THIS WAY ABOUT THE WAY I AM.
Lynd Smith. I never thought of myself as gay. I have been with a few girls in my short life (22 years so far) but always had boyfriends.On November 11th 1999 I was bored one evening. My flatmate Lee had gone out with his boyfriend and I decided to surf the web. Don't know how, but I ended up at gay.com in the Bisexual Women's Chatroom. There was nothing much happening and I let my alter ego run wild. I always sign on as BritKitten; Kitten is a nickname I have had for years and it suits my personality. So here's me at gay.com: <------kitten mewling for milk and catnip *kitten leaps through the air and slides down aaargh!s curtains leaving great big claw marks
After an hour or so of larking about, I received a private message from a signer called DrewGirl. My heart leapt - my ex girlfriend the witch Dixon had had a thing about Drew Barrymore and I had been introduced to Drew's life through Laura. So I asked DrewGirl if she really was Drew Barrymore. It was no surprise when she said no. But having had little fun communication all night I started to chat with DrewGirl. We had a really good laugh! It seemed we were on the same wavelength and uncannily were only born a few days apart. After a good three hours of chatting, we parted company and promised to meet the next night at gay.com.
Lee was just about to move out of our flat and into a new apartment with his boyfriend. I had precious time left on the internet before he would take his computer away. The next night I stayed awake and met up with DrewGirl. Again we had some great conversation and cybersex for the first time, which was great! I'd only ever experienced this once before. We exchanged e-mail addresses and promised to keep in touch.
I e-mailed Drew the next day, and she replied. For the next week we e-mailed each other daily, beginning to find out a little more about each other. Lee's PC had gone but I joined the local cyber cafe and popped in once in the morning and once in the evening to check and write mail. I told her about my school and my life, and that I was really called Lynd - not Kitten! Drew turned out to be Melisa, or Missy and she lived in Arizona. We had some kind of strange connection between us from the start, similar interests, similar lives and similar senses of humour.
That weekend I persuaded Lee to let me go online and Missy and I met up once more. After many hours of chatting in cyberspace, she asked if she could call me. Of course! I replied. She asked me when. I suggested now. Now? There was a moment's silence as we realised the implication. After ten days of fooling around pretending to be our alter ego's we now had to be ourselves and talk.
She called. I picked up. We spent four hours on the phone, nervous as hell, giggling and repeating over and over 'I can't BELIEVE I'm talking to you!'. Great fun. The next week we continued to keep in touch via e-mail, and shared many thoughts and feelings. We were getting closer all of the time and the bond between us was growing.
Well, sooner or later we were calling each other two, three times a week. Boy, you should have seen my phone bill! But money had ceased to matter. The only thing that mattered was that we kept our close relationship building.
Well now it's Januray 2000 and I can honestly say I have met the love of my life. We have exchanged photographs, letters and gifts through the post. We send each other tapes of our favourite music and dictaphone tapes of our conversation. I keep a journal which is only for Missy to read. We spend ten or more hours a week on the phone as well as e-mailing daily. Melisa is in my heart, my thoughts and feelings all of the time and in March 2000 I will spend Easter in Arizona with her. We are best friends and lovers - phone sex is a regular feature and I long for the day when I can hold her, touch her skin, stick my tongue deep between her lips for real.
Other people have been cynical - 'how can you love someone you've never met?'. Oh, but we have met. Our souls recognised one another straight away. I call Missy if something's wrong; she has called me on several occasions and I've listened. There is not one thing about Missy I would change or correct. She is perfect and I love her unconditionally and for ever.
But the best thing is that these feelings are mutual! Sometimes it seems our love couldn't possibly grow any more huge but it does, daily. Oh, and I even checked our biorhytmical compatibilities out... 98%!!! But then we were born only two days apart.
I do believe in soulmates and I do believe in true romance, and this is proof. If there is only one person for you out there in the world, who says they have to be from your home town, your suburb, even your country? That night, November 11th, Fate brought us together. We are destined to be with one another and when I finish my education in June 2001 I am moving straight over to be with her.
