By Jill Dearman
What's Your Sign?
Mr. Aries could be any member of the Village People... the cop, the cowboy, the construction worker. He loves to play roles, and the more obvious the better. Subtlety is not exactly one of his strong points...in fact, come to think of it, he possesses none! What he does have a lot of is heart and honesty. He really hates to lie and does it so poorly that he knows it's not even worth the effort. Although on occasion he may tell you how beautiful that cockring looks with that string of faux pearls, just to make you happy and to get you on your back that much faster.
And speaking of faster, pussycat, this man is a veritable speed machine. He goes through life at 150 miles an hour, and he is just as fast and furious in bed. (So that the fast part doesn't frustrate you, you had better get in charge of the foreplay department.)
On the outside, Mr. Aires may seem egotistical and vain, and certainly self-centered, but, you know, he is really a lot more than that. If we were all as up-front about what we want and how we feel, there would be a lot less war and misery in the world and a lot less cattiness in our own little gay ghetto. So take a lesson from him. He is who he is and does not pretend to be anyone else. He 'fesses up to his own shit, and that's what makes him braver than most. He also has high expectations of himself, and if he doesn't let you into his psyche that easily, it might be because he is still trying to prove himself to himself. He may have a big ego, but he is by no means smug.
This man is a true innocent in the world and wants to make his own way on his own terms, without having to lie, cheat, or steal to get to the top. But get to the top he will, because he is a true individual and a real risk-taker, in the best possible sense. He's a rare breed, and he knows it.
He is an earth sign after all, so he can't help but realize on the most primal level that we are living in a material world, and he is a material girl. Most of these boys do have good jobs, or at least possess the ability to make a lot of dough if they want to. They can be lazy though. The most typical Taurus gay man works superhard to make lots of money so that he can later achieve the freedom and time to do absolutely nothing. Later may mean different things to different Tauruses. Your Taurus may come home and night and watch TV as if it were a religious calling. Or he may go out and enjoy the sensual delights the world has to offer... good food, good sex... always keeping in mind his dream to one day be able to sit on his butt and not have to answer to anybody.
Although he possesses incredibly refined tastes (I could write a whole chapter on his taste buds), at heart he has simple needs. Unlike his Leo brothers who really desire the good life or his Gemini brothers who need constant entertainment, Mr. Taurus can do just fine with a simple meal (which includes potatoes -- his mother's milk substitute) and a bed with either a good book on his pillow or a remote control. He is self-sufficient and can take care of himself without bothering anybody. Once he is in a place in life (emotionally and practically) to do what he really wants to do, he will probably be happiest working in a field that brings his artistic talents and his smart business sense together. And then he can really feel free to enjoy himself, and all the treats the world has to offer.
Mr. Gemini has a quick mind... and I'm talking superquick. Unlike Mr. Leo, who is just waiting for you to shut up so that he can say what he wants to say, or Mr. Aries, who will abruptly cut you off, Mr. Gemini will simply tune out and go into his much more scintillating head, if you start to bore him. And the young chap simply detests being bored or understimulated.
Because he is so clever, you may find him working in a profession that demands strong writing and/or communicating abilities. Hopefully he has a job that is in no way monotonous. You see, if gets to flit from interest to interest and project to project daily, he is probably a happy Gemini. If he is stuck in a rut in his life, you may find him depressed and depressing to be around. When he feels trapped, he can be downright mean!
Mr. Gemini probably discovered his nature early in life and has found ways to keep himself happily busy (and he can never be too busy). He probably reads all the time, and his tastes are no doubt eclectic. He can swing from "Betty and Veronica" to Proust in the blink of his blank "Little Orphan Annie" eye. He is so much more facile than everyone else that after a while he is sure to bore himself!
This man needs people, and he needs 'em bad. Being born under a mutable sign, he is extremely adaptable. In fact, he's quite the chameleon. He tends to get involved in the interests of his friends, lovers, and colleagues (and his family if he's really desperate...he's known them so long they really bore him.) He is no snob, mind you. Just as he can go from reading or seeing trash culture to putting on a tux and acting like the stuffiest patron of the arts, he also loves to get a taste of different kinds of people. But the main thing he looks for is humor. He can dig the witty side out of the most seemingly tedious individual. That's what makes him so charming, and so lovable.
You see, even thought he above description may sound like the thumbnail sketch of a shallow man (and he'd be the first to stand up and scream, "I'm just a big ball of fluff!"), he actually possesses a bigger heart than you might imagine. Mr. Gemini is the most open person in the zodiac. He can talk to anyone and relishes the opportunity to hear anyone's opinion. He challenges himself daily, though, and expects others to do the same. He doesn't even realize how inspiring he is.
