A Self-Inventory Break

From Husband Hunting Made Easy

Pointing fingers is a bit crude and rarely helpful, but everyone, at some time or another, could benefit from a little constructive criticism. Perhaps we have a penchant for humming infectious Celine Dion songs when nervous or think a clean home means taking the laundry off the bed. Or perhaps it's something less tangible -- some signal we unknowingly send that keeps others at bay. As much as we may not like it, first impressions are still our most immediate victory or failure when pursuing a new relationship. In fact, a bad start is rarely rewarded the luxury of a second chance.

No pressure.

In this section, I hope to give you an edge over your competitors. A little head start toward putting your best face forward. Nothing so dramatic that your mother will not recognize you at her doorstep, just some small suggestions to separate your charming idiosyncrasies >from your dating deadweight.

You may be surprised at how simple some of these hints may be. Many of them you probably already know and follow, and you might have several more of your own to add. But if even one or two strike home, a minor (and completely painless) adjustment could potentially deliver the advantage you've been searching for.

What have you got to lose?

Keep in mind, the goal is to present your best form -- to accentuate the positive -- not simply emulate everyone else. I am not talking about a preferable "type" you should strive to become. Your appeal is ultimately your own, not interchangeable. Think about it. If everyone's looks and ways were identical, romance would be pretty bland and predictable. Instead, I offer a few kind words of "boy meets boy" advice that our hetero socialization simply overlooked in preparing us.

Appearance

A Thong is Always Wrong
It's impossible for anyone to keep his credibility when he's got a leopard-printed rubber band stretched between his cheeks. It's supposed to be sexy, I guess, but all it makes me think is "I really do need to start flossing."

No one wants to date a page from International Male. We all feel a small thrill when it arrives in the mail (admit it), but finding out someone actually buys one of the catalog's imported, suede-tasseled jocks is enough to crush any blooming love buds. Give us briefs, boxers, or bare -- but the man with the Velcro silk panties, beware!

Buy Clothes from More Than One Place
If your friends can walk past a retail store and mistake it for your closet, you're in need of a fashion makeover. Having a certain look is fine, but no one wants to date the poster child from the Gap. If people can instantly tabulate the exact price of your Banana Republic outfit, it's time to branch out.

How will he ever appreciate the unique you if he always feels as if he's walking beside a Benetton billboard? Mix and match. Go search the back of your closet for that funky-striped sweater your color-blind aunt bought you three birthdays ago. Tell them it's Italian and couture.

Never dress like someone ten years younger.

Never Dress Like Some Ten Years Younger
Picture your dad in boot-style Doc Martens. Add a gelled-in-place Caesar haircut and the unmistakable scent of CK One. Are you cringing yet? While you wouldn't let him out of the house, some of us never think twice about our own fashion mishaps. Whereas young girls try to impress by dressing up like mature women, gay men often have the reverse notion of dressing down much younger than their years.

Whom are you trying to fool?

A trendy hairstyle and the latest club clothes do not confer youth, but they do bring attention to your ridiculous attempt to drop a decade. No one will ID you at the bar just because you're wearing Gaultier or a pair of high-tops. You'll only look like a silly fashion victim.

Fact is, if you're well groomed and in shape, you can be dignified and attractive at any age. Taste is truly relative. Although there's so much attention paid to hot boys, boys, boys -- we grew up desiring men. Our first fantasies were fueled by masculine images in department-store catalogs and the occasional Sunday ad supplement. These men were often mature yet still undeniably erotic. Don't undervalue yourself.

Wear what fits and flatters you. If you don't even come close to Detail's demographics, stop worrying about following the latest trends in its fashion spreads. Remember, dressing your age does not entail looking like a slob, staying at home, or having to shop at Sears. It simply means looking good in the clothes you wish you could persuade your father to wear.

Platinum Blonde Looks Bad on Anyone
Well most everyone. The odds and your genes are against you. Even the notable Queen of the Peroxide Job, Madonna, has had her share of mishaps. Remember Who's That Girl? (More like Are You Trying to Look Ugly?) And she's got much more money for maintenance than you do.

Going blond is more often an inner fantasy than an advisable practice. You want to have more fun; you want to be wilder and sexier, and luminous hair -- whether from a box or a salon -- promises to be the answer.

Well, biology is not that flexible.

Your natural hair shade is not a random variable. It's a component of your overall physical makeup, partner to your skin tone and eye color. When you change one, the rest of the gang look off-balance and ghoulish. While few of us would dare dye our hair jet-black or wear those colored contacts, we readily agree to bring the sunshine to our crown.

But unless your hair is already light, a platinum turn-around will only make you look pale (if not albino) and create the new dilemma of dark brows and inevitable Locklear-like roots. Instead of looking hot, you'll appear sick or pasty. And over time, perhaps bald. Don't think a brunette can go stark blond without chemicals that literally strip his locks.

Remember, you want someone freely running a hand through your hair -- not fearing that a chunk will break off in his hands.

A Self-Inventory Break

From Husband Hunting Made Easy

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