The poems, stories, words we have exchanged - none of them can fully do justice to our love, although they have a damn good try! And in case she ever reads this...
Missy, girl, you are the one and only, the love of my life. (Who happens to be extremely beautiful and foxy too!)
Kisses and big big love, your eternal kitten xxxxx:) Lynd
anonymous. I would like to share something that I wrote shortly after I first realised that my love for my best friend whent beyond friendship. Keep in mind I was 13 when I wrote this.Jenny was saverly depressed and attempted suicide several times.I don't know how I'll tomarow all that I know is how I feel now I love her I know that I love her I love her I love her I love her Why? why is she so tormented her torment is my torment Why? why God why? Oh I love her I scream out I try to reach her to find her to bring her back Oh do I love her her eyes her renching tormented eyes They suck you in wirl you around and spit you back out They torment you branded in your mind the the farmer brands the calf If only I could absorb all her pain Why? why her and not me? How I love her my dear sweet Jenny
anonymous. fell in love so fast, I fell hard, and I had no choice but to love her with my weary heart and lonely mind I faced the fear and held on tight. This is what I wrote her to tell her how she had taken over every thought I could think....
Here as I stand before you a young woman in form but much wiser in spirit. My only question is what should I do? Our souls embraced by a power unknown to the physical plain. A power so great and intence, my mere mortal mind cannot explain. You have opened a part of me I have never seen nor recognize. My wall fell with in the first touch of your hand, the look in your eyes and our first kiss. You know just how to reach me and for some reason I let you in.
Have we been here together before? What is our connection? Why have our paths crossed one more time? I have searched my soul my innermost mind. I cannot find the reason nor rhyme. For you I have broken down barriers so very few have been able to get near. You have let me in just as I have you. The thought of loving you has crossed my mind, when your touch meets my body my heart takes flight. When you look into my eyes, it is as if you are reading my souls conditions.
What makes your heart of hearts sing? And what are you thinking when that expression fills your face? Questions and curiosities, I smile and laugh as I try to imagine. I cannot help but notice the way you walk in the room, your pressence your grace. I am taken by the very thought of you. I want to truly know you, if you will give me a chance.
Will you meet me in the middle of impossibility?
Funspirit. I am preparing to enter my 11th year with JC. I can honestly say she has surpassed my wildest fantasy. So now I know to be careful what I ask for. If I had to do it all again I would. Learning to love is my greatest task and I always seem to have a lot to learn.
Sucker. Where should I start? F and I recently got engaged in October after a 5 year relationship. This seemed to be everything we both wanted. After 2 weeks of being engaged something went wrong. She was coming home very late at night and sometimes not even coming home. I questioned it but didn't want to jump to any conclusions. We just got engaged and I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with her but lost by doing so. It has been tough but I have to be strong and let it go and move on. I guess YOU LIVE AND YOU LEARN AND YOU MOVE ON.
Anonymous. I said I'm in love with you. She said that she too was in love with me and thus we conclued that we were in fact IN LOVE. We were young. We were angry. We were laughing. We were scared, terrified. We were in need. We were in love. We had finally found what we were looking for. god had created us for each other.
B & G. We have just wrapped up our 20th year together and still celebrate each one with romance and happiness. Ms Right is out there for each of you girls...hang in there! We were nearly 27 years old when we found each other...very young, we think now, but at the time I can remember wondering if I would ever find her!
Wonderland - photograph
Elsy from San Francisco. My girlfiriend lives in Australia. It's very hard for us, as you probably know. In spite of living in SF, I don't know where to go or what to do. How to go about looking for where all lesbians are. I just realized that I'm a lesbian and would like to explore more about it. I don't know anyone or have any friends around that can help with this issue.
Kenley Maner. I have recently been involved with a red-headed step-child who I found out is my older sister. I didn't know how to handle this. I broke up with her because my parents found out and didn't mind the idea of me being a lesbian, but they minded me being in love with a sibling. I don't know what to do. Please help!.