Mr. Cancer's wacky moods may at times convince you that he's emotionally unstable or, to put it mildly, completely off his rocker. In reality, he is just moody. Supermoody. But that doesn't mean he isn't incredibly steady and capable in his dealings outside the home. He is security-minded and probably has a nice, stable job. Even if he works in a traditionally unstable field such as entertainment or organized crime, he will still make his own regular and predictable routine.
If you are dating him, you will see that he immediately gravitates toward rituals: watch on old Rock Hudson or Tony Perkins movie on Wednesday nights; have sex by candlelight in the bathtub at midnight on Fridays, etc. He's sort of like an animal that way. He likes his rituals and he likes to possess the things and people he needs and desires.
Yes, he's clingy, but most people crave such clinginess. When he's holding you in his arms late at night and reassuring you that everything will be all right, you will feel just like Monty Clift did when Liz Taylor looked into his eyes and said, "Tell, Mama," in A Place in the Sun. Yes, when the sun rises and the world is less scary, you may think, "I don't need this. I can do okay on my own," but even you will know that you're fooling yourself.
Everyone should experience the crazy romantic foolishness of a Cancer at least once in his life -- especially if you're a gay man (and if you're not, why are you reading this book? Put it down and run screaming out of the room!) And if you're lucky, you'll hold on to this howling-at-the-moon-crazy Cancer queen for life.
In their careers, they tend to gravitate in two directions: the arts or big business. If they are the business type, you can bet that they are either in charge or on their way to being in charge. These cats don't like to take orders from anyone. Mr. Leo can be surprisingly conservative in business. He knows how to work from within the system and is the ultimate insider (like that famous gay America president Bill Clinton. You knew he was gay, but did you know he was a Leo? Kisses to Hillary! -- JD). He hates to rush, so he doesn't mind gradually working his way up to the top, but with his charisma, chances are he'll get there fast.
If he's an artistic Leo, you won't find him slaving away alone in his garret. No, this boy needs attention and lots of it. He can't live without a constant high dosage of adoration. A compliment makes him come to life. And if you adore his art, he knows that means you adore him. Of all the arts, acting is the one that he is the most gifted at. He is a natural performer and can rope in an audience with his divine sense of timing and people pleasing. Of course, even if he practices a craft that has nothing to do with the stage or screen, he will somehow manage to grab the limelight. (See Warhol, Andy, another famous Leo.)
The Leo gay man also possesses a great integrity and honesty. He needs to live his life in a way that he deems moral and proper. That doesn't mean he has anything against prostitutes or drunks. He has compassion and love for all. But at some point in his life, he will face himself and his own shortcomings and have to make some serious choices about how he wants to lead his life. He may be a materialistic whore, but he is an honest one.
Mr. Virgo prays to the God of work. He loves a project! And he loves to worry... especially about the details. He is an odd combination of the earth influence and the air sign influence of Mercury (Virgo's ruling planet.) He sits on the fence between the physical world and the mental plane.
These men are incredibly bright and sensitive. He's really more of an escapee from a Victorian novel than he lets on. Even when they've been married for years, these guys still feel like humble spinsters on the inside. And humble he is. Some overcompensate, but all really believe they are "not worthy" of the grandiose things in life: you know, like love and happiness.
He is quite adept at language and is apt to work in a field that allows him to use his mind and his strong critical abilities. Virgo gay men also make good performers and editors (details, darling!) He must be happy in his work or he can't be happy in his life. He likes to feel a sense of purpose, and when he is appreciated by his boss and peers, he is at his best. The dear boy is hard on himself, and even when everyone tells him, "You're brilliant," and "Your work is incredible," he will still say, "Oh, no, it's terrible," and pick it apart in minute detail. So you could imagine what he's like when he's working for someone who is never satisfied. He becomes a martyr and is absolutely no fun to be around.
Virgo men are often typecast as "clean freaks," "workaholics," and "nuts." He may be all of the above or he may be just the opposite. This man is prone to extremes.
Always remember that his greatest asset and his biggest Achilles' heel is his critical prowess. He may criticize the feng shui of your apartment, your use of syntax, and your homemade pasta, but it is only because he wants to help. You've no doubt heard what a perfectionist he is, and it's true. He believes life is a process... the process of making the world as clean and perfect and pure as his astrological symbol... the virgin... Mary!
Mr. Libra is also a great lover or art and probably a talented artiste himself. He has a great sense of the aesthetic. If he's an evolved Libra man, you will see it in the way he decorates. Even if he lives in a most humble abode, you can bet that the color scheme is subtly perfect and the lighting a dream come true.
If he does not pursue an artistic career, chances are he will do something that uses his highly developed sense of logic. Libra is the sign that rules law, but what does that have to do with logic, really? Of course he would make a divine lawyer, judge, or journalist... anything that calls for a strong sense of objectivity.
