My Lesson
One day, as I was going to the P.W.C.S, I got a phone call. They told me I needed to hurry up and get there, so off I went. As I was going, I was wondering why the P.W.C.S. wanted me there.
As I entered the conversation room at the P.W.C.S. headquarters, I could tell something was wrong. Only half of the board members were there, and a lot of them were pale. Then, one of them spoke. "Help!" he cried. "the Goats have attacked and have destroyed the Great Cheese Mines!"
"What am I supposed to do about it?" I asked.
"You have been voted as the ambassador for the Cows," another cow replied. "You will go to Barnyard HQ tomorrow to speak on behalf of the cows."
The next day, I went to the Barnyard HQ and met with the other animals. At the meeting were the Cows, Sheep, Horses, Goats, Chickens and Donkeys. The Sheep and Horses joined the Cows side at the meeting, while the Chickens joined the Goats. The F.U.N. (or Farm United Nations) failed to convince the Goats to give up, and they left very angry.
As I left, a Goat ambassador came over to me. I tried to avoid him, but he caught me. Then, he grabbed me! He threw me into the ambassadors' van and drove off!
When I was taken out of the van, I was at an old…milk factory? Some goats took me to a milk factory? I thought goats made milk - not got it from factories. Those milk wannabees! No wonder goat milk tastes fake.
Anyway, they told me to betray the Cows. When I refused, they tied me up and left me in the fake milk factory. They said they would come for me when the war was over.
My lesson learned? Never get involved in a war between farmland animals. And never, ever let anyone take you to a milk factory. It smells like wet goats - and trust me, that stinks!
The Quest for a Friend
"Oh my gosh" whispered a voice above me, "is it alive?"
Slowly I opened my eyes. Above me I saw two men in white suits. They looked a lot like scientists. I tryed to get up, but couldn't . "Where was I?" "How did I get there?" and "Why am I here?" were the questions running through my mind.
Then one of the scientists said "The transformation's complete!"
"What transformation?" I replied.
"You volunteered for a transformation from a human to a cow" one of them said "We are scientists working for the P.W.C.S."
"WHAT" I yelled of the top of my lungs "I've been turned into a cow!"
"Yes" replied the scientist calmly " The P.W.C.S. also said you need to make a friend in one day in order to stay a cow forever."
"Okay" I said "This will be easy."
The next day I was holding auditions. The first audition was by a cow named Chuck. Chuck was, well, how can I put it, not alright in the old noodle. He kept calling me Alexis and was talking about paint. After twenty minutes of being lectured about how to paint a house, I knew it was going to be a long day. How right I was.
Next was a cow named Larry. I kept asking him why he wanted to be my friend, but he just asked where he was, and who I was, and where his mom was. He reminded me of Dory from "Finding Nemo", but when I told him this, he said"Ohhh,so I'm a fish"and started wiggling around and saying "I'm a fish".
Then, at the end of the day, as I was leaving, sad with the thought of being turned back into a human, a small duck came in. He said " Hi, my name is Bob the cow".
"But, you're a duck.." I said hesitently .
"And what's that supposed to to mean Mr.'I look like an black and white TV."
"It means you're not a cow."
"But I am, see!" he quacked "Moo-Moo, I'm lazy and I'm eating grass, Moo-Moo, I look like a dumb person, Moo-Moo".
"Don't make me call Elmer Fudd!" I warned him.
"Yikes!" he squacked "It's duck season, gotta go!"
"Wow" I said, freaked out by Bob the Cow/Duck.
The next day went by so fast, I could hardly grasp it. All I knew was at the end of the day I was back to my old human self. As I walked home, I felt a tear go down my cheek as I whispered "So close, yet so far".
The P.W.C.S.
About two weeks ago, as I was walking home from school, something happened that changed my life. It changed my whole life, and I'll never forget what happened.
As I said, it was about two weeks ago, as I was walking home from school. I'd had a pretty normal day. Basics was fun, lunch was boring, and my math teacher was trying to be cool, again. But then something out of the ordinary happened. I was crossing 24th Street when a white van with black spots pulled up. My first thought was that whoever owned that van must love cows. But as the window was rolled down, I realized my mistake. That person didn't just love cows– it WAS a cow!
I was speechless. A cow had just pulled up in a van! I said the first thing that came to mind. "I've already had three servings of dairy today," I said, slightly scared of what that cow could do.
Then the cow spoke. "Hop in," said the cow. "You are being taken to the P.W.C.S."
I was stunned! I mean, a van-driving cow had just asked me to go to the PW.C.S. Headquarters, whatever that was. I quickly decided to get in. I mean, what could a cow do to me? I got inside, and immediately asked him, "What's the P.W.C.S?"
The cow replied, "It stands for People who Worship Cows who are Short. It's a cow fan club, and you'll be questioned to see if you love cows enough."
When we got to the Headquarters, they stuck me in a room with lots of cows and humans. They asked me questions for what seemed like hours, then put me in a smaller room while they decided if I could join.
When they came back with their decision, I knew there was something big going on. They told me that their leader was resigning, and they needed someone to fill in. They had decided that I would be perfect. I couldn't believe it! It was the happiest day of my life. I had just been voted leader of a cow fan club!
For the rest of my childhood, I was the leader of the cows. And when I grew up, I founded an international cow organization. And to think that it started on the happiest day of my life, when I was admitted to the P.W.C.S.
The Cows from Pen 13
A few years ago, in a remote part of Oregon, there was a farm. It looked like any other farm, with a big red barn, fields filled with vegetables, and plenty of farm animals. The owner of the farm, McFoe, loved cows, so it isn't surprising that he owned more cows than any other kind of animal.
Farmer McFoe loved all of his cows, except for the ones in Pen 13, who kept to themselves and stayed in their pen almost all the time. To him they seemed strange, but he kept them for reasons unknown.
One day, Farmer McFoe was getting ready for bed when he heard a noise from one of his cow pens. He went to his barn immediately, thinking that someone was trying to steal his beloved cows. But when he got to his barn, he saw that the doors were locked. Feeling scared and confused, he went in. He looked at each one of his pens to make sure none of his cows were missing.
As he reached Pen 13, he saw that there were no cows. Farmer McFoe looked around for his cows. He looked up, anxious to find his cows and get to bed. When he did, he saw a pale cow covered with camouflage paint. "Farmer McFoe," yelled the cow. "We have come to free our fellow cows from your evil oppression!"
Farmer McFoe backed up slowly, and then turned to run, but he came face to face with two more of these 'Camo-Cows' who were blocking the exit. Farmer McFoe ran to his special exit, but when he made it outside, there were dozens of Military Copters, with 'Camo-Cows' sliding down on ropes.
Farmer McFoe stopped and closed his eyes, hoping this was just a dream, but it wasn't. Soon the cows had surrounded him, and he heard a voice on a loudspeaker saying "Farmer McFoe, you are under arrest in the name of cow law for holding these cows against their will and illegally selling cows bodily substances."
Farmer McFoe looked around, hoping there was a way he could escape. He saw that there was a gap in the lines of cows, and he made a break for it.
The cows started shooting at him. As he looked around, he realized they were shooting HAY at him! Suddenly Farmer McFoe felt a sharp pain in his leg. He tried to keep running, but the pain got the best of him and he blacked out.
When he woke up, Farmer McFoe was lying on a bed. He saw a nurse, and asked her where he was. She told him he was in a prison hospital, and he would be serving is life sentence in Mooapolis. For the next 50 years, Farmer McFoe spent his days in jail. On earth, everyone thought the cows had all broken out, and Farmer McFoe had been trampled. But no one knew the truth, that he had been captured by the cows from Pen 13.