Heather & Michelle - live scan
Anonymous. During october of 93, i developed a mad crush on my college mathematics professor. i did not recognize the feelings for what they were, but rather enjoyed thinking about her constantly. it hit me during the winter of 94 that i was in love with her. i remember saying to myself, oh my god, i am in love with a math teacher. during spring of 94, i took a lower level math class just so that i could see her. one day after class i mustered up the courage to make a pass at her but nothing happened. during fall of 95, i called her and told her that i really liked her. we may be together after graduation. i hope.
Erica. Norcross, Georgia. 12.09.95, ©1996.ONE
It is her forbidden fruit,
That's what I crave.
Hidden so well in that majestic forest.
I continuously find myself lost,
With no guide, searching anyway.
She plays with me,
Appearing in many guises
Yet I continue on my quest,
Even though at times,
I've felt led astray.
I strengthen with every step.
Hoping to find those consummations,
So fruitful with passion.
Nourishing the vitality of my spirit,
There's an enigmatic sexual presence.
She quenches my thirst for fluids,
She revitalizes my aspirations
With liquifying quintessence.
Endowing my eyes with beauty,
She flows with the wind.
I'm overwhelmed by temptuous desires,
I feel greed, demanding to know when.
All becomes quiet,
Lamentable silence shares my world.
Luminous shadows, prompted by the shining of her soul;
She pilots me through a surreal swirl.
Smelling the fragrances of compassion,
Hearing meditative drums, in my ears.
It is the sound of her heart,
I have had to work so hard for.
She whispers through the trees;
"Once your gluttony has come to a calm,
I will feed you with love.
Together we can and will become,
One."
yukisama. I saw your movie with my Dutch girl friend. She and I had been together for a year. I met her in Holland and we lived together there. I came back to Japan cuz I didn't have visa. This winter she visited me and we spent a nice time, but 2 wks after going back to Holland, all of sudden, she dumped me on the phone. I still don't know the exact reason why she got fed up with me that soon. We are both 27 and we were thinking of living together for our future. But still we had a problem where to live. In Holland it is allowed for gay people to live together but an oriental like me is discriminated, and that was really a big stress for me. In Europe of course White people are dominant like everywhere. We fought a lot about racism. I really realize the true love relationship beyond the race or nationality is difficult. Now I am trying to find a Japanese girl friend. Through the sad experience with the Dutch girl, unfortunately I'm getting more conservative and I now can admit that I am a racist too. So is everybody, though. Now I'm happy to be free in Japan cuz Japanese lesbian scene is open and the parties are great fun. Now to be lesbian is a kind of fashion here, well it could be superficial phoenomenon but because of it, I can do coming out at my office, too. Besides there are many cool young girls at the parties. I'm trying to think that our breaking-up was right cuz it gave me an opprtunity to go into the Jap. lesbian culture. Time never comes back, and we are always keeping moving forward. Experience always gives me a direction to survive a life.
I am not the typical anything I'm not like you or you or you
I am a dyke. Growing, bleeding, screaming, dying, being reborn. From boy to woman.
I am a boy sometimes. I am a faggot. I am frightened. Will you hold me?
Lonely
I am so much
help me
please
Let me be your baby
baby dyke
baby boy
woman
love
yes
I can't cry
not over this
I can't even talk
of it
I feel guilty for the way I want you
the way I love you
help me
please
Judith. I'm in love. I met a womyn who is a practicing Buddhist like myself. She is also an artist. At first she was in a committed relationship but this in fact was not the case. 7 months later after we met she is moving and we are lovers. She's leaving a relationship that was abusive. I think there's a time to work on things and a time to say goodbye, find love and be happy.
anonymous. I have a lover, we have been together for 7 years. One day I thought that the grass would be greener on the other side. I cheated on my lover. When she found out I begged her to forgive me. We are trying to work things out in our relationship. It's not easy being in a gay relationship especially in the small town in which we live. Some people don't understand. I almost lost my lover because of my own stupidity. I guess my advice to others out there is hang on to what you have because the good ones are hard to find. And are few and far between.
