Clap Hands 7:00pm Time for all you soldiers and sailors, troublemakers and fools, to settle into naugahyde booths and enjoy the scene as your MC, fresh from an Atlantic city floorshow, strolls in like a liontamer with bullhorn and troublelight. First off, the giant "wheel of misfortune" appears, and we'll need contestants from the audience for a little "wrong is right" TW Trivia! Prizes will include some of Uncle Bob's favorite paperbacks. Then it's show-n-tell: Mission Accomplished -- greatest trash finds ever! So step right up brag about that special abandoned something that you found a home for. Big in Poughkeepsie SAT nite! OK - go ahead and laugh, but it's a lot harder to play the Tom Waits festival than it is to play Carnegie Hall. Plenty of have bands showed up but couldn't make it through the first 18hrs of the party. So, like in life, there's no moneyback guarantees on tonite's playbill. It's a pleasure and a privilege to introduce to you -- and let's give a warm round of applause for -- the Chevrolaires, fresh off a tour of minimum security prisons; returning favorites the Seculars; and the Rev. Vince Anderson, with possibly his Love Choir. The reverend is certainly a man after Tom's heart, and perhaps will give a little homily in addition to some stomping music. Plus, fresh off the subway circuit it's Jen's personal favorite Lucas Shine, and maybe some acts that are frankly unmentionable.

"It's interesting when you take certain rhythms: a mule skinner or a field holler. You lean just a little to the right and you're in Ethiopia, you push it back to the left and you're in Shanghai. If you voice a banjo just correctly, you can be in Paul Whiteman's orchestra or Mississippi or Hong Kong. I like all those places in music where things lose their identity and gain a new one. There are riddles and secrets inside rhythms." MARTINi hOUR SOUTH OF THE BORDER! 11:00pm Like any mexican basement, Martini Hour SOB offers drinks -- and a convenient refuge from the law. Grab a swizzle stick from Sean's 50-year assortment, and try to think of something interesting to say to the Zehre sisters. If that doesn't work, don your Martini hour mask and enjoy the twisted, tropical comedy of mismanners brought to you by Sen~or Jack and Sen~or Joe in their latest bartending melodrama, On The Road To HO-HO-KUS -- Land of the Setting Sun. Place those cares in a margarita glass, and prepare to mambo con mucho gusto. But remember, gentlemen: evening jackets and sombreros, please! Splendid Sounds: TW - the Tango Years