The part you throw away 6:00am

Someone even more bleary-eyed than you is making the coffee, and out of nowhere 24hr friends continue to appear, pulling up the drive and spilling out of tents. Meanwhile Ted struggles with the lock on the “Million miler” travel bar, while Ellen hands out shotglasses indiscriminately. Raise up your glass for one last Toast to Tom Waits, and slip in an extra one for Uncle Bob. Missy and Diane provide a much appreciated serenade alternative to the bullhorn, and TW13 is underway.
Trapdoors open to the traditional strains of Closing Time.

After thirteen years, Ted finally has his wits and the telephone in hand, so for those too depressed to get out of bed, hit the speed-dial for a call-in shot and a sympathetic ear at 732-310-0759.

I wish I was in New Orleans 7:00am

“With a bottle, and my friends, and me”
If you had to pick a port of call for breakfast, you can’t do much better than New Orleans – except for the 24hr TW festival! Enjoy the easiest breakfast of the year, as Jordan stands a round of Hot Wahinis – served cold!, and Chef Sefton manages to whip up Beignets and Coffee even though he’s still up from last night. You’d swear you were on Bourbon St, as you share plates of eggs and beans and renew long-lost 24hr friendships in the kitchen.
A little lagniappe: Down by Law

AM radio: Rain Dogs

Just the Right Bullets 08:00 hrs

Think you can take them bullets or leave them, do you? Just save a few for your bad days?
You “left all your papers on the Ticonderoga,” but nobody appears to be checking at the door. Prove you can still hit something you aimed for in life at Jen’s bullet-o-rama, the only booth open (thanks to Mark B) on the midway at this hour. You’d swear the game is rigged, but you’re not sure how, as you try to ring the bell from ten paces. Side wagers not covered by homeowners insurance!

Track announcement: Swordfishtrombones Spend a day at the festival and time becomes a blur drizzle down the plate glass. To help remember yesterday tomorrow, keep track with a TW Scorecard! Look for special events and check them off as you go. Don’t forget “drank from a mystery beer can,” “sank to a new personal low”, and “got a tattoo.”

Ship-to-Shore900am

It’s story time again, as festivalgoers congregate for some friendly over-the-counter conversation. Topics include personal anchors– something you throw overboard when you actually need it, and when exactly are you “in the mood” to listen to Tom Waits? Grab a Krispy Kreme from the baker’s dozen courtesy of Ed and Robin, and join in. Plus, drop by the live broadcast of Chris-T’s Dime Store Radio Hour. Share your hopes and dreams, or just listen closely as veteran deckhands discuss the art of pacing.
Recently overheard: Blood Money

If you’re not a gold digger, try changing your look. We offer braids, barrettes, and buzz cuts for the inclined and possessed. Otherwise, spraypaint your shoes, dye your hair, or get one of John Haze’s famous tattoos!

For you hardcore fans, Ted and Sean break out rare TW video bootlegs
You haven’t wanted to alarm anyone, but in the basement lounge you see signs that musicians are congregating for an all out hammer to the floor jam! Instead of worrying, join in on whatever instrument you can lay your hands on, whether it’s kazoo, mandolin, or musical spoons. All day.

Bone Machine 11:00am

You begin to wonder – just how does Eric Sanko make marionettes look so lifelike and creepy?
What’s the secret? Is he hoarding scraps of blood-soaked linen and crumbling leather? Does it run in the family? Find out for yourself by making your own driftwood marionette, using string, wood, dowels, plus anything salvaged from around the farm.
For the less troubled, there’s spin art on old ceiling fans, or mask-making for martini hour, in a nod to TWs past.
off the rack: Bone Machine

Legends of lunch noon

Chef Bruce’ll swear it’s a coincidence, but those years of experience running the kitchens at TW with nothing more than gasoline and farm equipment sure came in handy during the blackout of ’03. While almost every restaurant in the city was shut down, Bruce’s place was humming along like it was just another day, with oysters, champagne, and lights! For their latest challenge, the TW Chefs outdo the “naked chef” and his reformed juvenile delinquents by transforming hardened, abberant festivalgoers them into volunteer sous-chefs! Check the sign-up near the pit.
Over easy: Dana’s TW for Beginners, volumes 101 and 102

Sideshow 1:00pm

“to the carnival is what she said / a hundred dollars makes it dark inside”
After pillaging the surplus catalogs and the garage sales of New Jersey, TW master carpenter Dana has the potato cannon back in working order. The carnies scurry around pretending to care about the rules as some brave soul climbs the dunk tank while someone less brave but having more fun aims the cannon. A drumroll, please!!

Calliope cacophony: Night on EarthDrive it away today!! 2:00pm

Like any hustler selling time shares, the middlemen at the Battery Farm wait for just the right moment. Thought you couldn’t afford the dead-battery lifestyle? Think again as you tour the property and marvel at the planned improvements and unlimited possibilities -- the farm is for sale! To seal the deal, the Hungry Marching Band just might take a turn on the recently brush-hogged parade grounds. Slackers and layabouts can drag their chairs to the curb and continue drinking. Terms available.

ShIver my timbers 3:00pm