Linda. I thought I was straight. Then I met a man who seemed to be out of some dream/fantasy. He said and did all the right things. Call my response passive, but I loved him. As you might guess, it didn't last long. He wasn't bad to me in any way, just casual. And casual is not what I want in a relationship. Then I met Beth. She didn't come on too strong at first, but I found myself attracted. Eventually we touched, had sex, but it still did not seem like a "real" relationship. Then I decided that I was bound by constraints of a society that I did not accept; I mean, it felt bloody good to me, so what made it less than real? My message to you...if it feels good, then don't measure the pleasure against what you might expect - just enjoy it!!!
Linda. lip doubles lip doubles eye doubles cheek
where pleasure knows its own name
and takes itself as space
real as close as fantasy
Anonymous. I am 19, and I am gay. I am not afraid to admit it anymore. I am 19, and I am gay, and I have just met the most wonderful girl, the most interesting, beautiful creature I have ever seen. I don't have to hide anymore. I am 19, and I am gay, and though my handle reads "Anonymous", I shall not remain so forever. I will not fear anymore. And as I kiss her, our first kiss, we are the only two souls in this world. Under the dim buzz-glow of the flourescent lighting overhead, oblivious to the inevitable glances, I kiss her, and I am not afraid of what others think. I am 19, and I am gay, and I this is the story of my coming out.
Laura McE. I am 17 and I was dating a girl who was 24. She was awesome when I first met her and we hit it off great. I met her at a telemarketing place I was working at over the summer of '96. We met again in the September of that year at a Drag show and we started dating after that. We had great times and I don't know what happened when she left without telling anybody...she just left. She called me three weeks later at 2 in the morning claiming she was sorry and had to sort things out and that she, get this...loved me! I thought bullshit, she doesn't love me. Anyways, dumb me took her back. We saw each other again two nights afterwards and we had a good time...she said she would call me the next day and I haven't heard from her since, that was November 2, 1996. I have friends who have seen her and I guess she quit college and hasn't been doing too great, it sucks. I'm over it now and that's my lovely, lovely story!Kelly, do you know what you do to me? When you send me little messages, messages that somewhere tucked inside have the words "your wife." It makes me gasp, takes me aback, I feel the smile as it forms, a wave of love and thanks washes through my chest. Real time, flesh to flesh, breath to breath, breast to breast On a soft down bed arms, lips, hips intertwined. Holding your hands, pushing them over your head with mine. Lying there my body pressed to yours, passionate kisses, knowing this is right I raise my head to catch my breath and I see hands, mine and yours each holding the other's and on the left, wedding bands... --KJD, DVM.
Q-T. When I was a Senior in high shcool I had a feeling I was a Lesbian. I went to a party with a guy one time, there was this girl there and she kept my mind. I wanted to know what it would be like to be with her. I wanted to know the feel of her touch. After a few drinks, and everyone but me and her had passed out, we began to talk, about EVERYTHING! next thing I knew I had had my first lesbian experience. Soon after that I came out and have been seeing the girl ever since.
Jude. I met her through friends. I thought that she was the most beautiful person I had ever met. We were lovers for three years, until she died in a car accident. My life is, I don't exactly know what my life is anymore. She has been gone for almost two years and I still see things that I want to tell her about. Things that only she would understand. My old friends think that I should be over it by now, my newer friends don't even know. I am unable to enter into new relationships, and I'm not sure I will ever want to. I guess what I really want to say is that this is an awful time, but I will get through this, some day.
Deborah (NY). I am currently in a relationship with a straight man who is almost unnervingly supportive of my Kinsey Five-ness. He comes with me to lesbian film festivals (discretely not holding my hand), reads Judith Butler, gets mistaken for a dyke all the time (he's 5'6", wears big baggy jeans with big baggy shirts, and is very effeminate). While I normally identify more as lesbian than straight or bisexual, this relationship has caused me to question the extent to which gender is constructed and whether or not it's unfair for me to hold against this wonderful, sensitive, dyke-y person the fact that he's a man.
