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How Needy Are You?

A Quiz from Husband Hunting Made Easy



Does the thought of a night spent alone send you sobbing in the fetal position? Or raiding the refrigerator for a consoling pint of Haagen-Dazs? If so, listen up. Most of us fall somewhere between a very human need for companionship and being excruciatingly needy. Where you yourself fall in the spectrum dictates how successful you will be in fulfilling the desire. It's partly due to vibes we give off. Are you signaling eligibility or plain desperation? Surprisingly, our emotional demands are autonomous to life's direction. Whether to share our joy, pain, or everyday routine, we either really need someone or are emotionally self-reliant.

Of course, complete stoicism is neither possible or recommended. You've got to want to receive. On the other hand, it's important to know if you're too needy because it invariably becomes an act of self-sabotage. If you want too much, you only find rejection. No one can feed that hunger. Sadly, most of us don't really know where we lie in the spectrum. Below are some scenarios to help gauge your Needy Quotient and settle the question of whether you've earned yourself a date or a therapy session.

  1. It's dinnertime, your fridge is empty, and all your friends are busy. You:
    treat yourself to a meal at your favorite restaurant.
    treat yourself to a half dozen beers at your favorite restaurant.
    take down a dusty cookbook and whip up a gourmet feast for one.
    hunt down your friends and beg them -- even bribe them -- to include you in their plans.

  2. You and your best friend say good-night at 2:30 a.m. after a fun yet exhausting evening out. As you turn to leave, an attractive man walks by and smiles. You:
    stalk him until he either surrenders or flees into a safe haven
    smile back and head on home. It's late.
    casually introduce yourself, exchange numbers, and promise to get in touch.
    offer to make him breakfast at his house.
    Bonus Hint: Don't be afraid of other cute guys.

  3. A stranger walks up to you at a bar and asks, "How's it going?" You reply:
    "Okay, if you're single and willing."
    "Not too well. I haven't gotten laid for days."
    "I'm horny. You."
    Anything else.

  4. You witness a happy gay couple holding hands outside. The sight makes you:
    want to act out Anna Karenina with a passing bus.
    feel romantic and proud to see and open couple on the streets.
    run up and ask if they're into threesomes.
    start loudly chanting, "PDA! Get away! Can't you see I need a lay!"

  5. The first date is going well. As he turns to kiss you goodnight, you:
    make plans for the following evening to see him again.
    attempt to reenact 9-1/2 Weeks on your front doorstep
    knock him over the head and drag him inside. Hey, even if he's unconscious, you have someone to snuggle with tonight.
    ask him for a commitment.

  6. On Sunday nights you like to prepare for the upcoming week by:
    placing a new personal ad.
    getting so drunk you hope to forget all about it.
    getting to bed early. It doesn't hurt to have some extra energy.
    prank-calling all your exes just to see who's home and if they're alone.

  7. When he asks what you want to do on your second date, you say:
    "Elope."
    "Show you off to all my bastard exes."
    "Introduce you to my mother."
    "Whatever."

  8. Your date is cute but smells really bad. You:
    suggest taking a romantic shower together.
    back out with an excuse but make definite plans to see him tomorrow, in hopes he'll smell fresher.
    leave your bedroom windows open every night and pray not to catch a cold.
    anonymously leave deodorant on his front doorstep.

  9. It's late at night and you can't fall asleep because you're horny. You decide to:
    go on-line for some cyber-soothing.
    take your laundry quarters to a peep show.
    call random numbers and try to coax strangers into phone sex.
    pray for a wet dream.

  10. When you're cruising, you are on the lookout for:
    a mythical god to sweep you off your feet in his Herculean arms.
    someone genuine or no one at all. Your friends provide enough drama.
    someone just like your ex, who may have crushed your heart but sure was hot.
    anyone randy - no questions asked.

  11. At night you cannot fall asleep without:
    at least two pillows.
    someone - anyone - lying beside you.
    first brushing your teeth.
    reading trashy romance novels or reviewing your complete porno collection.

  12. While attending a traditional hetero wedding, you undoubtedly:
    hit on the groom one last time before "I do."
    cruise the entire catering staff.
    catch the bride's bouquet - even if a little pushing and shoving is called for.
    redecorate the event (although, politely, only in your mind.)
    sit back and celebrate the couple, realizing that not everything is about you.

 

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