[Torie Osborn]

Coming Home to America Q & A

Interview of Torie Osborn by California Assemblymember Sheila Kuehl

SK:: I know that you see the individual act of coming out as political. What impact does coming out have on the world around us -- our families, society's institutions -- and how do you see that tying into our political strategy?

TO:

The old feminist adage "the personal is political" is the core truth of the gay/lesbian community. While coming out is deeply personal -- and requires substantial courage, a fact we too often forget -- it is the central political act of gay liberation, for several reasons.

First, you cannot organize people who are invisible. You can't create a movement, or mobilize a force for social change, from behind the closet door. The reality and reach of our political strength is entirely dependent upon our people coming out of the closet. Only then, can we come into the hearts and minds of the rest of the world.

And that's the second point. People often wonder how one person can really make a difference. But coming out is never a solitary act: Every single time a gay person comes out of the closet, it has an enormous impact on the world around them. It creates a ripple effect that many may not even be aware of. We become human, real -- and of course for the most part, fabulous -- to the folks we come out to. That impact -- for an invisible minority, for a misunderstood minority, for a minority about which the Radical Right is spreading lots of lies and misinformation -- is absolutely essential.

Remember, only 50% of Americans even think they know someone gay!

Their librarian, doctor, son or daughter may be gay, but they don't know it. Coming out changes the lives of the people around us by giving them new images, and a new understanding of who we are. It gives us names and faces and a place in their lives we didn't have before. Coming out is the most powerful weapon we have in the war against prejudice and ignorance.

SK:

You talk a lot about community in your book, as well as about the role of gay and lesbian community centers. Why?

TO:

It's impossible to emphasize enough the fundamental importance of the vibrant community created by gay and lesbian people nationwide -- those l0,000 or so organizations, ranging from dyke softball leagues to gay synagogues to activist groups of every political stripe. Gays and lesbians are born invisible even to ourselves. We are born with a hidden identity and then raised by people who deny -- and sometimes express open hostility to -- our very existence. When we come out, we often face at least temporary rejection by our birth families and even by friends. No other minority faces this particular kind of very personal rejection. In many cultures, banishment from the tribe is in fact the most extreme form of punishment that can be inflicted on society's members.

Therefore, creating our own families -- and then our own community -- is a basic survival need. We do it from necessity, but it has taken on a life of its own. And the AIDS epidemic forced us to develop this aspect of our subculture even further -- creating support and service networks, expressing in community the love we found in the face of darkness and death -- creating what I call a "community ethic of caring" for each other. America's gay and lesbian exiles have built our own homeland. Out of ostracism, we've totally invigorated the very idea of community.

In this context, Gay and Lesbian Community Centers have sprung up in cities large and small, incorporating everything from coming-out rap groups to artistic programs to runaway youth shelters to a full array of mental health, addiction recovery and AIDS services. Although not the only model, our community centers are perhaps the single most effective, wide-ranging form of permanent community-building institutions that we have. They are flexible and multi-purpose and can adapt to diverse needs of a diverse people during fast-changing times.

We've now moved into what I think is a critical phase of our movement for equality, and the Community Centers can play an essential role in coalescing gays and lesbians into a powerful force for social change. Despite our fabulous galaxy of thousands of groups, we rarely speak with one voice or are able to mobilize large numbers of our own people into political action. On a national political level, we're often a paper tiger -- as the gays in the military and same-sex marriage issues unmercifully demonstrated -- not because we don't have the numbers or the will -- but because we simply don't have the organization. And, organizing must build from the ground up to be most effective. In the long run, we'll be only as powerful nationally as the strength of our grassroots foundation. For better or for worse, ours is a struggle that will not be fully won for decades to come, and we must wage it on multiple battlefields over a long period of time. We will need to cultivate unity, determination, love and vision to hang in there for the long run. Our Community Centers offer us one extremely efficient and visionary model to make that possible.

SK:

What do gays and lesbians have to teach America?

TO:

This is probably the soul of this book, if it has one. I truly believe that gays and lesbians are an awe-inspiring people who, in so many ways, represent the very best there is in the human spirit. Far from being the immoral demons the Radical Right makes us out to be, gays and lesbians are brilliantly creative, highly ethical, often visionary people who have succeeded where others have failed. We've embraced diversity in a world that too often teaches separation, alienation and hate. We've built loving families of choice from the ruins of rejection and pain, and we've found joy and humor in the face of adversity. We have developed very real, transferable skills in community-building and coalition-building. Our values embrace difference and democracy. All these are gifts the world badly needs more of.

In addition, out of our community's collective near-death experience with AIDS, gays and lesbians have developed an extraordinary spirituality and commitment to humanity's higher values, to the richer, deeper facets of life. I find it ironic that we are scapegoated by the Radical Right -- in fact, I believe we have far greater moral fortitude to bring to this country's struggle to find and enrich its values than do most people. I think we are a community of real-life heroes, straight out of an epic movie, and I believe our time has come. America would do well to look to us, and recognize us as teachers and healers and leaders who can help transform the world. In my book, I try to share some of the gifts, tell some of the stories, bring to light some of the too-often shadowed truths of gays, bisexuals, lesbians and transgendered people. I think we are the best kind of revolutionaries -- effective ones -- social-change artists with amazing expertise visions to bring to America as we come out and claim more and more political and personal territory as home.

SK:

What are some of the other issues Coming Home to America addresses?

TO:

I discuss gay activism, and some of its shortcomings, such as infighting and "political correctness". I deal a lot with the leadership issue because in my view it's central to our success -- if we don't stop cannibalizing our greatest leaders, and don't start incorporating systematic leadership support and development, we don't stand a chance. I discuss the need for what I call "transformational activism" -- activism that leads from respect, and love and vision and not negativity. I share a wonderful "community code of ethics" we came up with a few years ago in Los Angeles at a lesbian and gay leaders' retreat.

SK:

What is the single most important message of your book?

TO:

That ordinary people can change the world. And that ordinary gay and lesbian people are changing the world in quite remarkable ways just by living our lives more and more openly. The lies of the right wing are tiresome and grating to the soul, cynicism and apathy need to give way to more hope on a wider scale. Hope comes from believing that we can make a difference. I believe that the human capacity to transform oneself and one's small corner of the world, and then band together with others to make major and enduring social change, is awesome. I want this book to inspire people. I want it to motivate them to come out, come out, come out -- and to become their "most magnificent selves," as one of my book's heroines -- you, Sheila! -- put it. It's time to take back the truth -- that democracy and the American dream belong to all of us, in all our great, glorious, diverse color and camp and compassion and courage. It's time to truly come home to America.

Representative Sheila Kuehl is a feminist attorney , former law professor, and co-founder of the California Women's Law Center in Los Angeles. Formerly a radio and TV actress for many years (including playing the indomitable Zelda on Dobie Gillis), Sheila was elected in l994 as the first openly gay member of the California State Assembly, representing western Los Angeles. She spoke at the l996 Democratic National Convention and has emerged as a major leader not only of the Democratic Party in her home state, but of the women's and gay/lesbian movements nationally. She and Torie were life-partners for 9 years and remain best friends.

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