somebody call the oed

warning: this post contains language which may be considered by some to be unkind or not 21st century sensitive to the mentally disabled. if that offends you, just move along now. there's nothing for you to see here.

Julie and I were talking yesterday and, to make a long story short, we invented a new word. It's a perfect addition to the English language.

You know someone who is otherwise intelligent, but who can't program the vcr? The person who we mock and deride because he or she can't use a computer for anything but simple word processing, or who thinks that "AOL" means the same thing as "the internet"? The person who claims to eschew all things digital for aesthetic reasons, when we all know that it's because of terror of change?

You know how we never really had one single word that summed those people up? Well, now we do. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:

eTarded.

Really, it's perfect. Think about it. Use it in a sentence.

"I had to explain to her how to use Yahoo! to look up a phone number. What an eTard."

"It turned out that the problem was that she had somehow disconnected her mouse from the keyboard and didn't know it, because she is totally eTarded."

"I was sleeping in their guest room and their alarm clock went off at 3:42 am! Turns out that it does this all the time and they couldn't figure out how to stop it. eTards."

"Oh my god. I handed my eTarded father-in-law my camera to take a few pictures and I don't know what button he pushed, but he managed to erase everything on my CF card!"

Works well, doesn't it? You heard it here first. Now, if only we could invent a word for that woman who sits somewhere on the fence between "acquaintance" and "friend." The woman who I hang out with, but don't confide in and may not even like that much. Men have "golf buddy" for such a relationship, but we girls are left with a void.

Posted by volfie at September 2, 2004 08:24 AM