He's a funny paradox because on the one hand he is a true peace lover and diplomat (Mahatma Gandhi was a Libra; Jimmy Carter, too), but he just loves to provoke heated arguments. Then he sits back and watches the fur fly. He will never get blood on his hands, but he is often there on the scene of the crime when a big brouhaha is taking place. He's full of contradictions and his favorite hobby is switching ideas in the middle of an argument. He's so charming, though, that most times he gets away with it.
Ruled by Pluto, the violent planet of transformation, every Scorpio man will at one time or another battle with himself and come out on one side or the other. This battle will probably take place over time. This man invented the concept of "the dark journey of the soul." And it is a journey, baby. If he makes it to the good side, he's quite a force to be reckoned with, in the best possible sense. He's loyal to those he loves and fiercely protective. He's driven, funny, sexy, and confident with a strong and deep sense of intuition. If he doesn't war with himself and come out on the evolved side, he can be a most dangerous man to deal with, one who will destroy himself and others, without even fully understanding why he is compelled to be so violent.
If he has a purpose in life (and he almost certainly does), he will strive to achieve his goal, no matter how long it takes. Even the most evolved Scorpio men do have to wrestle with their dark side, though. He has a naturally addictive personality. At times he may turn to sex or drugs to soothe his hurts. But he is just as capable of purifying himself to the extreme. He may kick all his bad habits at once: from promiscuity to pot. That's just his way. So what does he do when he's not swinging on a pendulum between the forces of life and earth?
Well, he's probably having fun somewhere, enjoying some verbal repartee with a challenging naysayer and a roomful of fans. Or he may be out taking classes, working out, or researching a pet obsession. The man knows how to live life to the fullest. And he is never at a loss for energy, enthusiasm, and emotion.
This man believes in living life, not building up security or worrying about future rainy days. He is very in the now, which is why he always presents such a hipper-than-thou presence. Why, even the ones whose business cards read "Geek Personified" are on the cutting edge of every retro-nerd trend that rolls around.
Mr. Sag was born under the sign of the philosopher. He has a bit of the preacher in him, too. These boys can go to extremes when it comes to politics and religion. At one point in his life he may fancy himself a born-again Christian. At another point he may become an activist, who fights with all he's got to battle the Christian right. Yes, he's a zealot and a nut!
His biggest battle, though, is with his own integrity.
You see, most of these boys are tremendously lucky and early on discover the ability to slide through life. That could include fibbing to a lover about infidelity. "Of course I didn't sleep with that waiter! How could you even think that?" (All right, technically, a hand job in the men's room is not "sleeping together," but wouldn't it be more honest to just tell boyfriend dearest the whole truth?) Or he may become so palsy-walsy with his boss that he gets away with murder on the job and is the only one to get a raise when everyone else is being downsized.
Still, honesty is a major issue with him. Mr. Sag has the reputation of being "brutally honest." Yeah, he's the type who'll tell you, "Wow, your back is getting hairy, and that Grizzly Adams look was never in to begin with." Or he might blab to a roomful of status-conscious queens, "Hey, can you believe Bill only makes ten dollars an hour!" Charming. Yet, somehow this scalawag gets away with bad behavior. Why? Because he really is completely unmalicious (unless he has a lot of Scorpio planets.) Nothing embarrasses him, so he can't relate to the feeling. Feel live shaving your pubes in front of him as you watch the eleven o'clock news together? Fine. Your boyfriend said you suck in bed? No biggie. Nothing fazes him, and he loves to laugh at life. Because he can laugh at himself, people usually laugh with him, not at him.
He really, really wants to be an honest man, but unfortunately he can resist anything except temptation (and a delicious ass.) As he gets older, he begins to realize that he has to become the best ideal of himself that he can be or die a broken, hollow man. He will struggle his whole life with these issues, though. But a worthwhile struggle it is, for Mr. Sag desperately needs to discover and define the terms of his life philosophy. And he must set an example with his own life. Along the way, of course, he may act like the most insufferable, charming, and naughty boy you've ever met in your life.
This man's Sun sign I see as being closely related to that of his opposite sign, Cancer. You see, Mr. Capricorn is at his best, and his happiest, when he can move on a steady forward course, but when the planets shift in ways that throw him off course, he can either rise to the occasion and go with the tide or sink into deep, dark waters of his own making. While Cancers, who are ruled by the moon, must get used to their mood swings and eventually find a way to groove with nature, Mr. Capricorn is too practical to believe in moods, feelings, or astrology. Well, he may go for the study of the stars, once he realizes he can plot a more successful course for his future by using this ancient blend of art and science.
You see, Capricorns are ruled by the stern and stoic planet, Saturn. Saturn is known as the great teacher. It teaches us all to make our own luck, not to rely on outer forces, but to develop ourselves to strategize and to develop self-discipline. Yes, Mary, that makes Saturn a heavy planet and explains why Mr. Capricorn feels the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Lucky for him, life tends to get easier as he gets older. Probably this is because he has spent years developing wisdom and learning how to work hard and go after what he wants. But, oh, those black moods of his.