Leslie. It's hard to describe the feeling of realizing that you found "the one." I had her, and she was beautiful, smart, and witty. I came out with her at16, dated her through my high school and college years. In one crazy year, the life we had built together fell apart. We both felt betrayed, mostly because of confusion, miscommunication and misunderstanding. I became depressed and alone, and she responded by beginning to date a man. It upset me greatly, and continues to hurt. When I think of her, I still cry, I still want to wrap my arms around her. I still love her, still crave her everyday. I tried to be her friend, tried to keep in touch. I slipped away for my own sanity and hers. But, I don't stop wanting, or needing her. She is gone, perhaps only miles away from my house, or perhaps around the globe. T, I love you, I will always love you. Faithful beyond death, my sweet one.
LT. Being in love is having the worst argument imaginable, in the dead of night, and you're tired and you're angry but you look in her eyes and all you think is I Love You You get up to go to work in the morning and she's still sleeping there and you think I am so Lucky And when you go to work you want to tell everyone about her and how great she is and how happy you are and how much fun you have, how perfect it is. You never tell everyone--but sometimes you tell someone... Everyday is the opportunity to find a new way to your mutual plans--you worry about the bills and you dream about children, a house, a place to live openly, safe and happy You're like anyone else, young and in love...but luckier, because you have her.
agave. I just read through your pages, scrolling down and skimming, and all of a sudden, I just started to cry. Threw myself on my bed, tears on my cheeks. It was snowing outside, and so beautiful, and that made me so sad. There's a woman who I've recently met, creative brilliant bright-eyed engaging lovely intoxicating glittering; I meet her walking down the street and she takes my palm in her gloved fingers to explain her latest brainstorm. The purejoy in me thinking of her makes me sad in the same way the snow does -- beauty that I somehow can't posses, can't control. And I don't know how I want to have her, or what I want to say to her, or why everything beautiful has been making me sad. I'm not who everyone thinks I am or even who I thought I was, but somehow I feel I'm becomming who I think I should be. I'm scared; I'm sad; I'm crying at the snow and the sun and the beautiful woman in the navy chenille gloves.
-. i met her and loved her beyond reason. i worshipped her. she said she loved me too. and then suddenly she dumped me. she said that she had found a man. but i love her still. even now my heart constricts at her thought and it skips a beat ather name. she said she never loved me -- could that be? then what were all those indescribably beautiful times that we had together. all i want is to hev her back. i send out this message to all who can care enough to spare a moment for me -- please pray that she comes back to me bearing the same love for me that i nuture for her. life is nothing without her. she was all meaning -- nay more than meaning -- she was all life for me. i need her for my very existance. it is true today as it was almost a year ago when she dumped me. she knows too that no one can love her like i do -- can we get utopia back? i know i'm rambling a bit senselessly but i can't help it. this has been the most important event of my life and it is an immense relief! to be able to share it. i seek love; and i think that only a woman can love another woman with the tendrness and caring that she can expend. i once again appeal to all to pray for me. thanks.
Nobs. I am well experienced, residing in South Africa I am black 21 years old been to many relationship know all that my partner needs to do, four play everything that goes with love not only sex.. affectionate lover is needed cause I tend to give all my love. Presently I've done my final year in Bachelor Of Commerce, but I specialise in computers working as a pc setup, lan administrator, pc support I also have experience with help desk.
Sandy. I never thought that i was a lesbian; never went through the identity issues, or bashing. A lesbian friend of mine re-introduced me to an aquaintance and at that moment; that instant; my heart jumped out of my chest. She moved me. That was allmost 4 years ago and we are still together. Just as any relationship, it experiences ups and downs, but she completes my circle. it's nice to love for the heart and be loved for the same.
indigo grl. FOUR YEARS AGO I CAME OUT TO MY FAMILY. IT WAS THE HARDEST AND THE MOST EXCITING TIME OF MY LIFE. I FELL IN LOVE WITH THE MOST WONDERFUL PERSON I COULD EVER HOPE TO MEET. SINCE THEN I HAVE FINALLY BEEN ABLE TO LIVE MY LIFE FOR MYSELF. THE DIVORCE WAS HARD (i was married). BUT ALL IN ALL I WOULD DO IT AGAIN. I HAD BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE WITH A WOMEN BUT THAT WAS HIGH SCHOOL STUFF.
