calling dr. bombay

For quite some time, like years, I've dealt with, well, I can't even tell you what I've dealt with. Let's just call it The Embarassing Symptom, or TES for short. When I went to the naturopath about my foot cramps, i mentioned TES, and his eyes kind of lit up, like he'd just won the Quack Jackpot. It's some kind of excess of Ying or deficiency in Yang or something. He recommened a $250 blood test, not covered by insurance at all, to determine its cause. I bit.

I put off going in for the results for better than a month, mostly because he'd expressed suspicion that the culprit was a sensitivity to dairy, which would mean no cream in my morning coffee for three months. But, finally, today, I went.

The test showed extreme sensitivity to Flaxseed oil (my morning cereal?) and MSG (not too hard to avoid, as I don't eat too much processed food. It also showed moderate sensitivity to apples, which I can trade for pears or oranges (They are not quite as portable, but I'll live:; some chemical found in glue and nail polish (I'll do my best, but, like, come one...I'm hardly skipping pedicures all summer, and I'm not eating the polish either way); egg whites (ok if they're baked -- phew!! -- just not scrambled or is, say, creme anglaise); FD&C Blue Dye #2 (ok, skip the blue m&m's. whatever); and, get this, red grapes in all forms, including the fermented one!

I need to find out which white wines are made from green grapes. Anyone know??

This. Is. Important.

My morning coffee, much to my relief, has remained sacrosanct. Really, anything else I can survive.

Posted by volfie at April 27, 2006 12:54 PM