Dear Investors,
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Jaromir "Jack" Radislav, Doyslovnan Minister of Trade and Harvard MBA. Let me turn you on to some of the compelling investment opportunites here in Doyslovna.
Pick one of the following topics!
When he wasn't slaughtering the infidel, Vlad "Dracula" Dracul kept a summer house here in the Scarlak Mountain range in Northern Doyslovna. In the centuries since, the mountains have lost none of their charm. Ripe to become the next big ski destination for the jet-set!
One of the best-known man-made monuments in the world is Mount Rushmore. What is not so well known is that the mastermind behind Rushmore did his rough sketches in Doyslovna. Yes, Gustave Borglum, with the help of his illegitimate nephew Fritz "Fats" Waller, carved early versions of all five heads in the Scarlak Mountain range. They are ready for development, either to be packaged up and sold like London Bridge, or to be turned into luxury condominiums!
Because Doyslovna has long been a beacon for artists on the run from angry creditors, we have one of the world's finest stockpiles of unknown art treasures. One of our premiere collectors, brokers, and gallery owners is Lucius "Lefty" McTruglio XVI.
For three hundred years, the McTruglio family has run "Lefty's", a haven for avant-garde artists, writers, and evangelists of all types. The McTruglio's often took art in trade for liquor, room and board, or other services.
For example, one night in 1919, Pablo Picasso once bought a round for the entire bar by painting a huge mural. Later, this mural would be repainted by Picasso as the famous Guernica, but at the time, Lefty McTruglio XV thought it needed a few more naked women.
In any case, Lefty's is only one of the many sources of great artwork in Doyslovna! After World War II, Doyslovna was second to only Argentina in the number of former German Generals seeking asylum in trade for acquired art collections!
The people in Doyslovna know what's good for them, and what's good for them is working with foreign corporations to make better products for the world market!
A few recent projects:
- The twin cities of Bog-Piet were recently home to a test for Merck and Co.'s latest pharmeceutical test for hair regrowth solutions! While the prognosis for the product was not good, the people were very co-operative! And all of Doyslovna truly appreciated Merck's wonderful offer to pay for the wigs after the five hundred subsequent skin graft operations were finished. Merck even sent a nice picture for the hospital wating room! And best of all, no pesky lawsuits to deal with!
- The Russian experimental power plant is up and running ahead of schedule, and worker fatalities are only two hundred percent above projections. Another example of Doyslovnan can-do!
Doyslovna won the Michelin Guide's 1995 award for Rockiest Balkan Country. And those rocks are for sale at — pardon the expression — rock-bottom prices!
In fact, any deal-maker who visits Doyslovan between now and Consolidated Doyslovnan Independence Days will be able to take away a free ton of assorted rocks, free of cost. And we pay for the shipping!
- On March 13, every type of lawyer has been outlawed in Doyslovna except for two: corporate and tax experts. The rest of the legal system in Doyslovna is run by far-sighted judges who understand that the business of Doyslovna is business. Big business!
- From now on, the thirty separate Doyslovnan Independence Days (January 4; February 18, 28; March 30; July 4-6, 11-13, 28; August 1, 19-21; October 31; November 2-13; December 24, 25) have now been officially combined into one two-week period. The new Consolidated Independence Days will combine Carnival, Mardi Gras, Fourth of July, Bastille Day, and Guy Fawkes Day — all with traditional Doyslovnan spirit!
- Arms Manufactures should note our special rates for this fortnight. Call ahead for testing slots, as space is limited!
As you can see, Doyslovna is the freest free market on the planet. If you want it, you can buy it! If you have a vision, we'll help you make it a reality! If you need a ready supply of human guinea pigs, we'll supply them! Short sighted fiscal policies in the Western Industrial countries may have won the day, but:
In Doyslovna, it's always the Go-Go Eighties!
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If you are interested in any of these investment opportunites, please write to us at:
mono@echonyc.com
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