[So You Want to Be a Lesbian? cover]

Test Your L.Q.

(or The Lesbian Aptitude Test [LAT] -- short version)

Here's one test you shouldn't have to study for (and don't look at the answers, we'll know if you cheated).

I. In Utero

1. When your mother was pregnant with you, morning sickness was most aggravated by:
a) TV Sporting Events
b) Food
c) Englebert Humperdinck
d) Anita Bryant

2. During your pregnancy, your mother most craved:
a) Kentucky Fried Chicken
b) Pickles
c) Frozen Yogurt
d) Granola and soy milk served in a handmade ceramic bowl from Guatemala, bought to help the United Grapeworkers Union

II. The Childhood Years

3. When playing house, you were:
Mommy homemaker
b) The idiot son, Dougie
c) Betty, the beautiful and popular daughter
d) Daddy, with the girlfriend on the side at the "house" down the street

4. When choosing up sides for sports, you were:
a) Picked first
b) Picked last
c) Team captain
d) Behind the wall with Betty from "playing house"

5. On graduation, your principal said you had a future filled with:
a) Great promise
b) A happy marriage
c) A great career
d) Various female "roommates" and a cat named Gertrude

III. High School/College

6. At dances, you were:
a) DJing/Playing with your band, Black Reign
b) Drinking vodka in the yard with the football team
c) Playing poker in the cafeteria
d) Sneaking up to the science lab with the new cheerleader

7. Your best friends were:
a) Your roommates
b) Phi Gamma guys
c) Your sorrority sisters
d) The girls from the field hockey team

8. Two part question:

Did you ever attend a sorority party?
a) Yes
b) No

If Yes, which one of the following statements best sums up your experience?:
a) God, it's amazing how there's a direct correlation between blond hair and IQ!"
b) "I don't know about your pledging, we tend to have very high standards here at Tri Delta."
c) "I cannot believe one small girl can drink that much."
d) "Oh God, I never knew it could be like this with a woman!"

IV. Adulthood:

9. Your first job was working as a:
a) Temp
b) Go-go dancer
c) Commodities trader
d) Clerk at the local heath food co-op

10. When you rent movies with a new friend, the first thing you watch together is:
a) Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
b) Walk on the Wild Side
c) Entre Nous
d) The Hunger

11. Your favorite sport is:
a) Tennis
b) Football
c) Synchronized swimming team event
d) Watching Gabrielle Reese in those Nike ads

12. Complete this sentence: "My ideal relationship is best embodied by":
a) Jean-Paul Satre and Simone de Beauvoir
b) Gertude and Alice
c) Beavis and Butthead
d) K.D. and Martina