Male Matchmaking

Finding Your Leading Man

Introduction

The Author's Introduction

Excerpts:

"Finding Your Inner Male"

"The Party Boy"

"Male Matchmaking"

"Party Boy and Therapy Junkie"

Finding Your Leading Man

"Male Matchmaking"
from Finding Your Leading Man

By Jon P. Bloch, Ph.D.

Whichever OWTA type you are, you’ll find more intimacy in your life if you can get past its limitations. By striving to change yourself, you will change, but the change may not be absolute. Most of us carry through life an essential nature that can improve over time, but which stays fundamentally recognizable. A Creature of Habit (for example) will probably always tend to compartmentalize his life, but he can become more flexible and learn to make time for intimacy.

Moreover, the people we encounter in our lives can influence how we grow and change. Some people seem to inspire and challenge us to improve. Others seem to influence us very little. Still other people we encounter bring out the worst in us. Ultimately, who each of us is, is our own responsibility; if you want to get past the Intimacy Blockers of your OWTA type, it’s up to you. Still, some types of men can help you to accomplish this more than others. Intimacy is never easy, but sometimes you meet a man who makes it seem easier. By contrast, other men tend to reinforce business as usual. Somehow, when the two of you get together, you bring out the worst habits in each other when it comes to avoiding intimacy.

However you feel about your OWTA type, you’re probably wondering what other OWTAs you are and are not compatible with. So I’ve paired up each OWTA with all twelve of the OWTA types. Some combinations are more likely than others to inspire intimacy and improvement of one’s character. However, working on the premise that no relationship is without its problems, and that no relationship is without its good points (yeah, right), I’ve included the following information in each description:

• What’s Good: The strengths of the relationship — the fun stuff. What happens when you and the other guy are manifesting the positive qualities of your OWTAs and are working on overcoming your Intimacy Blockers (as through the exercises outlined above.)
• What Needs Work: The challenges posed by the partnership — the not-such-fun stuff. The type of relationship you have when you and your partner are emphasizing your Intimacy Blockers, and the two of you are not doing your homework to overcome them.

So that you can see at a glance how good a match each relationship is, I’ve devised a four-star rating system, just like for movies:

Four stars
Pick out the china pattern. A great mach! All your friends will hate you when they see how great your relationship is. But what will you care?
Three stars
It beats playing solitaire. It’s not the romance you envisioned, but you’re more happy than unhappy (as you sometimes remind yourself).
Two stars
The jury’s out. You can make it happen — provided that he’s willing. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.
One star
Don’t even go there. What are you thinking? Didn’t your mother teach you anything? Go to your room. No TV for a week.

All OWTAs have three four-star relationships, three three-star relationships, and so on. (Even if you’re blond, you should be able to figure out that four times three equals twelve.) The one exception is the Perennial Closet Case. Such men simply don’t have four-star relationships. However, sometimes they have two- or even three-star relationships. This is bad news as much as good news, because a fairly comfortable relationship can keep these men in the closet that much longer.

Of course, all of these combinations assume that there’s a mutual attraction. Don’t assume that just because you and some other guy could have a four-star relationship, you automatically will. He may not be interested in you That Way. And even four-star relationships require a lot of work.

Also, if you and your partner seem to have a measly, pathetic, depressingly tragic one-star relationship, don’t give up hope. Remember, if you’re both working hard on overcoming your OWTAs, anything’s possible. So go ahead and prove me wrong, and if you succeed, all the more power to you.