Harriet Petti. The first time I spoke with my lover we were in a community room at a hospital, i was sitting on the floor watching a basketball game on t.v. She walked in the room she was angry and upset, She sat on the couch behind me, I could feel her anger and pain. I wanted to touch her then, though she did not know me, I had seen her before, earlier. I was drawn to her right away, and when she spoke with me she seemed to gentle, somehow I knew then that we were meant to have some part in each others lives. She did not know she loved women, but I felt that she was like me right away. We became friends and soon after lovers, it has been almost 5 yrs. and a journey thru this life without her would be void of possibilities I had never imagined. I thank the Goddess for putting her in my path, and thank her for sharing this life with me.
jake. now that I know a little more about whats going on I'll try this again *L* I'm 16 fem um I have a gf she is really great and shes wonderful but we don't get to spend alot of time together cause we both work, I mornings and her nights. we broke up for about a month not to long ago but we realixed that being apart wouldn't help and its hard not seeing her alot but its getting alot easier. I dunno I guess that I am saying that you may not realize what you have until you lose it. I was lucky and I got it back. My parents don't know about it and that is fine they are against gays totally and they said if I ever was they would kick me out and its getting harder to deal with because I am very open about it in public and with other people.
jackie. I am with my lover, S, and we have been together for almost 6 years. S is 14 years older, and intially I was intimidated by her age and what I supposed was her world of experience. When we first met, I had volunteered to help her with some work with AIDS patients that she was doing, and none of our activities together had any type of sexual overtones. We worked well together, and ended up spending a lot of time together. She ended up asking me one night to watch the World Series with her, and we sat in her living room drinking coffee and eating popcorn, watching the Atlanta Braves play in the World Series. She had this hassock we were both sharing, and once we both put our feet up at the same time, and our toes touched, and I thought I was going to faint. Until that point, I did not realize I was attracted to her. We spent several more weeks working together, and at the time, I thought she was straight, because she had children, etc., and she never talked about being a lesbian, or about any relationships. I thought I was crazy for falling in love with a straight woman, and I did not let my feelings known. One day, after working on getting a food bank delivery sorted and ready for distrubution, she told me "I have a problem". When I asked her what the problem was, she said "I'm finding myself getting very attracted to you;" I said "What's the problem?" That night, we made sweet love for the first time, and we've been together ever since. I got over my fear/intimidation about the age difference in a hurry-she is the most beautiful, sexy, wonderful person I've ever known, even in the midst of the "powersurges" she experiences (known to the rest of the world as "hot flashes"). I've never been happier, and I would like to recommend that women out there not let age differences stand in the way of true love.
Deborah. T and I just celebrated our 6th anniversary (and 2nd anniversary of our wedding) by going out to dinner with our 13 year old son (our friend couldn't watch him), returning home and watching the second part of Godfather III and falling into bed exhausted soon to be snoring simultaneously. Bliss.
Becky. My lover Tasha and I came together by accident. Neither one of us were looking for a lesbian relationship but when fate intervenes one learns not to question it. We have been together for 15 beautiful months and every time I see her glowing face, her smile and the sparkle in her eyes I realize what a lucky woman I am. When she holds me close to her and we tell each other how much we are in love, I thank God and the stars that I have such a wonderful, beautiful soulmate.
Melanie Kellerway. Hi! My name is Melanie and I'm from New Zealand. I am 17 yrs old well, to be exact, 18 this coming May. I have been a lesbian almost all my life. Well, I don't care about parents because I have none. I am an oprhan. I grew up in St Vincent's Orphanage. I ran away when I was 14. Since then I have been working for a living. I have met many women in my life and have had sex. But all 5 of my serious girl friends left me for guys and that is why I don't trust bisexuals anymore. I have always been lonely in my life until I bought a laptop and discovered this chat room called Girl Chat on WBS. Since then I have been happier. I want to tell lesbians to never lose faith in anything they do because God is always there for them. Homosexuality / lesbianism is NOT WRONG! God wants us to only be good Christians and love one another. I think He doesn't mind. Love is all we need in our life.....and that is what I have now...love. From God and all my very very good friends in GC.