As a gay man he possesses the usual outlets for tension: obsessively going to the gym and sexually compulsive behavior. For the more evolved Capricorn gay man, there are other options. First, he should admit to himself that work is his God and set up his life so that he can achieve the career status he so desperately desires. Then he can focus his energies around this singular goal. For instance, if he wants to be a lawyer, he can study law, meet men through online legal/anal-sex chat rooms (two great tastes that go together), and contribute to his community by doing some pro bono work for immigrants with HIV or for bias-crime victims. The content of his work, whether his goal is to be a lawyer, a beautician, a plumber, or an actor, should be the glue that holds the rest of his life together.
If he is so out of touch with himself that he believes, "Oh, work isn't that important to me" and "Moderate success is all I need," then I pity the poor boy. He will then take his frustrations out on his friends, family, lover, and most of all himself. Luckily, even a misguided Capricorn will eventually see the light and realize that his destiny is to be a mogul (nutty but fascinating and rich Capricorn Howard Hughes) and a role model in his chosen field (martyred hero to all activists Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.)
And if you're a Capricorn looking for queer role models, how about the bisexual bombshell Marlene Dietrich. Just be careful, boys, that on your path to success you don't follow the road of the destructive closet-queen Capricorn J. Edgar Hoover. Although, one must admit he did achieve the Capricornian goal of supreme power in his lifetime, but all you goat boys out there must ask yourself, at what cost? Then create your own road to the top that's paved with ambition and integrity.
Aquarius men tend to live in the future. They have great belief that the world of tomorrow is going to be much better -- much more fair and humane -- than the world of today. And most of these brilliant thinkers will go on to do great works, to make the universe a better place for all of us. These fellows can be awe-inspiring.
They can also drive you crazy if you're close to one of them. Intimacy is not their specialty. Aquarians are more comfortable with we than with I. I'm not talking about the grand we of Leo. The Aquarian we can be very distracting, even when these well-meaning men use it to express loving concepts.
All right, students, does anyone have any idea what Mr. Aquarius is talking about? Yes, Rick? You have no idea? Good! Neither does Mr. Aquarius.
You see, Mr. A gets so caught up in ideas and concepts that involve "the world" that he has a hard time communicating one-on-one. He is also, as you can see, incredibly cerebral. His mind is his greatest asset and worst handicap. His ideas are bigger than life and idealistic, and his ability to think rationally and to reason are incredibly well developed. Often, however, his overactive brain cancels out his feelings. It's hard for him to just listen to his feelings and act on them. Even on the occasions when he does, he may talk himself out of it halfway through.
So what saves this poor, gifted soul? His friends. Friendship is the most important thing to Mr. Aquarius. It's a thing of beauty and inspiration to this highly gentle man. The Aquarian who chooses his friends wisely can count on them to pull his more motional side out of him, and to teach him to deal with people he loves on a more personal level.
At heart, these men are scientists who seek deep and thorough understanding. From this place of knowledge they desire to change the world for the better. The challenge for Aquarian men is to understand how to relate to the people closest to them, using their hearts, not their heads.
These fellows are just so damn vivid! Some Pisces men work in professions that are linked to healing or helping. They make great social workers, are drawn to hospital environments, and have a literal "healing touch" that they use to help the aged or the sick. You can expect to see many a Pisces man on the front line fighting for the rights of people with AIDS.
These men are almost always gentle by nature, but just watch them do battle when it's for a cause or, more likely, a person they love. They are activists in the most personal sense. It's not just "political" for them.
You can also find gay Pisces fellows working in the arts. Their imagination knows no bounds, which is why they make great performers, writers, and artists. The lucky ones tap into their storytelling abilities early in life and develop their gift for not censoring themselves. That's what makes their art so pure, emotional, and immediate. Some Pisces men struggle to fit their talents into the "real world." It's not easy, but if someone believes in them, they can make it.
Pisces men are so deeply sensitive and emotional that almost all of them run the risk of substance abuse, sexual addiction, or involvement with an active addict. Being born at the end of the zodiacal wheel, these guys all have a world-weary wisdom, which they at times try to deny. No wonder it feels easier for them to do a shot, pop a pill, or fuck till they can't remember who they are, rather than to deal with the pains of the world that they are supersensitive to.
Their environment affects them deeply. They can psychically sense the mood in a room, and they absorb it. Being so damn mutable is not easy for them. They often search for a calm, stable place to settle down in, but they soon realize that they will carry waves of feeling and fear with them their whole lives. Their biggest challenge is to bestow some of that huge, all-encompassing Piscean compassion on themselves.