milo. otis and i have been together for almost three years. i never felt love before i met her, and girl was i cluless about what i was missing. everyday is not roses, but good days make up for bad minutes. I love this woman.
liana. As a single individual, I used to hate it when the coupled people would brag about their happiness. I was always able to slide in a snide comment or two to boost my ego and quell my fears. Would I be alone forever? Would I find the person to make me happy? I played the sorority girl games in college, got my grades, did like I was told. But something was always missing for me, that something that my coupled friends had already discovered. I want my legacy to show that I too found happiness. It was a silly Labor Day BBQ two years ago on a pleasant afternoon in Seattle. An innocent conversation, a walk along the Fremont Bridge, a glass of water at the local bar. A second evening, an Armenian story, dessert, an innocent hug as she left my home. An subsequently, a life of happiness. Sure, we have our bumps, but I want my life to reflect that I found true happiness; that is, a wonderful woman found me. I long for the day when we can both share that happiness with everyone we come across, but for now, we live our quiet life with fantastic friends in a city filled with great people. Thank you Brandi B. I love you dearly.
Shelly Bonoan. Smoking My GirlsI can't seem to settle down With just one girl Why? My interest for one Changes like how I smoke my cigarettes I go through each one Having two minute orgasms Until I have an empty box My heart is carved hollow Only filled with pain and longing Why? I can't have one person to satisfy me I always want more And demand more I smoke my cigarettes And it leaves me dry Am I wasting my breath? Am I wasting my time? Give me another cigarette Shelly Bonoan 93.02.21.
kathie. BELIEVE IT OR NOT...I was 25 years old before my first experience with a woman. We had so much in common with each other. We have been together for two years...we are now having difficult times she isn't interesd in sex any more and I'm not sure what to do-I love her very much. I've tried to talk to her but to no avail. I've told her I need to be close to her that way and she just doesn't understand where I'm coming from. There is a big age difference-19 years but I didn't think that would matter but I think it does to her.
Shelly Bonoan.She read a poem of mine when she first met me, Instead of impressing her, I found her wary of my faithfulness She interpreted the poem her way, It didn't offend me, but maybe I shouldn't have let her read it then; Maybe it was too soon, My fault; the poem, quite revealing in an autobiographical sense Then, she compared herself whenever possible to a cigarette that I would smoke and quickly put out when I was through Few months went by of jabbing about cigarettes, Until one night, over dinner I told her Seriously of my switching from Newport to hers; Marlboro Lights Menthols, she thought I was joking. Shelly Bonoan 93.09.26.
Drew.Round the corner steps a figure from my past and the inadequacy of my surrogate security becomes apparent as I lose myself in her eyes and the safety of my own company and the confidence of meeting strangers flies in the face of the familiarity of her every contour still tied to that past I can not seem to leave behind so much drifts here in looks and memories it is not her but could so well be.
JUDITH. The world is such a cold passionateless place. We are sisters together and it is our hearts and souls that make it a warm and tender place. I have made warm wonderful love to a lot of beautiful women online. I have not had the real feel of a woman's soft touch. My mind imagines and my body reacts. My heart is filled with the feelings of the time I will be made full. If you see this, then think of someone close to you that you love and go to them and hug them for me. As I do not think I will ever find that true love. My wishes go with you and my heart beats faster because of you. JUDITH 4/98
anonymous. I've been with S. now for 2 years... off and on. When we are together things are great. She is in to us 100%, I am in to us 85%. The reason that we have broken up 4 times is because of me. I am so in love with her, but I always break up with her for reasons that even I can't explain. She always sticks by me though. We're together now. The last time was beyond my wildest dreams and I'm hoping that this time is THE time. The time that I don't let whatever it is in my head that is getting between us not gets its way. The time that we stay together for ever. I love her so much and can't imagine life without her.
stacy. I am mine. You are yours. The time we give each other is the time we choose to give, not demanded, not expected, but received graciously as the gift it is...and when we're apart, we think of each other perhaps, but take solace in the simple knowledge that we'll be together again. It's not a matter of worry: It is simply being warmed by the thought of one another rather than blanketed in fears of loss.
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